DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I phone businesses, sometimes the person answering will say, "To whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?" This salutation has occurred frequently enough that it appears to be a common business practice, and that a whole generation of associates have been trained to use it.

To date, I have answered, "I think you are asking for my name. My name is Daisy Dingle."

On one occasion, I allowed my frustration to become evident by answering, "This is not an appropriate way for you to address me. This is not a social call; this is a business call. My name is Daisy Dingle."

I will say I was treated rather frostily, although efficiently, after saying this. What is the best way to respond to this salutation?

GENTLE READER: Whatever trends come and go, it will always be rude to snap back at people who are only trying to be polite. "Who is calling, please?" might be more businesslike, but Miss Manners is pleased to see that the longer version includes the word "whom." It's been a long time.

The best way to respond? "Daisy Dingle from the Rankal Company. May I please speak to Mr. Hinkle?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are you ever tempted to comment on the general rudeness of the comments your readers post about these letters and your responses?

GENTLE READER: Never.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Some years ago, for several months, I worked for a business owned by an older married couple. They were nice people, but rather straight-laced, prim and proper.

One day the husband was hashing over some things with me, and he said that his wife would prefer that I not eat an apple when she is talking to me. She had said, according to him, "It's rude; he shouldn't do it."

In fairness, he delivered this in a reasonable, non-abusive manner, and he was pretty decent about hearing what I had to say. But the statement "It's rude; he shouldn't do it" didn't sit very well with me.

I didn't mean anything by eating the apple, so what was "rude" about it? If I had done something inherently disrespectful, like saying, "Shut the (expletive) up," that would have been another matter.

This was a hot button for me, because a number of people in my life, including my parents, have said that my innocent actions were rude. And unlike my then-employer, they were quite nasty about it. Why can't I decree that other people's innocuous actions are rude?

GENTLE READER: Because you know firsthand how unpleasant that is.

But that is not to say that unintentional rudeness does not exist. Apologies are due for unfortunate consequences, whatever the motivation. If you step on someone's foot, it hurts even if you didn't mean to do it.

You cannot expect Miss Manners to judge the apple question without knowing the circumstances; neither does she know whether your nasty relatives nevertheless had legitimate grievances. It seems to her that all of you would profit from questioning your own actions.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have noticed that many female TV anchors and reporters wear skimpy outfits that would be more appropriate at the beach. Men always dress in proper outfits, while many women wear sleeveless tops that do not look professional. Why are women allowed to do this?

GENTLE READER: "Allowed"?

Miss Manners has also noticed the gender discrepancy in clothing styles among male and female newscasters. But she hardly thinks that working journalists are insisting upon wearing frivolous clothes on the job.

You might consider the possibility that someone in the station or network hierarchy has decreed that female broadcasters should look flirty -- like flight attendants, back when they were called stewardesses.

If we go even further back, broadcasters used to wear evening clothes at night -- even radio broadcasters. Formality, if anyone remembers that once-respectable concept, was intended to signify seriousness, not playfulness. (Anyway, those broadcasters were all male, so titillation was not an issue.)

To get back to the present: Sleevelessness at the anchor desk doesn't seem as incongruous as party clothes. Plunging necklines and dangling earrings may be fetching on the social scene, but that is hardly the context in which one expects people to be announcing mass shootings and raging fires.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had the privilege and honor of serving my country for almost 30 years. It was a great life, but it was rough on my body, and I have several painful injuries and other medical conditions. I am, however, lucky not to have a missing limb or other apparent external injuries.

I was determined by the Veterans Administration to be "Permanently and Totally Disabled," and received a "Disabled Veteran" handicap license plate for my vehicle.

The problem is that when I park my car in a handicapped spot, I am told, "You don't look handicapped!" I prefer not to respond rudely or with profanity, but would like some guidance for a response.

GENTLE READER: You could respond "Thank you," which should throw anyone expecting a defensive reaction.

But Miss Manners does not recommend engaging with intrusive know-it-alls. While it may be tempting to teach such people a lesson, they are unlikely to be listening. If you cannot simply ignore that taunt, she suggests merely saying, "Well, I am," before moving on.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why not put out the spoons and allow guests to decide which utensils they'll use? Regardless of the menu, not everyone has the same definitions of fork- and spoon-worthy foods -- and the same goes for knives.

GENTLE READER: Are you mad? Don't you think that etiquette suffers enough from the idea that choosing the correct flatware is a sly test designed to humiliate the uninformed?

Miss Manners' vehement defense is that only the utensils useful for the meal are provided, that they are placed in outside-to-inside order of use, and that other diners should mind their own meals and not monitor anyone else -- except their minor children, who should also be taught not to sniff at well-meaning people.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 48-year-old man with a new girlfriend who is 40. We each have two children. We've been together four months now. Things are going really well, so we decided to involve our kids in the relationship.

I see a lot of differences in manners between the two families. One thing that is starting to perturb me somewhat is the use of the word "should." My girlfriend uses it all the time, constantly: "You should do this" and "You should do that." I recently met her dad, and now I know where she got it from. She comes by it honestly.

I try not to say "You should" or even "I should." The former, to me, is rude. You are telling someone what to do, as if their way is inferior. It sets an expectation. You are trying to change them.

For the latter, telling myself "I should" sounds weak. I'm saying I really ought to do something a better way, but I don't have the fortitude to do it. My girlfriend thinks my reasoning is crazy.

Is telling someone "you should" poor manners? Frankly, I'm growing tired of hearing her tell me what I "should" do.

GENTLE READER: Even doctors -- or advice columnists -- would do well not to use "should" if for no other reason than the risk of being wrong. Miss Manners agrees that it is generally impolite -- and its commanding and know-it-all nature not worth the annoyance to the listener.

But as with so many verbal generalities, it is also situational, and common sense must prevail. A colleague of Miss Manners' is fond of saying that no one wants a collaborative firefighter, debating whether or not one "could" exit a burning building. So let us also be careful not to overcorrect.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way to eat rambutans?

GENTLE READER: With a porcupine. So that it can teach you its ways.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the etiquette for greeting co-workers or acquaintances whom one sees repeatedly during the day?

I am a teacher. I am lucky enough to have delightful colleagues, with many of whom I am cordial, but not close. We see each other frequently in the halls.

How many times should we greet each other out loud? When, if ever, is it permissible to acknowledge one another with a smile and a quick nod of the head?

I would not wish my fellow teachers to think me rude, but neither do I wish to engage in the awkwardness of one-sided greetings.

GENTLE READER: One full-on greeting a day per colleague is plenty, followed by subsequent hallway nods, smiles, salutes, high-fives and utterances of "'sup," depending upon the intimacy of each relationship.

Rotating these exchanges will no doubt result in a misplaced "Not much!" to a "How's it going?", but Miss Manners has faith that you and your co-workers will find your rhythm eventually.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)