DEAR MISS MANNERS: While dining, one's hands sometimes get sticky -- say, from a sandwich and fries.

At a restaurant, when finished, I will often pour a small amount of water from my glass into the other hand held above my plate, "wash" quickly, and dry with the napkin. This is met with audible objections from my adult children.

Is it so wrong? Do I instead have to head for the men's room?

GENTLE READER: You should head back in time because, alas, you were born too late. Much too late.

At medieval banquets, a ewer -- an impressive jug filled with rose water -- and basins for slop water would be taken around so that guests could deal with the sticky finger problem. (They may not have been eating fries, but they were not using forks, either.)

A descendant of that is the individual finger bowl, placed on a doily on the dessert plate with the expectation that the diner will know to move them both, as well as the dessert fork and spoon, to the side before being served dessert. (Miss Manners remembers a gentleman who failed to notice the doily, inadvertently eating it when a helping of chocolate mousse was plopped on top.)

But finger bowls are rarely used now, and then only at fancy dinners where they serve no real purpose, instead of at barbecues and lobster feasts, where they would.

Occasionally, a restaurant will offer a hot towel or, more likely, a packaged paper wipe. Failing that, Miss Manners asks you to retreat to a place designated for washing up. As your children have pointed out, the dinner table no longer is such a place.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I saw a T-shirt that I thought my daughter's boyfriend would like. He was sick with COVID for a short while, so I made it a "get well" gift and sent it to him, wrapped, via my daughter.

The next day, I heard her on speakerphone with him and asked her if he received it. She said, "Yes, and he liked it." He heard her and asked what she was talking about, and she told him I was asking about the T-shirt.

He said, "Oh. Yeah ... funny."

No actual response to me. When I mentioned it to my wife, she said, "So, basically you only give gifts in order to get a 'thanks'? Or to make people like you?"

Now I'm sort of miffed that he never really acknowledged the gift to me, and my wife thinks I have ulterior motives for gift-giving. I feel like I'm being gaslighted here.

GENTLE READER: Your wife is using an argument popular with teenagers who want to get out of writing letters of thanks. Miss Manners did not expect to hear it from an adult.

Generosity and gratitude are paired virtues. You give presents to please people, and you want to know that you have succeeded in doing so. It's called feedback.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If you're too fat to have a lap, where should you put your napkin while eating? I dislike laying it on my belly.

GENTLE READER: Please put it there anyway. Your dry cleaner will thank you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the context of a world filled with major problems, this one is quite minor, but the question has galled me for many years, and I would love some professional feedback.

I am a voracious reader, but for a long time now, and for various reasons, almost all my book "reading" is done by listening to audiobooks. Those quotation marks introduce my quandary: Do I use the words "read" or "listened to" when discussing books?

I might be recommending a book to a fellow reader -- "I just read the latest Nancy Drew mystery, and I think you'd love it" -- or adding the contents of a book to a discussion -- "According to a book I read, the aardvark prefers to consume daisies above all flowers." Or I might introduce someone to a book series as part of a friendly conversation: "I read the entire 'History of Flags' series, and it was stunning!"

In all of these scenarios, I didn't, in point of fact, "read" anything. The means of communication was auditory. But "I listened to a great book recently" or "I heard a new author I think you should check out" doesn't fall trippingly off the tongue. Is it misleading to state that I read something when that's not what actually happened?

GENTLE READER: Why not eliminate the verb entirely? "Wittgenstein's 'Tractatus-logico Philosophicus' is really quite a pleasure." Or "The canon of Proust is brilliant. I think you would love it."

Miss Manners assures you, however, that should there be further inquiry into the experience, there is no shame in admitting that it was auditory. Comparing and discussing audiobooks is no less interesting than doing so with bound editions -- especially since many of the latter are now read on devices of some sort, anyway.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have completed a kitchen remodel after my house flooded. I had to do this on a budget because my insurance only paid a small amount.

I think it turned out beautifully. However, whenever guests come over, they comment about the remodel and offer suggestions for things that they wish I had done differently. If it was just one person, I would let it go, but it's a continual problem, and it's always a different suggestion.

It's not like there's one huge eyesore they all point out; these are small things they mention, which are really matters of personal preference.

I believe these people are well-meaning, but after everything I've been through, I am just so glad to be done with my remodel and moving on. Please help me with an appropriate response.

GENTLE READER: "Oh! We never thought of a disco mirrored backsplash. But we were actually really pleased with how the remodel came out ..." -- with enough of a pause afterwards, Miss Manners suggests, that the implied "I am sorry to hear that you think otherwise" remains implied.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After two canceled wedding dates due to the pandemic, my partner and I decided we'd rather get on with it. My grandmother's dementia is only accelerating, and I wanted her to be fully present at my wedding.

My grandmother lives with my lovely aunt out of state. We traveled to their home -- safely keeping to ourselves by camping along the way -- and wed in their backyard. Close friends and family watched via webcam.

My aunt invited a few of her friends to the wedding without informing me. I was a little concerned about safety, but I was more grateful at the time just to be there, getting married. Also, she was the hostess and officiant, so I felt it would be rude to complain.

I did not know these fine folks, and one of them gave us a small, nice gift. After returning home, I asked my aunt for the gift-giver's address to send a thank-you, but she never gave it to me. It has been several months now.

I am bothered that I didn't properly show my appreciation for the gift, and I admit that I cannot recall the person's name any longer. My focus was mostly on my new spouse and stepchild that day, and not the people I had just met.

What is the etiquette when one receives a wedding gift from an unknown, uninvited guest? At this point, am I still obligated to pester my aunt for the giver's address?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but if you cannot help yourself, Miss Manners will permit you to say in the letter, "What a wonderful and unexpected surprise to have you at the wedding. Caitlin and I adore the wonderful cheese grater. I do wish that we had had more time at the wedding, but since you are one of Aunt Lacey's closest friends, I trust that we will see you at another family event soon." As the occasion is unlikely to be repeated, you need not chastise lovely Aunt Lacey for not properly introducing you to her unanticipated friends.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A young couple two houses away announced this summer that they're expecting twins. Although we're not overly friendly, I did purchase two baby blankets. When I saw the husband recently coming out of his garage, I gave him the gift bag with the blankets, saying it was just a little gift to welcome the new arrivals. He thanked me, and I went back into my house.

I've not heard a word since, nor received a thank-you note. It has me wondering if the husband went back into the garage and continued working on his project and forgot all about it.

I guess I'm wondering if, the next time I see the wife, I should casually mention it. Or should I just let it go?

GENTLE READER: Mention it: "Did Joshua ever get those blankets to you? I am afraid that I ambushed him by your garage the other day, but we do so want to commemorate the twins' birth."

Miss Manners feels certain that the next time you come to visit, your present will have been safely rescued from its hiding place underneath the car.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)