DEAR MISS MANNERS: In social settings, is it OK to finish a conversation and walk away when doing so leaves the other person awkwardly alone?

I was chatting with someone I did not know at a party. After about 20 minutes of pleasant conversation, I used a pause to say I was going to refresh my drink and asked if the man would like one himself. He said no, and I walked away and joined friends in another room. He was left sitting alone, and I felt a bit guilty.

I know I'm not obligated to sit with him until someone else joins us, which may not happen, but is there a better way to leave?

GENTLE READER: The only people who never have such awkward moments -- being stuck talking to the same person or being left adrift -- are people who refuse to attend these types of parties. And Miss Manners cannot say that she blames them.

Had another guest been on the loose in the vicinity, it would have been graceful for you to nab a substitute as you left. But such is not always the case, and your excuse, which implied that the gentleman could have accompanied you to the bar, or that you would have been willing to come back to him with a drink had he wanted one, was polite.

Such parties are hazardous, and the hosts should be on the lookout to draw people together. But there is only so much guests can do to rescue one another.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who asks me from time to time to go shopping with her. Neither of us has a car, so we use public transit, and always eat out where we shop.

The trouble is, she finds a problem with everything -- from the driver of the bus to whatever she has ordered at the restaurant. At a restaurant, for example, she will order more biscuits or a to-go drink AFTER the bill has been presented. She is very loud and repetitive about making her case known. She will keep repeating herself over the person in charge, confusing them and blaming them.

I have told her that her complaints would be more effective if she did not scream repeatedly at the staff, and also that it is wrong to order food after the bill arrives. But she says they expect this, as she has waitress experience -- which amounts to about six months over the course of her 58 years. It's left me not wanting to go shopping with her at all.

Other than this behavior, I love her conversation and company. Any ideas on how to deal with her?

GENTLE READER: Well, not by shopping or eating out, as Miss Manners trusts that you have learned.

Why don't the two of you go fishing together? Or hiking in the mountains? Or skydiving? Then you could enjoy each other's conversation without causing collateral damage.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One's bank account, knowledge of formal social rules and ability to follow table etiquette are not necessarily synonymous with true graciousness, consideration and courtesy. In fact, they may be covering up one's insincerity and disdain for others. I find it unfair that the well-dressed and seemingly more refined are often credited with being more "appropriate" in society than those who are unpretentious and casual.

The backstory is that when my sister and I were children, one aunt would take us into the city for dinner and a play, introducing us to the more refined things in life. It was very enjoyable at the time. We considered her lessons on how to present oneself in a dignified manner and follow respectable social mores invaluable. She was quick to point out social gaffes and inappropriate dress and demeanor, thus teaching us how to perform in social situations.

Some years later, after we were grown -- and after having slowly grown apart from this aunt, as well as from another aunt and cousin -- my sister decided to invite them over to her home for dinner. It was a small gathering. They arrived two hours early, taking my sister off guard, but she said nothing.

During the course of small talk, while waiting for the meal to finish cooking, they commented on a liqueur bottle perched on a shelf. My sister enthusiastically offered them a sip and poured the servings into appropriate liqueur glasses. While sipping the liqueur, one aunt, frowning seriously, commented that this beverage really should not have been offered until AFTER dinner. She whispered this to our cousin and other aunt, but I overheard her quite clearly.

Later, the subject of a famous family from the Italian Renaissance came up. I unknowingly mispronounced the surname of this family, and was sternly corrected by one aunt.

When dinner was being served, my cousin mentioned that she was quite scared to drive through our town as she thought she was being "followed by gang members," and that some people she knows (not her, mind you) thought that where we live is a "ghetto." Our cousin also commented on how "comfy and lived-in" the home is, and how charming she found the mismatched furniture.

Who is more guilty of a rude, offensive social gaffe? The one serving guests an after-dinner drink before dinner, or the ones arriving two hours early, correcting another guest's grammar and insulting the host's home and neighborhood?

GENTLE READER: It would be difficult for anyone with normal powers of observation to believe that there is a link between having money and behaving well. So let's not start class warfare here.

Besides, they are your own relatives. And while they are no longer exemplars of good manners, they are used to thinking of you as a child in need of instruction. If you cannot bring yourself to find this amusing, Miss Manners suggests gently reminding them that you are now grown up and responsible for your own behavior.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Aloha! I've hosted many houseguests over the years, most with no problems, but occasionally I've had a few bad ones. How do you handle people who come into your home and totally rearrange everything to suit themselves?

I believe in being as accommodating and hospitable as I can. But I had two incidents of people who wanted everything their way: "We're vegetarians, so you can't keep any animal products in the house while we're there," for instance, and, "We like our bed facing a certain way." So they rearranged all the furniture in their room. The couch didn't "look right" to them, so when I returned from being out one day, my whole living room was rearranged to their liking.

I always get coffee ready the night before, so it starts automatically and is ready by 7 a.m. or so. This was an inconvenience for them, as they don't drink it or like the smell. The list continued. They made all the plans, picked all the restaurants and meal times AND expected me to pay.

I tell everyone who stays with me, "Help yourself to anything you want. If you're hungry, go eat." But no, with these people, I was expected to make any food they wanted, even a sandwich.

At what point do you finally put your foot down and respectfully but firmly tell them they've overstepped their bounds? I know it'd cause tension, but I've always been respectful when I'm invited to a friend's home to stay.

Living in Hawaii, many people want to come to stay with you for the free room and board, but some people just don't have any concept of taking advantage of a friend's hospitality.

GENTLE READER: At what point do you put an end to this madness, you ask? Sometime in between their dictating what food you can keep in your house and their rearranging your furniture.

Miss Manners suggests that you tell them: "I am so sorry that our house is not to your liking, but while we want you to be comfortable, we're keeping it the way it is. I know of some wonderful hotels nearby, however, that only charge a nominal fee for eliminating any wayward coffee smells."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In place of "sir," "madam" and "miss," how should one address a nonbinary person or a person whose gender is unknown when you don't know their name?

I once asked this of a friend with a nonbinary child, and she became very defensive, insisting that saying "excuse me" was good enough. I just don't think "excuse me" conveys the respect I want to afford a stranger, nor does it go beyond getting someone's attention.

GENTLE READER: "Sir," "madam," "ma'am" and "miss" all fail to narrow down the particulars, either -- and run equal risk of offending: "I'm too young to be a ma'am!" or "Don't define me by my marital status!" being the most common (and rude) retorts.

Miss Manners will do her part in asking everyone to calm down and exercise tolerance when it comes to these inaccurate guesses. But if we can avoid guessing altogether, that would also be helpful. She therefore defends your friend's option -- if not its defensive delivery -- of simply saying "Excuse me."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)