DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please help me form a polite response to people on the street who feel they must tell me to put on a mask. I, like many others, suffer from medical issues that make it very difficult to tolerate a face mask for more than a few moments. Ironically, these same medical issues cause me to be at a higher risk for infection and serious consequences from COVID-19.

I self-isolate as much as possible. I sincerely appreciate others wearing their masks, as this helps to protect me and people with similar issues. I want those who are expressing concern about my going without a mask to know I'm not being a jerk; I'm just doing the best I can.

GENTLE READER: One could say that this is the unfortunate, but predictable, result of mixing politics with public health.

But it is actually the result of an older, equally pernicious trend: telling other people what to do, and feeling justified because the ends (in this case, containing a virulent disease) are laudable.

Miss Manners would prefer to believe that the speaker is trying to be helpful -- citing a rule of which you might not be aware -- rather than rude. As such, she recommends a legalistic-sounding response, namely: "Thank you, I'm aware. I am actually in one of the medically exempt categories."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My community, like many others, encourages recycling, and each household is allotted two open bins for a weekly pickup. Because I live alone, I have extra space left over in my bins, so I allow my neighbor, who has a family of five, to place her overflow into mine.

Ordinarily this would be fine, except that it has led to a regular assortment of her family's wine bottles being placed on the top of each of my bins, on full display for the neighborhood.

This wouldn't bother me, except that I am a recovering alcoholic -- a fact that many on the street are aware of. This new barrage of liquor-related refuse has led some neighbors to speculate that I've relapsed, as I've done in the past. I've fended off several veiled inquiries probing the possibility of my needing help again, as my denial is never fully believed.

I don't mind helping my neighbor, but how do I politely ask her to exclude the wine bottles from my bins? It sounds funny to say that I worry about the neighbors examining my recyclables and drawing incorrect conclusions, but in reality, that's exactly what's happening.

GENTLE READER: Your object, when you explain the problem to your neighbor, should be to embarrass her enough to keep the bottles in her own bin. The way to do this is to appear to be embarrassed yourself.

Miss Manners warns you to be both definite and vague: definite that your concern is not theoretical -- a number of neighbors have actually approached you, so she cannot dismiss your concern -- but vague about who those other neighbors are. That way, she cannot embarrass you even more by offering to assure them of your continued sobriety.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Whenever my husband and I go out to dinner, whether it's just us or with friends, he will find a woman and stare. Literally every couple of minutes, he will look over and stare until he gets her attention, and then they both stare at each other.

I'm a pretty lady (so I've been told), and have a fun personality. When I ask him what he's looking at, which I already know, he turns to me and says, "What's your problem? I'm not looking at anything."

Our friends act like they don't really care. This makes me feel like I'm nothing, and it's just simply embarrassing.

If I bring up the subject later, like when we're driving home, he thinks I'm being jealous and ridiculous. Then he'll tell me we've been married for X number of years (it's now going on 37) and I need to stop.

Years ago, a guy got in his face and told him to quit staring at his girlfriend. That only happened once. Secretly, I was hoping the guy would punch him.

But he still won't stop staring. It drives me crazy. I try to ignore it, but it eats at me. Please, Miss Manners, am I wrong and should I let him stare?

GENTLE READER: That would not be Miss Manners' choice. Although she is not an opponent of restraint, registering your complaint later -- and, perhaps, in a less than forceful way -- is not restraint. It is standing in the middle of the road, a place known to be frequented by oncoming traffic.

If, upon reflection, the behavior is not as aggressive as you describe it, you are free to overlook it. But as you object, then let us be decisive in describing the problem to him and to yourself:

It is not that you are afraid he is looking at someone prettier; it is that he is embarrassing himself by harassing some other woman. If it is not going to stop, then either he or you will not be in attendance at the next dinner.

To show that this is not about you, add that your concern is whether the next boyfriend may do more than just yell.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I worked for a family-owned company for several years, and managed the company for a few additional years. When I left, the owner offered to pay my salary and insurance for a year. When that year comes to an end, is it appropriate to send a thank-you card or letter?

GENTLE READER: Business etiquette does not require employees to thank employers for their compensation, even if it was generous and even if it was after separation.

Miss Manners hastens to add that doing more than merely meeting the minimum requirement is likely why this company so valued your service, and that a handwritten letter will be greatly appreciated.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are there any special rules that apply to old boyfriends who are friends with a married lady? Should we be held to a higher standard than other opposite-gender friends when one of us is married and the other is not, because we once had a romantic relationship?

I've started corresponding with my college girlfriend after many years. She is happily married to a fine gentleman I hope to meet after the pandemic, and I am very happy for her. Though I haven't seen her in years, I would like to do so again. For any future invitations, should I invite her husband along on every occasion?

Am I limited in complimenting her and expressing any feelings for her? I wish to behave as innocently as my feelings are. I certainly do not want to offend anyone or cause any misunderstandings.

GENTLE READER: Time was, it was generally believed that any male and any female, if left together, would get right down to doing one thing. Thus there were chaperones, parietal rules and other awkward devices for denying them the privacy to do it. If a married person was involved, it would be cause for divorce on the grounds of adultery.

Miss Manners is surprised to see this exciting, but unlikely, assumption surfacing in modern times. There is even a new term besmirching warm, opposite-gender friendships: "emotional affairs."

But there are many different types of emotion. And friendship -- even deep friendship, which can be felt for more than one person -- is not the same as romantic passion, which, in theory at least, should be limited to one at a time. Many friendships make for a rich life; many romances make trouble.

Yet we throw boys and girls together in educational, social and work situations, only to condemn them if they maintain any opposite-gender friendships -- or, indeed, form new ones -- after marriage. Miss Manners considers it a poor commentary on marriage if the partners cannot be trusted to form lesser bonds without breaking faith. Such marriages undoubtedly exist, but their problems have deeper roots.

Now we come to the extra element when, as in your case, there was romance in the past. Generally, we consider it civilized for exes to turn into friends.

But the key question in an individual case such as yours is how the lady and her husband think about this. Some husbands are amused at former boyfriends resurfacing, giving them endless material with which to tease their wives. Others fear that the old flame will reignite.

By all means, start by seeing the two of them. After that, you can ask her if he would feel left out if you and she had an occasional lunch. But you might find that you want to be friends with him, as well. Or instead.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When your child gets a divorce, when should you put the wedding pictures and other family photos away?

GENTLE READER: When your child gets a divorce.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)