DEAR MISS MANNERS: My name is unusual, and admittedly not pronounced the way it looks on paper to English speakers. Because of that, I usually answer to all sorts of permutations of my name when speaking with people with whom I do not have either a friendly or business relationship.

However, with people I expect to work with or see more frequently, I offer the correct pronunciation of my name the first few times they get it wrong. If they are really struggling with it, I even offer a mnemonic to help them to remember. My name consists of only two syllables, so it is not that difficult to get it right.

For how long should I offer assistance to people who, for whatever reason, just can't get it right?

GENTLE READER: At a certain point -- and there is no hard rule about when this happens -- repetition of the mistake becomes studied disrespect.

Rather than give up, that is the time to identify a third party in a position of authority: a spouse, a boss, a mutual friend -- or a human resources director.

What you are seeking from that person is not advice (which is easy for them to give), but some personal intervention, and it is therefore necessary to be direct.

Well, somewhat direct. "I am sure this is not meant as intentional disrespect," Miss Manners would have you say to the third party, when soliciting their intervention, "but because it has been going on for months, it feels that way to me." This gives the offender a way out without letting the third party off so easily.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I think I was taught good table manners, including not talking with your mouth full, keeping your lips closed while chewing, not gulping food, etc. But I am wondering if I missed an important point.

I've lately noticed several women -- my sister, my daughter-in-law and a couple of friends -- who cover their mouths with their left hands while they are chewing. The food is conveyed to their mouths with the fork held in the right hand, and the fork and right hand rest on the plate until the next bite.

Did I miss something? Is it more polite or delicate to cover one's mouth while chewing? I've occasionally copied this, and my husband chides me for having my hands on my face.

GENTLE READER: As you are on intimate terms with the people in question, you might ask them where they got this strange notion. Your sister cannot claim a different cultural background from you.

Miss Manners suspects this is a misguided attempt to ensure 100% compliance with the principle of not being seen chewing with one's mouth open.

Etiquette has many rules to protect people from the unpleasant sights, smells and sounds of their nearest and dearest. She relies on everyone not only to apply them in good faith -- but also to overlook tiny infractions by others. Making up new rules is not only confusing, it is endless, as there is always another percent of a percent to be found.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I adore my longtime boyfriend and the happy life we have built together. There is, however, a recurring issue over which we cyclically disagree: his birthday.

While never truly enjoying getting older, I have always enjoyed celebrating my own birthday -- what a wonderful excuse to see loved ones and share a good time over food and/or drinks! My boyfriend, however, sees his birthday in an entirely different light.

Sharing a life with him, I am privy to some of the horror stories that were his birthdays growing up. To be blunt, they weren't great. But that life is decades behind him.

We, an out and proud gay couple, have been blessed with many friends who have become as dear to us as any blood kin could ever be. They have regularly expressed their desire to celebrate his birthday over the years. Sadly, my boyfriend will often lie to them (or expect me to do so!) about his exact birthday, claiming the date has already passed.

I think this behavior is selfish. I've had plenty of bad birthdays, even with people I love, but I would never think to use that as a feeble excuse to justify deceit. What's more, I'm crushed that we have so many wonderful people in our lives who want to celebrate this wonderful man, and he takes offense!

He claims the effort and energy of showing appreciation over gifts or muddling through small talk (which, to be fair, isn't his forte) just makes the day about everyone else and all the more difficult to bear.

I don't know how to justify this mentality to myself or others. I've suggested he talk to a professional about it, but to me it seems he's simply hellbent on denying our loved ones the chance to celebrate him and show their happiness that he was born. Instead, he's chosen contempt!

Please, help! What is the kind and gracious approach to show him the error of his ways? How do I stop these faux pas that are cavalier at best, and cruel at worst?

GENTLE READER: And demonstrate your love and appreciation by forcing him to endure an event he finds unpleasant?

It is possible that in addition to his bad memories, he has seen too much of people using birthdays as a self-centered test for others to prove their devotion, usually concluding that they failed. But that hardly matters. The important part is that the gentleman does not enjoy these parties. Are you seriously suggesting that he seek therapy for this?

Miss Manners hopes you and his friends will find ways to show him appreciation that he actually enjoys.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know about the existence of dessert spoons and forks, as well as their placement and purpose. But I still don't understand how to eat with them.

Eat the cake with the fork and leave the spoon alone? Eat the ice cream with the spoon and leave the fork? If there's a sauce, do I -- or may I -- eat with the fork and mop up with the spoon? Do you ever use both at once?

GENTLE READER: Indeed you do: That is the default method at formal meals, used for every dessert except those when it would be ridiculous. So please do not let Miss Manners hear of your applying a spoon to cake or a fork to ice cream (unless it is an ice cream fork).

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Does no one observe the dinner hour anymore?

My dear grandmother, the etiquette expert in my family, instructed me at an early age that it was impolite to call anyone between the hours of 5 p.m. and 7 p.m. unless the matter was urgent, because it was assumed that most families ate dinner during that time.

I understand that times have changed (not necessarily for the better, in my opinion) and many people don't cook or eat at home on a regular basis. Not that it matters -- the advent of the cellphone has made it possible to interrupt someone's dinner wherever they may be having it.

Neither my family nor my circle of close friends is large, but I can't tell you the last time I prepared and consumed a meal without my phone ringing at least once. I don't answer, but will contact the caller when dinner is over and the cleanup has been completed. My husband agrees with me on this, and he doesn't answer his phone during dinner either (although his rings less often).

My adult children know better than to challenge me on the subject, but a couple of my friends have taken umbrage with my choice. According to them, the correct procedure is to answer the phone, immediately tell the caller you're having dinner, and assure them that you'll call back as soon as you're finished.

Confident that you will side with me, I have agreed to abide by your say on this matter, and so have two of my disgruntled friends.

GENTLE READER: If Miss Manners allows you to triumph over your friends, and also offers a simple solution to your problem, will you tolerate her sounding off a bit?

This is prompted by that remark you tossed off about change. Deploring change is thought to be one of etiquette's basic activities.

Nonsense. Its very interest in tradition means that it knows what sort of appalling customs have been practiced through history, many of which we are lucky to be rid of.

But there are also valuable innovations. It is Miss Manners' job to sort through them in the interest of persuading people to avoid the bad ones and adopt the good. She puts the three changes you cite in different categories.

-- Bad: the demise of the nightly household dinner. It is where people bond, as well as where children learn the art of conversation and how to eat without disgusting others. But many overscheduled routines were paused during the pandemic, and she hopes the resulting dinners at home will stay.

-- Good: Telephone ringers can easily be turned off now, and will even keep track of who called so that you can call back after dinner.

-- Neutral: calling between 5 and 7. As you realize, it cannot be assumed that the nation is all at dinner then (your dear grandmother must have eaten very early), and anyway, it is the callees, not the callers, who can now control when they speak.

Please do that. But you can tell your other advisers that even the brief use they suggest of the telephone at the dinner table is rude.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)