DEAR MISS MANNERS: Whenever my husband and I go out to dinner, whether it's just us or with friends, he will find a woman and stare. Literally every couple of minutes, he will look over and stare until he gets her attention, and then they both stare at each other.

I'm a pretty lady (so I've been told), and have a fun personality. When I ask him what he's looking at, which I already know, he turns to me and says, "What's your problem? I'm not looking at anything."

Our friends act like they don't really care. This makes me feel like I'm nothing, and it's just simply embarrassing.

If I bring up the subject later, like when we're driving home, he thinks I'm being jealous and ridiculous. Then he'll tell me we've been married for X number of years (it's now going on 37) and I need to stop.

Years ago, a guy got in his face and told him to quit staring at his girlfriend. That only happened once. Secretly, I was hoping the guy would punch him.

But he still won't stop staring. It drives me crazy. I try to ignore it, but it eats at me. Please, Miss Manners, am I wrong and should I let him stare?

GENTLE READER: That would not be Miss Manners' choice. Although she is not an opponent of restraint, registering your complaint later -- and, perhaps, in a less than forceful way -- is not restraint. It is standing in the middle of the road, a place known to be frequented by oncoming traffic.

If, upon reflection, the behavior is not as aggressive as you describe it, you are free to overlook it. But as you object, then let us be decisive in describing the problem to him and to yourself:

It is not that you are afraid he is looking at someone prettier; it is that he is embarrassing himself by harassing some other woman. If it is not going to stop, then either he or you will not be in attendance at the next dinner.

To show that this is not about you, add that your concern is whether the next boyfriend may do more than just yell.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I worked for a family-owned company for several years, and managed the company for a few additional years. When I left, the owner offered to pay my salary and insurance for a year. When that year comes to an end, is it appropriate to send a thank-you card or letter?

GENTLE READER: Business etiquette does not require employees to thank employers for their compensation, even if it was generous and even if it was after separation.

Miss Manners hastens to add that doing more than merely meeting the minimum requirement is likely why this company so valued your service, and that a handwritten letter will be greatly appreciated.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are there any special rules that apply to old boyfriends who are friends with a married lady? Should we be held to a higher standard than other opposite-gender friends when one of us is married and the other is not, because we once had a romantic relationship?

I've started corresponding with my college girlfriend after many years. She is happily married to a fine gentleman I hope to meet after the pandemic, and I am very happy for her. Though I haven't seen her in years, I would like to do so again. For any future invitations, should I invite her husband along on every occasion?

Am I limited in complimenting her and expressing any feelings for her? I wish to behave as innocently as my feelings are. I certainly do not want to offend anyone or cause any misunderstandings.

GENTLE READER: Time was, it was generally believed that any male and any female, if left together, would get right down to doing one thing. Thus there were chaperones, parietal rules and other awkward devices for denying them the privacy to do it. If a married person was involved, it would be cause for divorce on the grounds of adultery.

Miss Manners is surprised to see this exciting, but unlikely, assumption surfacing in modern times. There is even a new term besmirching warm, opposite-gender friendships: "emotional affairs."

But there are many different types of emotion. And friendship -- even deep friendship, which can be felt for more than one person -- is not the same as romantic passion, which, in theory at least, should be limited to one at a time. Many friendships make for a rich life; many romances make trouble.

Yet we throw boys and girls together in educational, social and work situations, only to condemn them if they maintain any opposite-gender friendships -- or, indeed, form new ones -- after marriage. Miss Manners considers it a poor commentary on marriage if the partners cannot be trusted to form lesser bonds without breaking faith. Such marriages undoubtedly exist, but their problems have deeper roots.

Now we come to the extra element when, as in your case, there was romance in the past. Generally, we consider it civilized for exes to turn into friends.

But the key question in an individual case such as yours is how the lady and her husband think about this. Some husbands are amused at former boyfriends resurfacing, giving them endless material with which to tease their wives. Others fear that the old flame will reignite.

By all means, start by seeing the two of them. After that, you can ask her if he would feel left out if you and she had an occasional lunch. But you might find that you want to be friends with him, as well. Or instead.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When your child gets a divorce, when should you put the wedding pictures and other family photos away?

GENTLE READER: When your child gets a divorce.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our vice president is being addressed as "Madam Vice President." I realize she is the first female vice president in the United States and so this usage is precedent-setting. However, to my ear, this usage doesn't seem to be the female equivalent of the way American presidents are addressed ("Mr. President").

Wouldn't true equivalency be "Ms. Vice President"? In the Francophone diplomatic world, "madam" is used for both female ambassadors and wives of ambassadors, which further muddies the water.

GENTLE READER: There is another muddle in that water: You are confusing "madam" with the French honorific "madame."

"Madam" is a perfectly good English word -- the equivalent of "mister," with a dash more respect added. Thus it is the correct way to address someone of high rank, married or not (as it is used for female royalty in England). In direct address, it is abbreviated as "ma’am," equivalent to "sir" for males.

As Miss Manners recalls, the precedent was set by the previous highest-ranking female in U.S. government. When Madeleine Albright became secretary of state, she became "Madam Secretary," as she entitled her memoir.

You need not feel bad about your mistake; the entire last all-male United States Supreme Court was unable to figure out (and failed to research) the equivalent for "Mr. Justice" for their first female peer. So, like many people who are bewildered by the emotional controversy about titles, they dropped the courtesy entirely, becoming simply "Justice."

It saddens Miss Manners when those little touches of respect disappear.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an openly lesbian female, though I have only had a couple of brief relationships. I'm not butch, but I do have a masculine side to me. I don't wear makeup or dress "girly" -- always jeans and a T-shirt.

My daughter is getting married next year, and she wants me, as the mother of the bride, to wear a dress. I feel that I don't look good at all in dresses, and also, I have a lot of tattoos that were done at home and are really bad.

I asked her if I could wear a suit, but she doesn't really want me to. I have a year to figure this out. Should I wear a dress that she thinks I look good in? Or should I wear a suit and be comfortable?

GENTLE READER: Your daughter will be able to amass huge support from countless sources that will declare that it is "the bride’s day" and she gets to have she wants.

They are all wrong: They all encourage a bride to be selfish at the expense of others. And Miss Manners fails to understand why your daughter would want you to feel uncomfortable during her wedding.

She can ask you to dress up for the occasion, but that does not mean it has to be a dress. She can make suggestions. She can offer to go shopping with you. But you are an adult, and the final decision is yours.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)