DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were invited several months ago to the wedding of two friends, whom we primarily know through shared events and mutual friends in our local LGBTQ community.

As we are not terribly close with the couple, my husband and I feel we were only invited to support their vanity: to give them more "likes" on social media, bragging rights about the number of guests at their wedding, and worst of all, about how many wedding gifts they can collect.

We wish this couple nothing but love and happiness in their marriage, but we have no interest in attending their wedding. Unfortunately, I've already RSVP'd as a "yes" and the wedding is now only three weeks away.

How can my husband and I gracefully bow out of attending their wedding without hurt feelings all around? And are we still obligated to send a wedding gift?

GENTLE READER: For someone who claims to wish this couple the best, you are certainly suspicious of their motives.

People have all kinds of reasons for inviting guests. As you are in their social circle, perhaps their intent was to get to know you better.

Certainly, there are those who inflate their guest list for "likes" or to extort money. But while Miss Manners is loath to point it out (because a wedding is not intended to be a cost-effective transaction), it is also an expense to have you at the wedding.

If you simply cannot bear the thought of indulging them in what you see as a media blitz, then you must send a letter of profound apology -- with a far better and less insulting excuse than having no interest in their wedding. And yes, the present is optional. The hurt feelings, however, may not be.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a grown person in a graduate program. My adviser connected me via email to an administrator, introducing us by first names.

In my follow-up email to the administrator, I continued to address her by her first name, and she did the same. However, her signature was not her first name, but "Dr. So-and-so."

How should I have referred to her when I wrote back? I feel like if she addresses me by first name, I should do the same. But I am also aware that she has a Ph.D. and that women in academia, as well as elsewhere, are often afforded less respect than others.

GENTLE READER: It is a matter of respect to address a new acquaintance -- and especially someone in a position of authority -- by their last name and preferred honorific. And a third party does not get to decide this through introductions.

Miss Manners yearns for the days when it used to be considered a great honor -- in terms of status or intimacy -- when the offer to use a first name was bestowed. She would think that you, as a graduate student, may want to enjoy that stature similarly one day. In the meantime, she suggests you wait until the administrator asks you to call her "Just Jen" before you do so presumptively.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For years, my sister-in-law has asked us to bring something when she is hosting. It's often on short notice, so they'll ask us to swing by the store. She will then send us a list and we end up getting virtually everything for the gathering.

For example, we might be asked to grab burgers, buns, chips, condiments, a bag of salad and some pasta salad. We are also required to bring our own drinks, since they don't offer us any, and we've learned from experience that it's better to have something in the car. We end up spending much more than we budgeted and leave feeling a bit used.

We have tried inviting their family to our home, but they prefer to host because they have children. When we do have them here, we are happy to provide all the food.

Is there any polite way to refuse this, or even to ask for money? They will sometimes halfheartedly offer or mention that they will "get us back next time," but this never comes to fruition. We try to be generous, and while we are weary of this situation, we don't want to stop seeing them completely.

GENTLE READER: Their assertion that they prefer to host rings hollow when they do not act like hosts. What they really prefer is to make you do everything, including the driving.

Miss Manners can say that to you, but this requires a less frank conversation with your sister-in-law. Next time an invitation is issued, insist, in a friendly but inflexible way, that they come to you. You can say it is fair, given how many times you have gone to them. If they cite the children, remind them that coming to you means they will not have to pick up their own house.

When you do, eventually, agree to visit them, answer any shopping requests with a change of venue: You are happy to provide the meal, but it will be much easier for you to do so at home, where you already have everything at the ready. Sharing the cost will take longer as it is impolite (as you have noticed) to dun guests, either for food or money. But as you remove the excuse that they are always hosting, the inequality should become apparent even to them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother and mother-in-law passed away about one month apart. Now, a year later, I am ashamed to share that I have not sent thank-you notes to those who sent food, flowers and gifts. It took this past year for me to gather the emotional energy to even open the bereavement cards.

I do not want to face people without first sending thank-yous. How do I handle this? Do I send a thank-you and apologize for the delay in acknowledgment? I have spoken to a few of these folks over this past year, and I never acknowledged their generosity because I had not opened the cards!

GENTLE READER: Like generals, bank robbers and givers of surprise parties, Miss Manners does not always believe that honesty is the best policy. But when the reason is as compelling and understandable as yours, there is no substitute.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should we interact with owners who won't restrain their dogs?

I live in an apartment building with a tiny elevator, and sometimes tenants get on with their dogs. These dogs will start to lick my feet or nip at my skirt. The dogs could easily be restrained by their owners, but the owners choose to let their pets continue to lick me to their hearts' content.

I've tried cold stares. I've tried backing as far into the elevator as I can go. The owners just smile and say, "Oh, this is Fluffy," as though I wish to personally be introduced to their dogs. Or they look offended that I'm not showering their dog with attention and compliments.

I've said, "Excuse me, but I'm allergic to dogs" (I'm not), to which they respond, "But he's hypoallergenic!" I've resorted to taking the stairs as much as I can, but this isn't always possible. I should also probably mention that I'm not a huge fan of dogs.

How do I take the elevator in peace without having to deal with daily unwelcome encounters with dogs? Please note that I am not talking about dogs trained to physically assist their owners. The beasts that I "meet" are usually, like their owners, badly behaved.

GENTLE READER: Dispense with the stares and the explanations. Dispense, also, with yourself: If an elevator car arrives with a dog already on board, wait for the next one; if a dog boards a car you are riding, push the next button and get off. This should get you at least partway to your destination.

If you need additional time to escape, Miss Manners will make you a deal. If, when a dog boards, you smile at the owner, she will not tell if, in your haste to get off, you inadvertently push two buttons.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If a person needs to send a sympathy card to a neighbor and the mailbox is directly next to theirs, should the card be mailed with a stamp or simply placed in the mailbox?

GENTLE READER: The etiquette rule is to write "By hand" on the envelope -- a charming form, if little used these days.

As Miss Manners assumes that stamping letters is how one pays for having them delivered -- rather than a shakedown for doing the post office's job for them -- she sees no reason to waste a stamp.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in public education and am not sure how to deal with colleagues who misuse words in documents to be published.

GENTLE READER: On the subject of word choice, Miss Manners notes that your own use of the term "colleague" obscures your relationship to the offender.

She takes you to mean people at work who do not report to you and did not ask for your assistance. Such people can, she realizes, be infuriating, but unasked-for editing requires a delicate touch -- as in, "Very colorful way to make your point! I really enjoyed it. Did you mean 'board' here when you wrote 'bored'?"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)