DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know very well that it is passe to correct others' speaking grammar, and I don't, but here is my situation.

I am a retired English professor who lives across the country from her grandson. Soon, the nearby grandmother will be taking on daily care of this grandson, and her grammar is poor. It is easy to say, "No worries -- so long as the parents' grammar is superior, the child will have enough other influences on his day-to-day speech," but honestly, I am saddened to think that phrases like "I seen it" will be in his ear for hours on end on a daily basis.

I know my daughter needs child care help, and that loving care from a family member is a great thing. Still, I cringe.

I have cultivated a relationship with the other grandmother, and in texts, I often respond with a corrected form of the grammar she has just trounced ("Oh, you SAW that last week?"). When I do visit, we cook and listen to music together; I think about selecting tunes like "I Saw (not SEEN!!) Her Standing There." If I did so, and she sang along, I wonder if that would be an opportunity to gently raise the issue, but I fall back on my former sense that one just does not do this.

I am looking now for toddlers' books that reinforce grammar. Is there anything else that I can do?

I know as time goes on and travel becomes easier, I will see my grandson more, and as he grows, I am sure to, with him, reinforce proper grammar, but what will I say if he says, "But (other) Grandma says (insert nongrammatical phrase)"?

GENTLE READER: Children are good at compartmentalizing. Some can learn two different languages by speaking them to their parents separately. So surely your grandson can grasp the concept that (other) Grandma likes to talk one way and you like to use proper grammar.

Of course, Miss Manners trusts that you will not say it like that, or do anything else except blush when your grandson inevitably corrects (other) Grandma and looks to you. At least it will not have been you doing the correcting.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've been dating a man for the third time. We are both in our early 70s. He's been texting and calling quite a bit during this time.

I had decided to break up with him ... again. But before I could say a word, he stopped texting and calling. So I stopped, too.

Is it bad form to leave it like this without saying goodbye, or good luck, or anything? I'm OK with ending things this way, but it doesn't seem right. Maybe it's easier for him?

GENTLE READER: For both of you, really. Perhaps he anticipated the breakup. Perhaps he assumed that eventually you would get back together again, so there was no need to go through the unpleasantness of formally ending it.

Either way, it seems to Miss Manners that you should take the win -- and try not to resent him for ending it first.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been divorced for 14 years and maintain an excellent relationship with my ex-wife. I have spent Thanksgiving at her home more than once, and she occasionally attends Christmas dinner at my home.

We have a daughter in her late 20s who is expecting her first child. She has given me a heads-up that her mother is going to ask me to pitch in for the baby shower that she is hosting next month. We are both quite successful, and she does not need the help.

This has been a pattern since our divorce: She decides to spend money on our daughter, tells her about the plans, and then asks me to split the cost. I fear looking like the bad guy if I say no, but I am a little tired of my ex continuing to dictate how I spend money.

GENTLE READER: The word you are looking for is "no" -- or, as Miss Manners has never understood why people expect satisfaction from being rude to an ex, "Thank you, but I have my own plans about what to do. Can you believe we are going to be grandparents?!" (The second half is to be delivered in your best "Look, a squirrel!" voice.)

Your daughter likely understands more than you think about the situation, including that, when you tell her that everyone is happier when there are clear boundaries in your relationship with your ex, you are not really including your ex among the "everyone."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If I accept two invitations to two different events and one date gets changed to the same date as the other, how do I decide which one to go to?

GENTLE READER: Go to the one that did not change dates; the other is a new invitation.

Hosts are not allowed to feel aggrieved that someone who accepted an invitation to the Capulet wedding in the morning is not available for what subsequently changed to a funeral in the evening.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I invited two friends over for a home-cooked dinner. I went the extra mile and prepared something special for them.

As the dinner ended, we gathered at the front door to exchange goodbyes. One friend ducked into the bathroom. My other friend and I clearly heard our friend vomit my meal into my toilet. We both asked if he was OK, and he acted like nothing happened and quickly left -- for a night of bar-hopping.

My friend drinks and eats way too much, and has started puking as a method of "banking" his calories for booze. I don't believe that this is bulimia; I think it is gluttony.

Am I wrong to be offended? Would you invite this person for meals in the future? My dinner is not important compared to someone's health, but when a glutton pukes up my cooking intentionally, that leaves me feeling disrespected.

GENTLE READER: Asking if your friend was OK was the decent thing to do. Everything else is speculation -- and, well, the bathroom door is there for a reason.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Whenever I throw a dinner party, I always make sure to provide tasty vegetarian dishes for those so inclined. I even make room for vegans, who can be quite demanding. But my vegetarian and vegan friends never provide a meat dish for anyone when they host a meal.

I think a little reciprocity is in order. People can always provide doggie bags if they are afraid of having a piece of fried chicken left over.

GENTLE READER: Let's not add fuel to a fire that is already too well-stoked.

Miss Manners realizes that not everyone with special dietary needs is polite about not drawing attention to them at the table. But that problem will not be solved by asking hosts -- who may be vegetarian for religious or health reasons that would be a serious impediment to what you propose -- to serve meat.

You add vegetarian dishes to ensure that people have something to eat, not to make available an endless number of choices.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am married with a great family, but in the back of my mind, I wonder if my mom is keeping something from me.

Years ago, I came home late after running errands for my mom, and I overheard her and my sibling talking. Mind you, I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but they were loud, and I heard the end of the conversation. The words I heard from my sibling were, "If my sister ever finds out, say this."

I wonder to this day what they are hiding from me. Maybe I was adopted, or maybe it's something else they prefer not to discuss. Every time I try to confront them, they look at me like they don't know what I am talking about. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: Had the conversation happened yesterday, Miss Manners might share your suspicion about their inability to remember the topic. But years later?

Likely, they really have forgotten -- as should you. If that is impossible, at least consider that a secret you do not know can be good as well as bad: Perhaps they were discussing your surprise birthday party.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend, who, when invited to dinner at my home, fills her plate but doesn't eat everything on it. Being sick and tired of watching my hard work and expensive groceries end up in the garbage, is there a polite way to ask her to go easy and then have seconds if she is still hungry?

GENTLE READER: No, but there is a solution to your problem, which has the added benefit of being more formal and decorous: Fill your guests' plates yourself.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)