DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know that married couples are always supposed to be invited as a pair, the exception being when there's a single-gender event like a bachelor party or bridal shower. However, what is the rule for inviting a same-sex partner when the spouse would usually be left out?

Hypothetical: I'm planning a women-only baby shower. The mother-to-be gives me a list of her close friends and relatives to invite. On the list is Aunt Abby (blood relative), who is married to Aunt Sal. Aunt Sal and the mother-to-be are not close.

If Aunt Sal were instead Uncle Sal, he would not expect to be invited because it's a women-only party. But is it rude to invite Aunt Sal when no one else gets a plus-one?

GENTLE READER: The idea that only women might be interested in celebrating a birth is one steeped in sexist tradition -- and yet the custom prevails. Perhaps because most women are too polite to point out that "Guess what's in the diaper?" is gross, and watching someone open presents is not entertainment.

However, if you insist on doing it, then you do not get to make up new rules because it suits another outdated expectation: that a woman would be married to a man.

It would be Miss Manners' preference to eliminate the gender separation altogether, making the party's eligibility based instead on interested parties: close family members and friends, including their spouses.

Either way, Aunt Sal should get to go. Whether or not she wants to is another question.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it not perfectly acceptable for a sister-in-law to call to have a brother-in-law visit his brother, her husband's, child?

I am that sister-in-law, and my irritating, obnoxious sister-in-law (that brother-in-law's wife) tried to make it seem like it was an unheard-of thing to do: "I could never see myself calling to have my husband's brother visit his brother's child."

Neither her husband nor mine (nor even myself, stupidly) corrected her at the time. I wish I had, because even with logic, there is nothing wrong with that. I know it is a rule of etiquette.

GENTLE READER: And yet both the logic and the etiquette escape Miss Manners at the moment. (As did the relationships, at first, but she thinks she has sorted them out. An uncle is being asked to visit a niece or nephew, correct? Why so many "in-laws," "husbands" and "brothers"?)

No one should be either demanding or avoiding contact with relatives. Ideally, it is voluntary. However, if you think that young Finley sorely misses playing video games with his uncle and would greatly benefit from one of his awesome pep talks, then you might phrase it as such -- rather than issuing a guilt-ridden demand, which is likely where all of this went off the rails in the first place.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Ah, weddings. My daughter is getting married in a few weeks, and I am looking forward to a lovely occasion. The bride and groom adamantly insisted on inviting only people they knew, not every relation. No "plus one" invitations were sent.

My sister-in-law approached the bride and then me, blithely suggesting she would bring her son's ex-wife along to stand in for her son, who is unlikely to attend. She seems to think wedding invitations are transferrable. She basically wants someone there to tend to her 7-year-old granddaughter, who was invited by name on her father's invitation.

My sister-in-law (a named guest) is welcome to bring her granddaughter (also a named guest), but the former daughter-in-law is a stranger to both the bride and me. We clearly told my sister-in-law that was unacceptable. She has now asked a second time, and I am worried she will just invite her anyway.

The reception is a sit-down dinner with a seating chart. It will be awkward, and my daughter will be thoroughly annoyed at being flouted. (I do not fault the ex-wife, and I doubt she would knowingly crash a stranger's wedding. I will go out of my way to avoid embarrassing her if she does appear.) Rather than argue with her aunt, my daughter asked me to handle it.

How far out of line is my sister-in-law? Are we out of touch with modern norms? Is this a clear social breach warranting a firm, precautionary phone call, or is it too petty to bother?

GENTLE READER: Much like most airline tickets, wedding invitations are not transferrable. Unfortunately, there are no monetary penalties to enforce it, only social ones. And as you point out, the ex-wife is likely not the one at fault.

Your letter indicates, however, that there might be a bigger problem at hand -- a 7-year old on the loose -- for which Miss Manners has a modicum of sympathy. You may have to choose between inviting the mother, procuring help and having a restless child at the wedding. There will likely be disruption with any of these options.

If you choose hired help over an uninvited guest, you may politely phrase it as, "If you are worried about Gigi's care, we understand. We may be able to provide some outside supervision for the children. But otherwise, we are confining the guest list to only people that we know."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When we entertain vegetarians for dinner in our home, our menu is always all-vegetarian. When we dine out in restaurants with vegetarians, must we refrain from eating fish or meat out of consideration for their dining preferences?

GENTLE READER: Unless your companions have an airborne fish or meat allergy, a restaurant is a place where all diners are entitled to order what they like -- without fear of judgment or rebuke.

That said, Miss Manners and your vegetarian companions would find it gracious of you not to order a huge slab of bleeding cow, or to choose a restaurant called "Meat Meat Meat." Although she does hear they have an excellent salad bar.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I came down with COVID-19. Several of my friends have graciously offered to deliver meals, which I have accepted.

Most of my symptoms are now gone, but I am still quarantined for a few more days. I am still receiving meal offers. Since I am now able to prepare my own meals, is it appropriate to continue to accept these offers?

GENTLE READER: The standard is to ask yourself: When is this help no longer required?

Miss Manners recognizes that this is an even hazier standard than the one you propose. But she needs to make allowance for those who, for example, may be able to prepare a meal but still have more-than-usual trouble acquiring the ingredients (perhaps because they cannot yet go out and they never had the technological sophistication to order in).

Her practical solution is to imagine what you would like to avoid -- having a friend arriving at your doorstep with food to see you mounting your bicycle or, as your quarantine ends, sallying out dressed for a night on the town -- and then stop the meals long before that is likely to happen.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My twin sister and I have always shared friend circles. She is far more outgoing than I, and usually she made friends and I got to tag along.

For years, we have shared the same social circle, which is grounded in a hobby. About six months ago, she and the leader of the group had a nasty disagreement, which saw her and her boyfriend walk out of the hobby/social circle.

I see both sides of the argument, understand how she was personally hurt, and think the leader ought to apologize, but I know he won't. On the other hand, I also don't think it was worth essentially blowing up the world over.

Now to my problem: how to move forward socially. My sister still harbors resentment towards these people, who are some of my closest friends. I feel awkward inviting everyone to the same events, or going to events where one party is excluded. How do I navigate a "friend divorce" when one of the friends is my sister?

GENTLE READER: Inviting everyone to the same social event would, indeed, be awkward, as your sister and the social circle are no longer on speaking terms. It is therefore best avoided.

But socializing separately with them and your sister is more complex. A break brought about by serious maltreatment on one side leaves you little choice but to side with the injured party. However, it sounds like this break was not, to your thinking, so clear-cut.

If you can convince your sister that you are not injuring her by keeping such people as friends -- independently from your relationship with her -- you also have Miss Manners' blessing. This is so even if your sister's agreement is half-hearted.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)