DEAR MISS MANNERS: I understand and observe the rule that one should wait for everyone at the table to be served before one starts eating, unless the not-yet-served parties demur and urge others to eat.

Is it also considered necessary to wait until others have photographed their meal and posted it to social media?

This issue arises for me not in restaurants, but at home. My husband and I split cooking duties, so we each cook on different nights. He tends to make elaborate, time-consuming spreads, of which he is justifiably proud. So he shares photos of the plated results on social media, along with a paragraph of explanation about the ingredients and preparation.

Meanwhile, I sit hungrily watching my food grow cold. He considers it impolite if I start eating before he is also ready to pick up his fork or chopsticks.

I believe that once we are both served, it is up to each person to decide how to proceed -- whether to dive into the meal or to conduct a photo shoot.

I have observed that this behavior occurs in restaurants as well, even though those posting are merely consuming the meal and did not produce it. I hungrily await your judgment.

GENTLE READER: It will be in your favor. Miss Manners hereby declares that photographing a meal constitutes consuming it, in the sense of feeding on its aesthetic. You may begin to eat.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As much as I love to write and receive handwritten letters, I have become so busy I have begun to use websites that send e-cards rather than just not sending anything. I sent a sympathy e-card to a 20-something, figuring he was too young to remember when snail mail was the norm.

I did feel terribly guilty for being so lazy. Would you say it is in terribly bad taste to send a sympathy e-card?

GENTLE READER: Your repeated use of the word "terribly" leads Miss Manners to believe that you are exaggerating in the hope of being excused on the grounds of feeling anguish at deviating from the proper standard. Or that you are trying to make Miss Manners look silly for considering this to be a serious infraction.

No, it is just what you say it is: a quick way of registering sympathy without the trouble of offering personal comfort by writing about what the deceased person meant to you. If you really felt terrible about tossing this off, you wouldn't grudge the extra few minutes it takes to write.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As the mother of the bride, I understand that it is my place to host the bridal shower. That said, what other etiquette is associated with this role, and when do I involve the bridesmaids and maid of honor?

GENTLE READER: Such matters need not trouble you, as you have been misinformed about the basic premise. Miss Manners reassures you that it is not the place of the bride's mother to give her daughter a shower, but only to be appreciative if the bride's friends decide to do so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who continually brings a potted flower whenever she comes to visit. Although I very much welcome her visits, I have a difficult time caring for plants and I end up struggling to keep them alive -- a struggle that I would like to avoid.

The truth of the matter is that a gift of any type is unnecessary. Is there a courteous way of telling my friend, without hurting her feelings, that I do not want plants, and that anything else -- or nothing at all -- would be perfectly fine?

GENTLE READER: Show her your dead plant. "I am afraid that I am hopeless when it comes to taking care of these. I wouldn't want our visits to be marred by blood on our mutual hands."

If this inadvertently results in getting a lesson in plant care, well, you can thank Miss Manners for that later.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At work, a graphic design position opened up and I mentioned it to a young person I knew, suggesting that she apply. She was studying that field in her college courses, and the position would help start her career. She got the job. We became "Work Friends" and things went well.

Later, when my daughter was getting married and wanted to have someone design her invitations, I suggested my young Work Friend. The design was lovely, my daughter paid her for the invitations and I thought that was that.

But a couple weeks or so before the ceremony, Work Friend told me that she wanted me to get her and her husband invitations to the wedding. She really wanted to go to the ceremony.

I was taken aback by this request for these reasons: My daughter had only hired her to do a job; my daughter had not invited Work Friend and had never even suggested to me that she wanted to; and my daughter had never met Work Friend before the meeting about the invitations. Along with those things, it was my daughter's wedding, and it wasn't my place to weigh in on who was invited.

I gently stumbled around a bit, talking about how she was hired to do a job, professional relationships versus personal, etc., and did not comply with her request. I only mentioned it to my daughter after the wedding, and she agreed with me that the request was odd.

I felt like Work Friend seriously overstepped her bounds in asking me to do this, and in the hurt feelings she displayed afterward. She became less of a friend and more just a co-worker. I was left feeling that she really had expected me to step in and make that request (demand?) of my daughter. What could I have done better?

GENTLE READER: Clearly Work Friend was rude to try to procure an invitation, so your stumbling was warranted. But in her mind, your explanation was rubbing in the fact that Work Friend was not actually Real Friend. And that is why she was insulted.

To lessen the offense, Miss Manners might have suggested instead: "I am afraid it is an intimate wedding." Notice the word "intimate" is used and not "small," since it is likely that Work Friend knew exactly how many people were invited -- if not from the work order, then from the phrasing of the invitation.

"Intimate" implies that only guests who intimately know the couple were included -- as subjective as that criterion might be.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I like to eat out a lot, but her table manners are bothersome to me, bordering on embarrassing. We are both educated, and she even attended a girls' school growing up. I came from a middle-class family, but was taught to have some manners at the table.

My wife likes to put too large of a portion on her fork, then raises it to her mouth and bites off a piece of whatever she's eating (chicken breast, fish, etc.). I have tried to get her to pick up smaller pieces, but to no avail.

When we are out, I always wonder if others see her doing this and what they must think. How can I get her to use her knife and take smaller bites?

GENTLE READER: Warn her about the dangers of choking -- if not her doing so from the meat, then perhaps your doing so from disgust.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When calling a business or person I do not know and leaving a message, I am in the habit of leaving my telephone number. Nowadays, of course, there is technology that makes this unnecessary, but I am unsure whether the technology is so common that leaving my number wastes the time of the message recipient -- not to mention makes me look (heaven forbid!) old-fashioned.

Conventions, I realize, must at some point yield to reality and common sense. Has that point yet been reached for leaving your telephone number?

GENTLE READER: If Miss Manners approved only conventions that were practical, rather than old-fashioned and unnecessary ones, she would have far fewer useless silver Victorian gadgets cluttering her desk.

Perhaps in lieu of leaving a redundant phone number, we can all promise to leave our full names, clearly spelled and pronounced. This is something that has eluded our technological assistants.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just had a baby, and my mother-in-law is staying with us to help out. She is fantastic -- truly -- except for one thing: doing laundry. She dumps everything in the same load. Jeans, towels and Velcro bibs often end up in the same cycle as delicate wool sweaters.

She's ruined multiple items. I've asked her to just let me do the laundry, but she'll do it anyway.

How do I gently tell her to separate the laundry according to my preferences? Is that possible without looking ungrateful for all of her help? Other than the laundry issue, I've been blessed with a fantastic MIL. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I do want to save my clothes!

GENTLE READER: As Miss Manners sees it, you have three choices:

1. Hide the Velcro bibs and delicates and save them to do later when your mother-in-law has left.

2. Tell your mother-in-law, "Please at least let me separate things for you to make the sorting part easier."

Or 3. Let her catch you folding the clothes afterwards whilst good-naturedly saying, "Oh dear! I thought this was my sweater, but now it seems it will be better suited for the baby!"

Unless you want the baby to have a complete new itchy wardrobe, Miss Manners suggests you act on at least one of these choices quickly.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)