DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 60-year-old mother insists on keeping her cat's litter box in the kitchen. Her cat does not cover his business, so there is naked, exposed fecal matter sitting in our kitchen.

I have a 13-month-old daughter who tries to play in the litter box every chance she gets, so I asked my mother to move it. We have a three-story house, so there are plenty of places for it. She absolutely refuses, even though my daughter is at risk. Whenever I ask her to move it, she ignores me; when I ask her to get an enclosed cat box, she ignores me. She also refuses to move the cat food that my daughter thinks is a tasty snack.

What do I do? I feel she's being SUPER selfish, but she feels there's no problem with exposed poop in the kitchen with a baby running around.

This is really affecting our relationship, which was contentious to begin with.

GENTLE READER: What is the living situation here? Miss Manners gathers that you all co-habit and that those circumstances are unavoidable?

While exposed feces is certainly not ideal, you and your baby daughter probably have some personal experience with it yourselves -- which your mother may find equally unpleasant.

Miss Manners also suspects that even if the litter box were hidden on the third floor, your daughter would find it. Babies have a knack for that kind of mischievous self-sabotage.

Your best course would be to teach your daughter the dangers of sharing facilities with the cat -- and, for the sake of your relationship with your mother, to find a way to move out when you are able.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend has a horrible habit of calling out my name when we're in public. If he's looking for me in a store, instead of walking around a bit, he just starts yelling my name!

When we were meeting up at a store once, he was coming down an escalator and called my name out to get my attention -- from across the store! He said he didn't want to scare me by just walking up to me.

When I was trying on an outfit one time, he went to find me a smaller size. Instead of waiting until I came out (with another outfit on to show him), he started yelling my name into the dressing room -- just to tell me they didn't have the size!

It's embarrassing! People stare! He's 33 years old! Am I overreacting? I've tried to mention it but he just doesn't seem to care!

GENTLE READER: Bet he would if you did the same in the men's locker room.

But Miss Manners is not in the business of revenge. At least not the overt kind. Perhaps instead, if you had the stomach for it, you could just yell back, in response, "JEREMY WATKINS, IS THAT YOU?" If he questions it, you could say, "What? I thought this was our volume now."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over a century ago, when my grandmother had a heart attack, she collected her children and their spouses together and distributed her valuables, as she did not want to be bothered with writing a will.

When she gave her jewelry to her daughters, she said that she would like to see them wear it while she was still alive. When she gave pieces to her sons, on the other hand, she said that the pieces were for their children -- no mention of seeing their wives wearing any of it.

Throughout the years, my mother and her siblings have debated if her intention was to snub her daughters-in-law or to convey the message that these pieces were to stay in the family. They (and us, the grandchildren) have decided to be charitable and assume she just wanted to make sure the pieces stayed in the family. To that point, if a family member needed to sell one of these pieces, it was offered first to the family.

Now I am a mother of two sons, and a grandmother to several boys and girls. I own several of these pieces of jewelry, either through inheritance from my mother or through buying them from my cousins.

What is the most diplomatic way to give these to my daughters-in-law to enjoy in my lifetime and at the same time ensure they stay in the family? My sons are aware of the family tradition, but one of my DILs has made it clear she believes my grandmother's intention was to snub her daughters-in-law and that, once gifted to her, she will do with them as she pleases.

GENTLE READER: Interesting as the backstory is, your daughter-in-law has made your decision easy. You want the jewelry to stay in the family, but you cannot really enforce that once it leaves your possession.

So do not give any to the defiant daughter-in-law. If she objects, you can explain that it is important to you to honor your grandmother's desire that it remain in the family. You can think (but not say) that it might also honor your grandmother's desire to insult daughters-in-law.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A co-worker of mine is getting married. On one day, she is having a church wedding followed by cake. The next day, she is having a civil ceremony and big reception.

I am invited to the church wedding/cake. Most of my other co-workers are invited to both events. What is the protocol in regard to this invitation?

GENTLE READER: Guests politely answer the invitations they receive, either in the affirmative or the negative, as their schedules (and, sometimes, inclinations) permit.

This seems straightforward to Miss Manners, assuming that your question was not, rather, how to register your displeasure at having been excluded from cake on day two of the festivities. As she has no way to accomplish this within the dictates of good manners, she is pleased you did not ask.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A colleague and I had a good professional relationship for many years -- mostly because I let her feel like she was in charge. We also had occasional social contact, which I no longer wish to continue.

When I last ran into her, we chatted amiably. I felt awkward saying goodbye, as I felt there was an expectation of reuniting, and I didn't know how to politely reject the offer if it came up. Do you have a suggestion as to how to wish one well but not fall back into an unwanted social relationship?

GENTLE READER: There is a significant and growing subfield of etiquette that goes under the heading, "Do not go looking for trouble," and Miss Manners congratulates you that it includes your problem. There is no requirement that you extend an invitation, and therefore no reason to feel awkward. Try saying, "It was good to see you."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a new granddaughter. Everyone is thrilled. However, I found myself editing the birth announcement before forwarding it to my family and friends because it contained links to "contribute" to the baby's expenses.

I think solicitation of this sort is offensive in many ways, and I can't believe I missed sharing this value with my daughter. How and when is the best way to communicate this issue with her?

GENTLE READER: Well, definitely before she has another child. Miss Manners suggests that you tell her that such soliciting is unseemly, and point out that for the last announcement, you had to do some creative editing.

No doubt, your daughter will tell you how old-fashioned you are and that everyone is doing it this way now -- after she chastises you for preventing half the family from contributing.

It is then that you may suggest that you help her create and send announcements to at least your inner circle. Perhaps you cannot stop her from doing it the greedy way with her own friends, but you will have shown her the proper way to do it -- which is really all a mother can do, even when she does manage to get ahead of the situation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Would remarks such as "You look tired" or "Are you sleeping well?" be considered bad manners in a small family conversation of four individuals?

GENTLE READER: If the four individuals are mother, father and two teenage children, no. If the four individuals are mother, father, the adult son and his wife, perhaps.

But the question is unlikely to be welcome in any configuration, and "looking tired" tends to bring on a look of tired resignation. Miss Manners wonders why the conversation could not be postponed until only two individuals were present.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should we tip the painters who painted four rooms?

GENTLE READER: No. Pay them fairly for their services and thank them. Miss Manners assures you that its having been four rooms, rather than two or 20, will be reflected in the former requirement and possibly also the latter gesture.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)