DEAR MISS MANNERS: I want to address the greeting of "Hi there/Hey there" that people often say to me.

I am not a location, and I truly prefer that people call me by my name, if they know it. If they don't, I'd prefer if they just said "Hi."

I have thought about telling them in a polite way what I prefer, but there is more to deal with in life than this particular pet peeve. Am I being too persnickety?

GENTLE READER: Yes. True, you are not a location, but Miss Manners is hesitant to point out that you are, in fact, there.

Logic is probably not the issue here. You are a "you," but you probably would not like "Hey, you" any better.

Miss Manners suspects that it is really the tone with which this is said, not the greeting itself, that is proving irksome. As you point out, there are far more egregious things you could be called, and this one is probably not worth the fight -- as it is likely that if they do not know your name, you will not be seeing them again. Or that they will learn it if you do.

If you want to have fun, however, to make your point, Miss Manners will allow a confused look and quick circle around yourself to see what is "there," followed by a temperate, "Oh, me? I wasn't sure to whom you were talking. If you say 'Mrs. Bertram,' I'll know you mean me."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have an open relationship with another couple. When we are out in public together as a foursome, we sit with each other's spouses.

While I am fine with light touches in public, my husband and the other wife go overboard and make out like teenagers. This is tacky, in my opinion, and quite embarrassing to the other husband and me. We have both expressed this to them, but they continue.

My husband said that someone once told them they were "a beautiful couple." Although we are consensually open, is this behavior tacky? My husband is 65 and she is 51.

GENTLE READER: It seems to Miss Manners that in order for this to work, it requires rules and restrictions. Yes, the very things that you went into this arrangement hoping to avoid.

But if it is causing more pain than enjoyment for half of you -- to say nothing of onlookers, to whom it is absolutely tacky -- then the four of you must sit down and establish parameters for what is socially acceptable outside of closed doors. Presumably you have already figured out how to successfully manage what's behind them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My name is unique, but not particularly hard to pronounce once you hear it. I try to be sure that people are pronouncing it correctly.

But someone I know very well still mispronounces it. The time to correct them has long passed, but I would like for them to know how to say it right. How can I bring this up without embarrassing them -- or me?

GENTLE READER: Meet someone new in front of your friend.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in a wheelchair, so I must use the accessible restroom when out in public. On at least four occasions, I have waited a long time for the only stall I can use, while an able-bodied person (obvious when they exit) has been in the stall on their cellphone.

The worst was at the airport, where there were about 20 stalls -- all empty except the one I needed -- and an employee was in there. One can see through the crack that someone is in there on their phone.

Is it OK to speak up and ask them to move to another stall?

GENTLE READER: And thereby admit that you're peeking at them through the crack?

Miss Manners has the utmost sympathy for this predicament and agrees that able-bodied people using your only accessible bathroom as office space is terrible. However, given the choice between which practice is more impolite -- theirs or being spied on in the bathroom -- she is afraid that you still would lose.

Nevertheless, if you said in a loud voice to no one in particular, "Oh, no, you go ahead; I am waiting for the accessible stall," Miss Manners would back you up.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am asking you to weigh in on a spousal disagreement. One of us believes that when dining at a restaurant, the courteous diner stacks used dishes, utensils and glassware at the end of the table to assist the server. The other believes that the dishes should remain where they are, that the server should be the one to gather them and that piling them up is not appropriate.

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners concedes that putting soiled napkins and used utensils on the plate will save servers from having to touch them, full-on stacking starts to look unseemly -- and, regardless of the diners' good intentions, chipped dishes and cups may be the result.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have been married for 19 years. We both had grown (or nearly grown) children upon entering this marriage, but we did not raise any of these children together. He also had two young grandchildren when we married, and two more have been born since then.

Sadly, he is suffering from a very rare and aggressive form of cancer. We are preparing for the worst and spending as much time with family as we can.

Upon his death, what happens to our family dynamics? Will I continue to be a stepmother and grandmother? I love his daughter and grandchildren as if they were my own. We had some rocky patches, but are doing very well now.

GENTLE READER: You may certainly retain the relationships and even their titles, as long as all are amenable. Not mentioning the rocky patches, Miss Manners helpfully warns, will also do wonders for preserving that familial affection.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a director in a major company, and I have 25 people reporting to me. One of my employees was out of line and lost their temper.

This incident occurred with an individual from another department. The manager of that department went directly to my boss to report the incident. I only heard about it a week later, when my employee brought the incident to my attention.

My boss never contacted me. I am very disappointed that the manager from the other department did not come to me to report the incident. How should I have handled this situation?

GENTLE READER: If you are thinking that the manager from the other department embarrassed you in front of your boss, you are right. It is no use complaining to Miss Manners that this is unfair, unless you are also in the habit of disclaiming any credit for your employees' successes.

If you are, instead, mortified by the incident, wishing that the manager had come to you so that you could have corrected the behavior, you are on track to a solution. Two solutions, actually, since you have two problems: your employee's behavior and the manager's assumption that he or she needed to go over your head to solve the first problem.

Approach the other manager contritely, apologize for your employee's behavior, ask about the incident and make assurances that you take it seriously and are taking steps to prevent any repetition.

If you find this approach distasteful -- or are inclined to argue that the incident itself was unimportant -- you may have discovered why the manager went to your boss instead of you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there proper procedure for an heirloom engagement ring that's left to a young lady?

I have my late grandmother's ring, which I really love, but I feel funny wearing it because I'm not engaged. If I decide to get engaged and married in the future, would I give my beau the ring to then give to me? If a gentleman is moved to give me a ring, I don't want to argue with that, but I already have this ring that could do the job perfectly and would have even more sentimental charm.

It all seems a bit awkward, like telling someone exactly what to give me as a present before the thought even occurred to them. Should I just keep it to myself?

GENTLE READER: Your problem is one of timing. Few gentlemen, in Miss Manner's experience, can resist the charm of a doting fiancee who makes them the beneficent hero of the story for his superior tact and understanding -- while simultaneously saving him substantial expense.

The problem is how to accomplish this without the less-charming necessity of telling him it is past time to propose. Ideally, he will be moved to initiate a pre-proposal -- and pre-ring-purchase -- discussion of his hopes for the future. But whoever begins that conversation, what you wish to convey is that, when you do get married, all you want is a simple band, because you already have a family ring.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)