DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband has retired, but I continue to work remotely during the pandemic. I spend at least half of my workday in video meetings. Over the past few months, my colleagues and I have reached some agreement on how to use video tools productively: Assign a facilitator, have a clearly defined agenda and keep meetings as short as possible.

Over the holidays, my husband’s family embraced virtual reunion-style “parties.” I’ve sat through two, both miserable affairs. Now these family members are eagerly planning the next set of parties, and even talking about making them frequent events after the pandemic is over.

Save me!

I have many complaints, not the least of which is that most of these people are strangers to me, and nearly so to my husband. Family parties weren’t a feature of our pre-pandemic life, and these family members rarely, if ever, saw each other in the real world, except at weddings and funerals.

Furthermore, there are too many people involved for an online conversation. The screen is cluttered with tiny boxes, some with as many as three or four people stuffed on a sofa in front of their computer. Unlike a real-life party, where people can slip into side conversations, attendees are forced to listen to the most dominant voices. Those who married into the family are generally sidelined.

Meanwhile, at least one participant struggles with technical challenges. Many minutes are spent explaining to dear Aunt Helen how to unmute, telling Uncle Bob that we can’t see his head, or asking a cousin to move the yapping puppy farther from the microphone.

Although scheduled for an hour, each party ran on for two hours. Given the difference in time zones, some participants were eating meals on screen, while others were sipping cocktails and some simply sat without refreshments. The “host” at each party insisted that their role was simply to set up the video meetings and let us make our own fun.

It was not fun.

My husband agrees that these events are long, tedious and poorly organized, but claims that it would be rude to decline: We have no viable excuse, especially with online scheduling tools that allow the person setting up the call to check availability in advance. I disagree, saying we can decline in a way of which even Miss Manners would approve.

Is it possible to decline these invitations? And how would you advise those who host these events to make them at least bearable, if not actually fun?

GENTLE READER: Oh, dear. Miss Manners has been complaining that modern socializing is all about honoring oneself and getting presents, rather than just getting together for the fun of it. And here is a new form designed for pure fellowship, and yet, as you report, it is not fun.

But she has always firmly maintained that excuses are not necessary when declining invitations -- indeed, they often lead to unpleasant entanglements -- only expressions of regret. This is still true during the pandemic. Many have more complicated lives now.

But as these are relatives, you might want to make an occasional brief appearance to say hello. It would also be a chance to inquire who in the family understands how to do break-out rooms, so that people who have rarely met can get to know others through personal conversation.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My new upstairs neighbors do not seem to understand that this is an old building with paper-thin walls. On occasion, when they are feeling amorous, it gets quite loud.

The first time it happened, I mentioned, right after they, um, finished and then went outside, that the walls are paper-thin and neighbors can hear quite a bit. I didn’t reference exactly what their activities were -- I didn’t want to embarrass either them or myself.

Last night, same thing. So I sent the boy an email and asked if he couldn’t perhaps keep the noise of his “activities” down, and I copied his landlady. (Our bylaws state that tenants are the responsibility of the landlords, but also, she told us BEFORE he moved in that she wanted to be apprised of any issues.) Problem: His landlady is also his mother.

Anyway, he responded with a Bible verse from Matthew to the effect of “judge not lest ye be judged” (which was weird as I don’t receive visitors here), and the landlady/mom responded with an offer for his -- the tenant’s -- cell number so we can discuss this on the phone.

I’m not sure that it merits discussion. It was uncomfortable and awkward for me to bring it up. It seems to me that sex is something between two consenting adults, not two consenting adults and their non-consenting neighbor. For now, I’m resigned to noise-canceling earphones, but do you possibly have any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: Appeal to his mother -- rather than to his landlady. Both of them seem to be in denial about the nature of the noises -- but it is likely the mother who is truly avoiding the discussion.

Miss Manners suggests that without going into detail, you thank the landlady/mom for the cellphone number, but politely indicate to her that this is a delicate and personal situation that needs a mother’s input. And then thank the young man for his Bible verse by quoting back those bylaws.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My dear husband of 30 years goes to early morning workouts or jogs. Upon his return, he must “cool down,” and appears completely naked in the kitchen for at least an hour. He drinks tea, prepares eggs, reads the paper, etc.

I’m not put off by his body (albeit sweaty, smelly, unpleasant). I’m concerned in regard to hygiene about the kitchen. I find it appalling that while we are starting our morning, body hair and such may be polluting a sanitary area we prepare food and eat in.

I’ve requested that he cool down quickly and then put on some loose-fitting clothes or a robe, but he is oblivious. I’ve researched being naked in the kitchen, and articles have reflected that folks actually choose to cook this way.

GENTLE READER: People choose to do all kinds of things, but if it bothers you, any research condoning it is inconsequential. If your unhappiness is not a persuasive argument, Miss Manners suggests that you find a sign that says, “Cooks in the kitchen must be clothed” and display it prominently.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m trying to figure out why “Karen” has become a name to use when talking about someone perceived as either out of control or a nasty person. I always thought of Karen as a pretty name and now it’s being used to make fun of people.

I have a few friends who have that as their name, and I feel for them. Some of my other friends have used it that way, and I’ve emailed them and gently told them it wasn’t a nice thing to do, as I know a lot of Karens who are really nice people.

I do realize I probably should not be playing the role of grammar police, especially with friends. So is there a way to politely ask people not to use “Karen” that way?

And while I’m at it, the “OMG” thing is driving me nuts, too. If it’s friends, I just let it go, but when an advertiser does it, I write to them to let them know I find it offensive to be taking the name of my God in vain.

And then I get two-faced about it and complain that too many people take offense at too many things.

GENTLE READER: There is a difference, Miss Manners assures you, between policing grammar and defending friends. The next time a Karen’s name is taken in vain, you may say, “Of course not our Karen; she is lovely.” And if you count G-d amongst your intimates, the same tactic (“not my G-d”) may well work for them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: First, if I’m writing a letter and would once have addressed the recipient as “Sir/Ma’am,” what is the politically correct current form?

Second, when addressing a letter to Sandy Bailey, CEO, ABC Company, I actually wrote “Mr./Mrs. Bailey.” What is the current politically correct form?

I KNOW you are one of the snootier P.C. people in the world -- so you know the answers.

GENTLE READER: A compliment that Miss Manners will happily accept over their less appealing cousins, “shoddy” and “marginalizing.”

First, Miss Manners suggests a return to the form, “To Whom It May Concern.” If you truly do not know whom you are addressing, this covers all genders and titles.

Second, she suggests that you help pioneer and adopt the French “M—,” so frequently found in guest response cards (it will hardly be missed since these cards are usually thrown away anyway) where the gender identity is supposed to be filled in by the recipient. Just leave out the dash and add a period, and we have ourselves a neutral honorific.

As you are aware, there are just too many possibilities from which to guess if one is unsure -- and the resulting insult too great a risk if one guesses wrong. Although Miss Manners will continue her campaign to ask for indulgence when it does inevitably happen.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)