DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can you share with us the origins of the guidance never to discuss religion and politics at social gatherings? Or the numerous variations of that rule? I’m a wonderful internet sleuth, but this one eludes me.

And what is your guidance on the topic, especially given the precarious state of our democracy and the rampant spread of mis- and disinformation?

GENTLE READER: Have you tried, lately, talking with someone with whom you disagree?

Had this not been an old rule, designed to free social life from cantankerous strife, Miss Manners would have had to invent it.

Mind you, she would happily abandon the rule if she could hope to welcome an exchange of ideas. That would be a boon to democracy, as well as a much-needed stimulus to good conversation.

But people no longer exchange ideas; they exchange insults. This is not new, just particularly bad right now. The rule surely dates to the first time someone countered a statement with, “Then you must be an idiot” instead of, “Why do you think that?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Eating with one’s hands is not bad manners in many cultures. As a matter of fact, there is an elaborate code of manners on how to eat with one’s hands: How much of the fingers can be dipped into the rice or curry? Can the fingers be licked or not? What is the best way to get delicious bites out of the intricate crevices of the lamb shoulder bones without looking like a slob?

If good manners forbid eating with one’s hands, how, pray, do we use the phrase “finger-licking good”?

GENTLE READER: Some of us do not.

But you are mistaken in believing that etiquette forbids eating with the hands. There are circumstances in which this is permitted: Fried chicken may be correctly eaten from the hands at picnics, but not at the formal dinner table.

But there are plenty of foods that can be correctly eaten with the hands under any circumstances, including whole artichokes, bread, grapes, sandwiches, nuts, corn on the cob, olives, pickles, celery, anything on crackers, and (really) asparagus. Oh, yes, and frogs’ legs -- although you may attack them with a knife and fork if you like.

As for the propriety of licking one’s fingers, Miss Manners can only pity you if you believe that advertisements are a model of decent behavior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At some point in my life, I came under the impression that asking questions of idle curiosity outside of a “getting to know you” setting is rude.

So when my next-door neighbor is in his yard and I’m getting in my car, and he asks me where I’m off to, is he being nosy? Or am I being overly critical (in my mind only, of course, because I will always politely answer)? Is idle curiosity rude, or only in certain contexts or with certain queries?

GENTLE READER: Yes, it is rude -- but, as you recognize, it is not worth antagonizing a neighbor. And it is unnecessary, as there is no need to answer such questions. You could have said, “Oh, I’ll be back in an hour or so,” and driven away.

But Miss Manners asks you to consider the possibility that the gentleman had no real interest in whether you were going to the grocery store or the dentist, but only wanted to call out something to be friendly, and only the obvious came to mind.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of my friends is the only person I know who is computer literate, but refuses to own any means of electronic communication. She owned a computer several decades ago, but once they stopped servicing the operating system, she got rid of it.

She won’t buy a tablet or smartphone (she says she can’t afford it, although before the pandemic, she was going to the theater once a week). And she won’t even carry a flip phone so she could text (which she claims she doesn’t know how to do) or at least be available via phone when she’s out -- e.g., if she’s coming to see me or we’re meeting somewhere. Before the pandemic, she used the computers in the library to check and send email every few days, but of course, that is not possible now.

Since she knows how to use a computer, is intelligent and has no visual or manual impairments, I consider her behavior selfish.

This really hit home when my partner died last year and I realized that Luddite Friend was the only person out of over 100 whom I could not notify, either by group email or social media. (I realize you may think those methods are tacky, but I found it a stress-reliever that I did not have to tell the same story over and over.)

I intensely dislike out-of-the-blue social phone calls, especially during an emotionally difficult time, so I conveyed the news of my partner’s death to this woman in a letter and sent it by snail mail.

I am at the point where I have pretty much stopped interacting with Luddite, because it annoys me that she has turned herself into such a high-maintenance project. She has no impairments, and she isn’t even doing this out of principle -- just out of laziness, selfishness or fear. I’m not sure which.

Is she being selfish, or am I being unreasonable? I suppose, to be honest, I should add that she is not someone I would have chosen as a friend; my communications with her are basically out of duty because she was my partner’s friend.

As a demographic footnote, she is in her mid-70s, but so are many of my other friends, all of whom have somehow managed to join the digital age in one form or another.

GENTLE READER: How dare this person, whom you do not even consider much of a friend, not be available to you whenever you choose to summon her?

And she made you write a letter! And she spends her money on the theater!

Over the years, as technology has developed, Miss Manners has been subjected to outbursts such as yours every step of the way. People were angry at those who used answering machines, saying they were rude not to pick up immediately. Soon after, they were angry at those who didn’t have answering machines, because they couldn’t leave a message.

Along came email, and people were angry at those who did not have it. Then they were angry at those who kept emailing instead of texting. And when everyone had a telephone, people like you were angry at those who telephoned them.

However, having informed your partner’s friend of the death, you have no further obligation to be in touch.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We mailed a birthday gift to our granddaughter, and our daughter arranged a video call to let us see her open the present.

To our surprise, our daughter admonished us for not sending a gift to our grandson so he would not feel left out. She stated it was proper gift-giving etiquette to send a gift to our grandson, even though his birthday is in June.

She said this to us in front of her husband and our granddaughter. This was embarrassing to my wife and myself.

We have never heard of this etiquette rule. Was our daughter correct? We love our grandchildren very much, and it was our belief that we did the right thing.

GENTLE READER: Your grandson will be sorely disappointed when his sister receives an Olympic gold medal one day and he is not automatically issued the silver.

Your daughter is subscribing to the idea that no child should be trusted to tolerate another’s milestones, success or good fortune without receiving similar compensation. But how else will they be taught the valuable life skill of knowing that everything is not about them?

Miss Manners assures you that you did the right thing. You may tell your daughter that your grandson’s present is certainly forthcoming -- in June, when it is his birthday, and not his sister’s.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would appreciate your advice in navigating a difficult situation. My husband’s niece, Anna, and her fiance, Greg, were planning to marry this year, but the pandemic prompted them to wait. About two months ago, Greg was diagnosed with terminal cancer and they began planning a more immediate wedding.

Then Greg took a turn for the worse, and hospice care was arranged in their home. They moved the wedding up to Friday, and they were married. Sadly, Greg died a few hours later.

Should we give Anna a gift of some sort in honor of her marriage? A wedding gift seems bizarre under the circumstances. My idea is to get her a beautiful picture frame, possibly sterling silver, and include a handwritten letter on my good stationery.

Perhaps you have a better idea. Please steer me in the right direction regarding a gift, how it should be wrapped, when it should be delivered, what phrasing I should use in my letter, etc.

GENTLE READER: A silver picture frame, wrapped in subdued colors, accompanying your condolence letter sounds lovely. You can reference the wedding only to say that it was beautiful -- or that you heard it was, if you were not in attendance -- and how sorry you are not to have gotten to know Greg better as a family member.

Miss Manners agrees with your impulse to downplay the wedding part, but your niece clearly meant to forever link the two events. You would do well to similarly, if delicately, acknowledge their bittersweet bond.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)