DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband is former military, and the men in his family are avid hunters. I am comfortable with our son's eventual exposure to real guns, including his being trained in safe gun handling when he is older: It is part of my husband's family's culture.

My husband and I agree, however, that toy guns are inappropriate for young children. We know that kids will play pretend however they want to, and our son will be exposed to toy guns outside of our house, but we'd really like to discourage family from giving him these toys -- if not forever, then at least until he is much older.

Is there a polite way to inform family members that we do not want our 3-year-old son to receive toy guns as gifts? If not, what should our son's thank-you note say -- "Thank you for the plastic Uzi machine gun that I will never see again"?

Or does he thank his relatives for the Billy the Kid replica revolver, then inform them that Mama and Daddy have put it away until he is old enough to play with it, while I hope they get the hint? I don't want to embarrass or alienate my in-laws either way.

GENTLE READER: Family can be informed of your ground rules, but Miss Manners agrees that it is best to have a backup plan. If you do indeed intercept a toy gun given to your son, two things must happen: Someone needs to thank the givers -- even though they stepped out of bounds; and someone needs to tell them that the present did not reach its intended target.

That should be done not by Little Liam, but by you, who can write that you know how much he is going to look forward to playing with it when he is older. This will make your point -- forcefully, as the giver will realize that Liam thinks his birthday was ignored. Please remember that, and be gentle with the givers when they remonstrate. It is good practice for any parent.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At gift-giving occasions, I have often been around people who inform others that the gift they purchased was expensive. For example, as a birthday gift, an adult relative received a hardcover copy of a new book. I heard the giver asking them to please not pass it on to anyone else after reading, because "it was expensive."

And at a Christmas gathering, my husband and I received a lovely bedding set. The giver has asked, more than once, if we are using the set, because apparently "it was very expensive." We do like and use it, although we did not have a specific wish for new bedding -- nor anything else expensive. It was completely this person's idea.

We also felt awkward because our gift to them seemed insufficient after they informed us of their expense.

Beyond a "thank you," what is the appropriate response to being informed that a gift was expensive?

GENTLE READER: Assure the givers, with a beaming face, that such gifts are precious to you not because of the cost, but because it came from them. It will drive them crazy.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After writing two books of my own, which were published by a small press, I collaborated with an artist on a lovely meditative book. We self-published it, so the expenses have all been upfront and out of our own pockets. We agreed to set aside a few copies for each of us to use as special recognition gifts for those who inspired a particular essay or painting.

To stave off requests, I made it known that I plan to add a copy to the library of our family's vacation house so that when family members are there, they can read it if they like. Yet several still say they would love to have their own copy.

I have directed them toward convenient outlets to purchase the book, and tried to ignore their silent disappointment at not being given a copy. One of my family members then asked if she could have a copy of one of my previous books -- with absolutely no intention of paying for it!

I can't give away something I will end up paying for twice -- once for the printing and the second time to make up the price of a sale to my collaborator. The book contains a great deal of art and was expensive to print.

Am I being rude to expect that the cost/value of my and my collaborator's work be respected? After all, if I made wheelbarrows in a factory, would family members each expect a free wheelbarrow?

GENTLE READER: Some family members would expect two wheelbarrows, possibly filled with loot for their weddings, anniversaries, birthdays and any other occasions that came to mind. But that is not the point.

What you have done is sufficient -- to the rest, look apologetic and then think no more about it. Aside from being an author herself, Miss Manners believes that not taking too much advantage of family members' professional abilities is a good general rule.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was surprised to receive a birthday card from a neighbor who lives a block away and whom I barely know. I have never been forthcoming about my birthday, rarely disclosing it even to close friends, never mind acquaintances.

I know that it would be rude to scold this woman for an act of generosity, but I'm not the least bit pleased that she went snooping for my personal information to send me the card.

How do I politely express my thanks but tell her not to do it again, and inquire as to how she got my date of birth to begin with?

GENTLE READER: Calling what your neighbor did snooping is too harsh for something that was likely well-meant, and scolding or interrogating her would therefore be inexcusable.

But if much research needed to be involved, Miss Manners can see why you felt it was a bit cheeky. The proper response to those who take unwelcome liberties is distant politeness: Next time you see her, you can say "thank you" without putting much heart into your delivery.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I had a couple over for dinner -- longtime friends of ours. I prepared filet mignon and served one to each person. As always, we enjoyed their company and our shared meal.

The woman of the couple did not completely finish her filet mignon, which I understand. However, after she finished eating, she said "Oh, Fido is going to enjoy this" -- Fido being their dog and "this" being the leftover filet mignon.

I am still irritated, for these reasons: 1. By inviting them to dinner, we implicitly agreed to feed them, not their dog. 2. A statement like, "This steak was very good, but I cannot eat it all; is it OK if I take it home for lunch tomorrow?" would have been acceptable. 3. My wife and I have our own dog, who would have enjoyed the leftover steak.

My wife does not condone my reasons for finding our guest's statement irritating. She believes that once the food is on a guest's plate, it is the guest's to do with as he or she wishes.

Who has dibs on leftover steak? If the leftovers are the guest's, is it appropriate for the guest to state that it will become dog food? Does the concept of a "doggy bag" exist outside of restaurants?

GENTLE READER: Yes, it exists as a euphemism. Apparently, you would feel better knowing that the lady planned to eat it herself, which may well have been the case. That is the understanding at restaurants, where the food has been bought by the customer.

But after the holiday season, where fighting over leftovers seems to have become a major social sport, Miss Manners refuses to continue with issues concerning food left on individual plates. Please consider that having specifically given this food to your guest, you have no further interest in its destination.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are moving to a small, charming city very popular with tourists. In the past, we have hosted guests in our small condo there, and we expect to continuing welcoming visitors to our slightly larger home. As we will now be locals, I plan to get involved in organizations and activities.

When we have guests, is it permissible for me to encourage them to do some activities on their own? We would provide them with a car, and spend part of every day with them, but now that we will no longer be visitors ourselves, I'd rather encourage our guests to be more independent. Is there a way to do that without being rude?

GENTLE READER: It may not have occurred to you, but Miss Manners assures you that even the most grateful guests wonder how they can have some time on their own without seeming rude to their hosts.

It is up to you, as hosts, to set the schedule, explaining when you have time to be with them, and asking if they want suggestions about what to do in their free time.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)