DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am thankful for this past year’s reprieve from family travel expectations. As an introvert, I dread those expectations coming back -- especially when my husband’s mother is such a force of nature.

How is one to deal with a host who rushes her visitors from place to place, exhausting them? I wish for home immediately!

I feel like the opportunity to visit is ruined by her artificial and manic itinerary-keeping. It physically damages my body, and also prevents my husband and me from having sensitive discussions with his siblings. MIL is always in the room, supervising every interaction.

I have heard of one couple using the “busy busy itinerary technique” to wear down critical in-laws, but why do this to younger in-laws, who have not criticized their host?

It says to me, “Let’s get this OVER WITH,” and that my host doesn’t want to be with me or spend time together. The visits are definitely not geared toward my husband’s interests or energy level, nor to mine. I took my cane everywhere on our last visit, and she was horrified for a moment, then completely forgot about it until I needed to sit down. She then scowled the entire six minutes I was seated.

MIL treats us like hostages the minute we arrive at her home. She doesn’t notice or seem to care that we aren’t having a good time with her running around and setting tasks to keep us busy and worn out. MIL is hiding something -- at best, it looks like alcoholism.

It is too unpleasant to return to the old routine of traveling a whole day just to see her act like a toddler kept up too late, and it can’t be pleasant for her, either. If she is hosting out of obligation, it would be nice to get rid of that.

I’m getting a lot of messages from MIL’s manic behavior and drinking that she might not want us to visit -- or that the real people she invited are perhaps different from her imagined son and daughter-in-law. I suspect greatly that she has been inviting us out of habit rather than actively choosing to spend time together.

Do I need to let MIL know in writing that I’m not returning once the pandemic is over? Or is it better to let her forget, as she will, in her busy world? I don’t feel the need to explain.

GENTLE READER: There is no need to explain. And the excuse that one is eschewing social life in favor of safety will fortunately, or unfortunately, be valid for a long time to come.

But as a general rule, Miss Manners assures you that family and overnight guests do have some autonomy when it comes to taxing itineraries and unwanted late-night drinking. “I am afraid that we are not up for a big sightseeing trip today” or “I wish that I had your stamina, but it is time for me to retire” are perfectly acceptable reasons not to be dragged through the mud. Both literally and figuratively.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a slightly built young woman, and I often become terrified when confronted by (what appear to me to be) aggressive and rude older men.

Such men have confronted me twice about supposed infractions like jumping a line, which I’ve never done. In the first instance, the man’s daughter jumped to my defense. However, in the second instance, I felt quite afraid and alone, and was unsure how to deal with an aggressive man yelling at me.

Can you please advise me as to how to respond in a way that is mannerly as well as assertive? I am from a culture where women are treated with kid gloves and not usually yelled at by strange men. Both these incidents have occurred while I was traveling alone, away from home. I am at a loss as to how to respond.

GENTLE READER: As a slightly built young woman, wondering whether the rude older man in your face is truly aggressive, or only appears so to you, should not be your first priority. Assume that the behavior could escalate.

The question is how to handle it without becoming either rude or a victim. If a small female sales attendant were rude to you, you would not yell at her; you would find a supervisor to intercede on your behalf. The same principle -- getting help -- will work here. Whether that is the man’s daughter, a store employee or a larger person in line next to you, politely ask for assistance in resolving the problem.

Miss Manners assures you that you will win over the entire room, not only the person being asked to help -- and you will make the man look like the bully that he is.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I joined a church when we moved to town a couple of years ago. We chose it partly because it believed in forging connections between its members. Now, all of our church services and events take place online.

There are several affinity groups within the organization, and we were invited to join one that has members of our general age and location. We went to our first meeting as new members, not really knowing anyone, and nobody thought to introduce us or ask us to introduce ourselves. There were only six couples in this group!

We couldn’t figure out what to do, so we just sat there and watched the five other couples having a conversation on our screens.

I know our social skills have all gotten a little rusty lately, but we were really taken aback. I couldn’t think of what to say that wouldn’t have sounded like a reprimand. What would Miss Manners have done?

GENTLE READER: Waited for an opportune moment and introduced herself.

Miss Manners recognizes that this takes gumption, and that is the reason that hosts are expected to save their guests that anxiety by making introductions. You could also call one of the couples afterwards and ask them to make introductions at the next meeting. It is more productive to solve the problem, which may well have been inadvertent, than to worry about the omission.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was in line at the post office, a woman stood directly behind me instead of on the plainly marked circle 6 feet away. I asked her politely to move back to the marker -- not once, but twice.

I was furious when she did not move back. She was less than 12 inches away from me. What else could I have done without causing a scene?

GENTLE READER: Suggest she go first, and then move to a position 6 feet behind her.

Miss Manners realizes that this may sound like rewarding bad behavior, but she assures you that all but the most hardened offenders will find this mortifying. And because you were polite, it will be difficult for the woman to retaliate.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Through an intense elimination diet and intermittent fasting, my aunt has finally achieved a healthy weight after many years of unsuccessful dieting. We are all happy for her, but her fraught relationship with food is ruining the holidays and birthdays my family and I spend with her.

When she hosts and cooks for us, she serves desserts in big portions. When I cook for her, I also serve dessert, while trying to accommodate her dietary restrictions and the expectations of my family. In both cases, at dessert time, she almost always talks about how she never eats sugar anymore, how she does not intend to eat any now, and then finally how she cannot help herself from eating some.

Afterward, she continually talks about how badly the sugar has affected her and how much weight she gained from it.

When she hosts, she sends us home with all the leftover dessert, and I feel obliged to take it even though it is often more than even my big family can eat. And when I host, I feel like I am forcing her to eat something she thinks is bad for her, despite my best efforts to convey politely that no one will be offended if she passes on the birthday cake.

I love her and want her to share in these celebrations with my family but, having a little postpartum weight to lose myself, I do not appreciate being reminded of calories right before enjoying some celebratory indulgence.

Is there any way to shield myself and my family from her weird food anxieties? A big part of her identity is having the “correct” views on food and wellness, so I fear anything I say to her about this will be taken poorly.

GENTLE READER: What would you say to her? That her food anxiety is communicable, a bore, or both? Miss Manners agrees that, even if this were not rude, it would not work. Better to change the subject -- as often as necessary.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am having a birthday party, and my sister-in-law wants to bring her friend whose birthday is the same night as mine. Is it rude of me to say no?

GENTLE READER: No, but Miss Manners recommends doing so on the basis of acquaintance (specifically, lack thereof) rather than competition. And once you explain that you are inviting only your friends, you had better do so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)