DEAR MISS MANNERS: I arrived home to find a knocked-over potted plant on my porch. It was not there before, and did not belong to me. Upon righting it, I discovered a sealed card with a name on it that was neither mine nor my partner's.

I deduced that this plant must be a gift for someone, misdelivered to the wrong address. Since all I had to go on was the name on the card's envelope, I went into my local social media groups, trying to find this person, but have thus far been unsuccessful.

I'm at a loss as to what to do. I've considered opening the envelope to perhaps determine if a particular florist or nursery delivered the plant, so that I could contact the business and let them know that they misdelivered it, but opening an envelope addressed to another person is overstepping a boundary that I am not willing to cross. I'm also not willing to keep a plant that isn't intended for me, nor am I willing to throw it out -- someone evidently paid money for someone else to have it, after all.

What should I do in this situation?

GENTLE READER: Sorry, what was that? Miss Manners got distracted wondering if a knocked-over potted plant is, technically, an unpotted plant.

You are quite right not to open another person's mail. If you cannot find any clue -- perhaps a label identifying the delivery service, which can then be asked to cart it away -- treat it as one used to treat any other potted guest: Give it a decent amount of time in a quiet corner to recover itself (or be reclaimed by its owner), after which you may, in good conscience, allow it to stay or pass it on to some organization that will care for it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Since the pandemic has changed all of our lives, our daughter has begun opting out of family functions altogether. She makes suspicious claims that the pandemic is steering her decisions, all the while inviting her personal friends and construction/cleaning crews to her home for matters that meet her personal needs.

We are growing weary of the repeated "Thanks, but no thanks" responses to our invitations, only to hear later that she spent a weekend with friends or that her kitchen was just remodeled by a local construction crew.

Part of me wants to be a loving parent with no conditions, but I'm not very resilient when it comes to blatant rebuffs by my offspring. This has gone on since the pandemic began. I'm at my wit's end and ready to give up.

GENTLE READER: Using a polite fiction to avoid hurting feelings is not always wrong, but when done wrong, it hurts feelings even more.

Miss Manners trusts that you realize that you may not be able to force your daughter's attendance. But you can ask that she either dispense with the excuse -- or put more effort into making it believable.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Once a year, I attend a function that includes many of my husband's ex-wife's large extended family. At the last gathering, a young woman approached me and said, "Do you know who I am?"

I did not, and expressed my apologizes. She continued, in a raised voice, "I can't believe you don't know who I am!" I apologized again, and asked her name. She said, "I'm Sally! I can't believe you don't remember me!"

I said, "I do remember you, but it's been several years, and I am sorry I did not recognize you."

She immediately denied it had been that long and continued in the same vein of berating me. I apologized again and moved away. I did not mean to offend, but I truly did not recognize her. I have never had more than a "Hello, how are you" relationship with her.

How should I have handled this differently?

GENTLE READER: Forget her. Wait, you already did.

Not that Miss Manners is blaming you. People who purport to test you about their identity deserve to be forgotten.

If this sounds as if Miss Manners would countenance snubbing, she assures you that you were required to handle this politely, as you did. You were not required to grovel.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After several years filled with tragedies and the deaths of loved ones, I found some comfort in the structure and energy boost of exercise routines, and am subsequently slimmer and fitter.

But I've been taken off-guard by the comments of others. Women see me and announce "You're so skinny!" -- often saying it repeatedly. One woman at a party loudly stated it upon my arrival, again mid-party, and again when I was leaving.

While it would be easy to assume that it's intended as a compliment, that's not what the tone of voice and facial expressions indicate. I have no idea how to respond, and find myself fumbling for excuses, as though I've done something requiring justification. What to do?

GENTLE READER: What not to do: Discuss this.

Miss Manners promises you that it can only lead to such silliness as claims of admiration and envy and perhaps even pleas for magic diet tricks. You could brush it off with an unenthusiastic "Thank you" or a mirthless smile. Or you could simply reply, "Am I" -- without making it sound like a question.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter is planning a destination wedding, and I'm conflicted about inviting friends and relatives who are very unlikely to attend. (Attending will require the expense of a non-direct airline flight, car rental and lodging.)

These are friends and relatives I most certainly would have invited had the wedding been local. I'm torn between wanting them to know I would have liked them there to celebrate with us (the wedding location not having been our choice), and not wanting them to feel obligated to send a gift or incur major costs to attend.

What is considered good wedding invite etiquette?

GENTLE READER: The proper way to compile a wedding guest list is to invite those whom you believe have an interest in attending -- but not to anticipate their responses. If attending will be difficult for some, Miss Manners trusts that they will decline.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should I handle appearing unexpectedly in the background of a young person's selfie? When I was at a restaurant and a patron seated at the bar began using her phone to take pictures of herself, I was not the intended target, though could see myself in the frame.

She seemed well within her dining rights to do so, though I was plagued with thoughts of my image appearing on a public social media site, undoubtedly mid-bite of an omelet.

Would it be permissible to make a polite request, or should I simply position myself discreetly out of sight?

GENTLE READER: It is true that there is no privacy protection against being photographed when you are going about your business in public. And also that it is highly annoying.

Therefore you can only protect yourself with the use of persuasion, in the form of gently making the photographer realize that she is disrupting your meal.

Miss Manners would follow both of your suggestions. In a pleasant manner, you could say, "I'll just get out of your way," and when she protests, you might add, "No, no, I'll finish my dinner when you're through." If the person has any sense of decency, that should not be long.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Some close friends were planning a dinner party and called to include my spouse and me. Dinner was at 6 p.m., and we were invited to join the party at 8 p.m. for dessert.

Our first reaction was one of surprise, confusion and hurt feelings. Certainly, we do not expect invitations for all events, but this felt wrong, as if we were not valued.

We gently declined the invitation, but later wondered if our feelings were misplaced. Is this something new? Are we the uninformed? If so, our online searches revealed little to us.

Devilishly, we then mused about reciprocating the invitation, including a dinner upgrade, but serving last night's leftover meatloaf to these friends as the other guests feasted on tenderloin. We did not execute this plan, but the snickering helped anesthetize our wounded feelings. Are we missing something new?

GENTLE READER: It is something old. In fact, it was dead until your friends unfortunately resurrected it. Perhaps they were relying on a very old etiquette book. This is an example of a social tradition's being decidedly uncharming and not worth preserving.

The practice of having second-class guests -- who were invited after dinner, as you were, or to attend a wedding but not the reception -- is an old one.

But not a nice one. So much for those who believe that everything was done better in the past.

Miss Manners is thankful that you realize that your revenge fantasy must remain merely a fantasy. Talk about not nice. But she will permit you to tell your friends that you are so sorry you missed their dinner -- oops, you mean their after-dinner.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)