DEAR MISS MANNERS: My older sister is a mean, opinionated, bossy person. To keep the peace, as children and into adulthood, I deflected or ignored her cruel actions or remarks.

The breaking point came when my 8-year-old daughter and I were invited by her and her husband to stay with them (as a rent-paying "guest") during my divorce. I was hoping that we could develop a loving family bond, and that it would be good for my daughter to have the support of family.

I was wrong. My sister and her husband looked for every opportunity to correct and lecture my daughter and myself. Towards the end of our stay, my daughter hid in our shared bedroom to avoid facing them.

I am mad at myself for being so naive and exposing my daughter to their cruelty during a time of hardship. Now, I limit my interaction with my sister and keep conversations superficial.

I know your advice is to not correct others' bad behavior. But I want to let her have it and tell her what a horrible person she has been to me, and to my daughter. She deserves it, as she is clueless. How can someone change their behavior if no one tells them it is wrong?

GENTLE READER: They cannot, but Miss Manners never banned correcting other people's behavior in all situations and all relationships. Parents correct children. Teachers correct students. Spouses and other intimates ... express their concerns -- at the right time and in a polite manner.

What she seeks to ban is self-appointed, and often uninformed, "manners police" causing a ruckus.

What, then, to say to your sister? You may take offense at specific infractions -- asking, for example, that your sister not take that tone with you (when she does). You may, privately, have a discussion about mutual respect. Or, if it has reached that point, you may break off relations.

At no point may you tell her that she is mean, opinionated and bossy, not only because it is rude (even if true), but because it will not persuade her to change her behavior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When writing to someone to inform them that a charitable donation has been made in their honor, is it proper to mention the amount of the donation? This is a contribution made by a family group to celebrate a retirement.

GENTLE READER: As she feels that donating in another person's name, worthy though the donation itself may be, is not a proper present, Miss Manners is reluctant to endorse it.

She does, however, appreciate good intentions, and she will therefore say that, contrary to all evidence, it is the thought -- not the amount -- that matters. In your letter, you may characterize your gift donation as "meaningful" or "greatly appreciated," but must resist calling it "generous" or "a sack of loot."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: About three years ago, I began a relationship with a man I am head-over-heels in love with, and we have been living together for two years.

Early in our relationship, my "best friend" (we have been like family for half of our lives) heard some gossip about my man, believed it totally for the truth, and completely changed her attitude toward him. She refused to tell me what was said about him or who said it, only that when the relationship failed, she would be there for me.

Shortly afterwards, I learned from someone else what was said and who said it: a well-known liar and gossip-monger who had taken tidbits of truth and added a great deal of untruth and speculation. I could not believe my friend would even listen to someone with such a reputation for deviousness, first of all, and secondly that she didn't have my back.

Needless to say, our friendship has become cold and distant. I have attempted to restore the friendship by extending invitations (which are not accepted) and engaging in positive, hopeful conversation about my life (which is shut down). We do talk occasionally, but it is now limited to polite conversation about family and work.

My boyfriend proposed a few months ago, and gave me a beautiful diamond that she has yet to acknowledge. Her only statement to me about my engagement was, "I just want you to be happy," which was cloaked in her typical voice of doom.

We are beginning to make plans for our wedding. Should I send her an invitation?

GENTLE READER: Because a wedding is a major life event, determinations about whom to invite should take a medium- to long-term view of each individual's status.

Siblings we squabbled with and hung up on last week are still invited. Siblings we broke ties with decades ago over their treatment of Father's third wife are likely not. Friends with whom we were, recently, on intimate terms are still considered to be so, even if we no longer see each other every week.

You, not Miss Manners, will have to determine whether the person in question is still a friend, or whether the air quotes indicate a permanent change of status.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a family member who is an attention hog. She somehow always steers the conversation to showcase how she is always the rightest and wisest in situations. Every one of her stories ends in how she was right, and everyone else "saw the light" after they listened to her.

Listening to these stories is draining and I don't want to be rude, but I can't avoid talking to her. Is there any way to stop this narcissistic point of view?

GENTLE READER: Don't listen. Or, more accurately, adopt a facial attitude that is sweet but distracted. You want to deprive your relation of the pleasure of being listened to -- without, and this is a point Miss Manners stresses -- putting yourself in a position to be accused of anything worse than being absent-minded.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of the worst technological "advances" has been the advent of text messaging. The expectation with this disease is that everyone is always poised to respond to any inane writing, and if they do not do so immediately, "something is wrong." People sit with their smartphones in the expectation that they will receive something and must respond.

There are very few situations that require instant responses, and most of those can be reconciled with a dialed call. The rest can be handled with an email -- or even a written letter (there's a concept!).

I am a dinosaur. I have a flip-phone that does not send texts (because I refuse to use that feature), but does receive alerts from our bank or police department. We have a landline with an answering machine attached, which does not accept texts.

We tell all our friends, family, neighbors and acquaintances that we do not text, and we do not answer the phone during meals. We do not consider this attitude rude, because we have set expectations. It's really a shame that "instant" communication has become an acceptable/required behavior because there is no real reason for it.

GENTLE READER: There is a phrase Miss Manners would like everyone to learn, in the hope that it would lessen the type of annoyance you express: "The best way to reach me is ..."

People who are welded to their phones may no longer use the telephone function. Many no longer use email. You won't use texting. And almost nobody except Miss Manners writes letters.

Is there any wonder that people seem to have problems communicating with one another? Although, considering the tone of current discourse, perhaps things would be worse if everyone could get through.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I often give rides to a friend (for medical care, etc.). She always rides in the front seat, as she gets motion sickness in the back, leaving me to ride in the back seat.

She monopolizes the conversation, talking endlessly about her personal life. My husband, who likes to drive, is somewhat hard of hearing (we are elderly) and cheerfully tunes her out most of the time.

I find myself bored and resentful of the time spent in the back seat alone. Any ideas about how to change either the situation or my reaction to it? We live in a rural area, so these rides generally are a couple of hours, round-trip.

GENTLE READER: Must you go on these trips?

Perhaps you are needed to share the driving or to help your friend at the destination. Then you may consider the back seat a separate social space, and read or play video games or otherwise amuse yourself while your husband is the oblivious recipient of that verbal barrage.

But if you needn't go, Miss Manners hopes you do not do so from a false sense of social obligation -- or, worse, the unpleasant idea that it would not be respectable for the two of them to make the trip alone. Your husband sounds very well protected.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)