DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I graduated from school, I moved in with my parents to start saving for a home. I am so close, and am looking forward to purchasing a home in the next six months or so!

Where my struggle comes in is with my older sister, who moved back to the city shortly before I did. She makes quite a bit more than me and was able to afford a condo a short distance from my parents' home.

The challenge is that, since I was vaccinated, I have had a pretty active social life, going out to happy hours several times a week and finding new groups to make friends. My sister, on the other hand, seems to struggle quite a bit with making friends, and instead comes over to my parents' house for nearly nightly dinners.

She expects to hang out with me, but seems unable to plan to do so, expecting me just to be there and spend time with her so she isn't lonely.

When I tell her I had already made plans to go out that evening, she gets upset, telling me I am ditching her -- or she invites herself along (without much subtlety). I know she is upset because she wants friends too, but I don't feel it is my job to make friends for her, to be her only friend, nor to awkwardly take her along with me to a movie night at someone's house where she doesn't know anyone. Nor do I feel that is fair to the host.

In truth, some of these nights out are dates. I just tell her I am meeting a friend to avoid the gossip I know it will cause.

What am I supposed to do when she inevitably invites herself to a first date, and gets roaringly upset when I tell her it's not my place to invite people?

GENTLE READER: "I'm afraid it's not my event to invite you to, but let's plan an outing soon with friends I think you'd really like." And then, Miss Manners suggests, you find some fast.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am hosting a bridal shower for my stepdaughter. Only two children are included, and they are both in the bridal party. But an invited guest returned the response with her 5-year-old daughter's name written on it along with hers.

How do I politely tell her not to bring her child? I feel it is unfair to all the other young girls who were not invited, along with being tacky.

GENTLE READER: "I am afraid that Lindsey is not having children at the shower; she is only inviting her young cousins because they are in the bridal party. I'm sure it would be terribly boring for Sadie anyway."

You may then helpfully add, "Do you have a good sitter? Because I would be happy to help find one." And then Miss Manners suggests that you keep that on file for the scores of other requests that will undoubtedly follow.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I want to be upfront and admit that I'm a picky eater, and that I am also on a budget. So I rarely say yes to work invitations to order out. However, whenever I am in charge of ordering for our group, I make sure to invite everyone.

One day, our group was planning to eat lunch together and decided to order from one of my favorite restaurants, where I haven't been for a long time. I found out about the order only when their food came.

I was very hurt and dismayed that I was excluded. I do not expect to be included every time someone orders takeout. But I would think that when a group of people is planning to eat together, the polite thing is to let everyone invited know their options.

Am I wrong? If I am right, is there a way to convey that, without being rude, so that nobody feels this way in the future?

GENTLE READER: In principle, everyone in the same small group should be invited to participate. The practice is trickier with a longstanding group who know one another's preferences -- particularly in an age where it is easy to offend unintentionally.

Miss Manners has no trouble imagining a person taking offense at receiving a sixth invitation (after giving five refusals) on the grounds that she does not like to be reminded that she is on a budget. It would be best for everyone to assume good intentions -- and for you to tell a few co-workers that you love that particular restaurant, in the hope that they will remember for next time.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I occasionally dine with a small group of friends, and we engage in conversation both during dinner and after. However, whenever I start to speak, one friend will turn to begin a side conversation with the person next to him. Although I immediately pause and give a rather icy stare, this does not stop my friend from continuing his new conversation, making it so that I don't finish mine.

I've always felt that, particularly in small groups, only one person should talk at a time while others listen, and that to start another conversation while someone is speaking is a rude interruption. My friend disagrees, saying that simultaneous conversations are allowed, and that my abrupt silence is the rude gesture. Which of us is correct?

GENTLE READER: Although she sides with your friend that multiple conversations are permissible, Miss Manners notes that you may have a different idea of how to begin such side discussions politely. Interrupting another person mid-sentence is rude. It is therefore material whether your friend spoke to the person next to him when you were about to speak, or when you were already speaking.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in a business where the door to the men's room is the traditional type of door you would find in a residence. In other words, it has a doorknob that you turn to gain entry, as opposed to a door that you simply push to enter and that automatically closes.

I have a long-running debate with a co-worker who always completely closes the door after using the room. When I see that that door is closed, I assume the restroom is occupied, and therefore suspend my business until I see that the door has been left ajar.

At some point, I am forced to knock on the door. I am hesitant to do this, because if someone is in there, I have just interrupted their privacy.

I have talked with my co-worker until I'm blue in the face, but he will not change his behavior. His argument is that seeing a toilet from the hallway is unsightly, and therefore his action is helping project a cleaner and more aesthetically pleasing public area.

I don't disagree with his logic, but would it hurt to leave the door mostly closed and send the signal that the room is unoccupied? He has agreed to abide by your opinion on this matter.

GENTLE READER: You neglect to mention whether you will also abide by Miss Manners' decision. She asks only because you are both right, and you are both wrong.

Office decorum accepts on faith that the toilet facilities are fully equipped without requiring -- or wanting -- visual confirmation. Perhaps your door is well-behaved enough to remain slightly open without also revealing what lies beyond. In this case, a half-open-door policy is acceptable.

A closed-door policy is also allowed -- if those on the other side understand it and do not, as you fear, jump when they hear the inevitable knock.

A third solution would be a reversible sign on the door like the ones that warn other members of the household whether the dishes in the dishwasher are dirty or clean. This would not be acceptable at home, where it is easier to know who is where.

How much of the office will need to be consulted to agree upon a solution will depend on your office culture -- and how much actual work there is keeping people busy. Miss Manners' only preference is that, if you agree on a reversible sign, you choose one whose message is businesslike.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a late-afternoon lecture, in a stuffy room, on a topic that wasn't as interesting as I had hoped. Unfortunately, I nodded off once or twice.

I didn't know what to do: stay and risk nodding off again, or leave and risk catching everyone's attention and disrupting the speaker? I really didn't want to do either, but it was a really boring lecture.

GENTLE READER: Unfair as it may seem, visibly sleeping through a lecture is rude. Your choice is therefore to excuse yourself or to learn how to sleep without getting caught.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)