DEAR MISS MANNERS: My neighbor insists that when mailing a card, it should be placed with the front facing the front of the envelope. Whenever she receives cards during the holidays or on her birthday, the first thing she does is to comment on whether it was "correctly positioned" or not.

I know of no such picayune dictates regarding card placement in envelopes, and feel that my neighbor is being petty.

Will Miss Manners please clarify this not-so-pressing issue on which I've dwelled far too long?

GENTLE READER: The mystery is why people who rudely criticize others' manners are so often ignorant of the rules. Unsolicited instruction is not a picayune matter, because it taints etiquette by representing it as rudeness.

Aside from the greater transgression of belittling people in the act of wishing her well, your neighbor is just wrong. Because envelopes are opened from the back, where the flap is, the contents should face that way.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should I react to a friend and fellow church member who sent an email asking for the business of selling my father's house -- just one month after his passing?

The email asked nothing about how I am, or how the family is doing, though she did bring us flowers two weeks ago.

GENTLE READER: So your friend did express sympathy. Miss Manners trusts that you have already thanked her for that. Yes? Because that is the only reaction you owe her.

Nowadays, emails announcing "Someone wants to buy your house" are sent indiscriminately, even to people who don't own houses. That your sympathetic friend misjudged when you will be emotionally ready to face the problem of what to do with your father's house does not seem as intrusive.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiance and I are slowly planning a wedding to take place next year. We are very lucky to have large families and many friends.

We also have a nice home, full of inherited silverware and dishes and everything else that we could need or want. We find wedding registries tacky, and have no need or desire for cash gifts or a "honeymoon fund."

Is there any way to express to our guests that we will not be registering for gifts, and not make it sound like a cash grab? All we want is for those we love to come and enjoy our special day with us.

It seems that in this case, it's lose-lose: With a gift registry, you are asking for gifts, but without one, it seems like you are asking for cash. We don't want to communicate either of those things to our guests.

GENTLE READER: Isn't it sad that people now assume that bridal couples must be expecting to profit from their guests in one way or another? And you are probably right that any demurring on your part will raise the suspicion that you want payments without the trouble of laundering your take in the form of presents.

Miss Manners is afraid that your only response to inquiries should be, "You know, we haven't thought about it because we are really not concerned with getting anything."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Shortly after boarding my flight today, I noticed that the passenger sitting next to me had his mask below his nose. In a very polite tone, I asked him, "Would you please put your mask over your nose?"

He responded that masks are "ineffective," to which I replied, again in a perfectly civil tone, "Science says otherwise, so we'll have to agree to disagree."

He grumbled, pulled his mask up, and typed a message on his phone, in very large font, that he was sitting next to a "mask Nazi" and a "(misogynist expletive)."

From the size of the font and angle at which he held his phone, I guessed that he wanted me to see the messages, but, as I have young children, I recognized this outburst for what it was: an immature and guilty reaction to being caught doing something one shouldn't do. I declined the bait and opened my book.

Later during the flight, he again let his mask fall below his nose.

What might Miss Manners do in such a situation? Ask the neighbor again? If so, how? Should one ring the flight attendant to request their intervention? Should one ask to be seated elsewhere?

GENTLE READER: If one can. At the very least, you may make a show of it to the flight attendant by asking: "Is it possible for me to change seats? I do not wish to police this gentleman, but I do not feel safe with his mask improperly fitted."

At which point, the flight attendant will likely scold him for you, and possibly even reseat you. Miss Manners is afraid that you may still have to endure his childish complaints that you told on him. But at least you will do so from a safer distance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband, myself and another couple went out for dinner last summer (during the pandemic). We were in a tourist destination, at the beginning of what we have come to call "supply chain issues." The restaurant was busy and no one had thought to make reservations, so we had to wait about 30 minutes to be seated.

Soon, after we were seated and our server was taking our orders, it became clear that one of our party was deeply unhappy with the menu items available; there were some items that had just been exhausted. The unhappy party then vented at the server, saying that "more buffalo should have been ordered," and demanding to know why it hadn't.

We were so embarrassed that I felt like leaving. What is the best way for bystanders to react in this situation? I have never witnessed anything like this in my dining experience.

GENTLE READER: Treat this person as you would a child having a tantrum: with an apologetic look to the server and, if possible, a swift removal of the complainant.

Miss Manners suggests you offer to take the offender outside, saying, "I know this is disappointing. Perhaps you need a moment to compose yourself?" And then pad the server's tip.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I play in a small community band, and a woman who is seated next to me interrupts rehearsals frequently to correct others. She actually turned and corrected some players DURING A PERFORMANCE.

The players behind us had a miscount and came in a little early; she had made this same error in a prior piece. My husband thought she was flipping the players off, but she merely shook her finger for all the audience to see (and be distracted by).

She also talks quietly to others while dignitaries address the crowd when we play at civic events.

That said, I have been one of her main targets after I was moved next to her to play the first parts. First she informed me that "we" didn't need me on this part. She then proceeded to criticize my playing during the rehearsal, mostly for my dynamics, until I asked her to be quiet.

She is elderly, and has to make notes constantly in a little book of simple things that most of us just remember. If she is suffering from some degenerative disorder, I would be more inclined to overlook her strange disruptive behavior. I try to ignore her and stay away from her, but she goes on the attack and seems compelled to push others.

I am sure the principal player and conductor are well aware of her behavior. I criticized her once, and she became furious. What to do? I just want her to pay attention to her own part and stop disrupting my concentration with her constant blurting out of others' mistakes.

GENTLE READER: There is a rule in the theater that only the director -- or in this case, conductor -- should be giving notes to the performers. This is in order to preserve decorum and to avoid conflicting and confusing feedback from those who consider themselves unordained experts.

Miss Manners suggests that you reacquaint your leaders with this practice. Then reinforce it with the woman sitting next to you by saying, "Thank you, but I am afraid that I only take directives from the conductor or principal player. Otherwise, as you are undoubtedly aware, it will be chaos."

And then use whatever hand is not being occupied by your instrument to make a gentle stopping/shushing gesture when she inevitably criticizes you or the others again.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am curious about what I believe is a new trend in restaurants: When I order a slice of pie, it now comes with a spoon.

When did this happen? I was raised eating pie and other firm items with a fork. Spoons were for soups and ice cream.

GENTLE READER: Perhaps pies have gotten soupier? Or the servers have forgotten the accompanying ice cream?

If the latter, Miss Manners would still have them give you both a dessert fork and spoon. But if you require a fork to enjoy your otherwise firm pie, ask for it. We do not want this trend catching on further and getting out of control. Forks with cereal could be next.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)