DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m trying to figure out why “Karen” has become a name to use when talking about someone perceived as either out of control or a nasty person. I always thought of Karen as a pretty name and now it’s being used to make fun of people.

I have a few friends who have that as their name, and I feel for them. Some of my other friends have used it that way, and I’ve emailed them and gently told them it wasn’t a nice thing to do, as I know a lot of Karens who are really nice people.

I do realize I probably should not be playing the role of grammar police, especially with friends. So is there a way to politely ask people not to use “Karen” that way?

And while I’m at it, the “OMG” thing is driving me nuts, too. If it’s friends, I just let it go, but when an advertiser does it, I write to them to let them know I find it offensive to be taking the name of my God in vain.

And then I get two-faced about it and complain that too many people take offense at too many things.

GENTLE READER: There is a difference, Miss Manners assures you, between policing grammar and defending friends. The next time a Karen’s name is taken in vain, you may say, “Of course not our Karen; she is lovely.” And if you count G-d amongst your intimates, the same tactic (“not my G-d”) may well work for them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: First, if I’m writing a letter and would once have addressed the recipient as “Sir/Ma’am,” what is the politically correct current form?

Second, when addressing a letter to Sandy Bailey, CEO, ABC Company, I actually wrote “Mr./Mrs. Bailey.” What is the current politically correct form?

I KNOW you are one of the snootier P.C. people in the world -- so you know the answers.

GENTLE READER: A compliment that Miss Manners will happily accept over their less appealing cousins, “shoddy” and “marginalizing.”

First, Miss Manners suggests a return to the form, “To Whom It May Concern.” If you truly do not know whom you are addressing, this covers all genders and titles.

Second, she suggests that you help pioneer and adopt the French “M—,” so frequently found in guest response cards (it will hardly be missed since these cards are usually thrown away anyway) where the gender identity is supposed to be filled in by the recipient. Just leave out the dash and add a period, and we have ourselves a neutral honorific.

As you are aware, there are just too many possibilities from which to guess if one is unsure -- and the resulting insult too great a risk if one guesses wrong. Although Miss Manners will continue her campaign to ask for indulgence when it does inevitably happen.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an online wedding registry, and 90% of the gifts I have received have been off there. The other day I received a present with no tag inside saying who it was from. I tried to check the registry, and there isn’t a name on there, either.

I am a stickler for thank-you cards. It bothers me not to be polite and say thank you, so I have been very upset that I don’t know who to thank.

It was a pretty expensive gift, and I know someone is going to be upset they don’t get a thank-you note. What should I do? My head has been spinning trying to figure this out.

GENTLE READER: Being a detective may not be in the job description of a bride, but solving problems certainly is. Miss Manners agrees that someone needs to be thanked, so it is time to get to work.

Step 1. Ask the shipper. Step 2. Due process of elimination against the guest list. Step 3. Share the problem with close family and friends, and ask if they know the giver, or if the gift itself suggests anything to them.

Each step is likely to be time-consuming and frustrating, which Miss Manners can only mitigate by allowing you a reasonable amount of additional time in which to send a charming letter that, in addition to giving thanks, recounts the research you had to do -- with humor and good will. This will excuse the tardy reply, but must not be phrased so as to imply any misdeed on the part of the sender: The shipper’s website, having no feelings (or remorse), is the intended target of your wit.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Often when I’ve visited other people’s homes for the first time (and not to stay overnight), they have offered to give me a tour of their house. It has always made me slightly uncomfortable to be shown the private areas of the home, like the host’s bedroom. I do like to be shown where the bathroom is, but otherwise, I feel like I’m invading their privacy.

We just moved into a new home. I know it is not required, but is it expected that I give first-time visitors ”the tour”? What if they ask? Moreover, our house is a bit more grand than those of most of my family and friends, so it feels a little bit like rubbing it in their faces: “Check out our giant closets,” etc.

GENTLE READER: The feeling that you don’t belong in another person’s bedroom should not be disregarded lightly. Whatever the owner’s motivation in showing it to you, the method of avoiding it, if not the consequence of seeing it, is the same: Change the subject, if possible (“You know, I would love to use the bathroom now, if I may”). Otherwise, postpone (“Perhaps later?”).

The same works for hosts: “This is not a good time. We don’t want anyone to get hurt by falling boxes.” Miss Manners recognizes the illogic of her excuse, but dares anyone to inquire further.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Mom is a professional complainer. It is not that nothing is ever good enough; that would be easy. Everything is unbearably horrible, and she is going to let you know all about it -- for hours at a time -- and continue to bring it up for years.

If I cook for her during visits, the food is inedible, and we are too cheap to take her out. (I am a professional pastry chef. I know how to cook.) If we take her out, we can’t choose a decent restaurant and are too lazy to cook. She is deeply offended, and the whole restaurant knows it.

Every gift we buy her is the stupidest thing she has ever seen, and we should have given her cash. But if we do give her cash, it’s never enough. We owe her more. We once gave her a vacation to a place that is all about her main interest, and spent way more money on it than we could comfortably afford. She hated it, and reminds me of that fact every gift-giving occasion.

But still, she had better have more gifts than the kids do, or else! We obviously do not care about her at all, she says, and on and on. She ruins every special occasion and family gathering, and makes a nervous mess of everyone with her ranting. She has a nasty temper.

We all want to tell her to just stay home, but she is getting up there in years, and is not in great health. Guilt keeps us coming back for more abuse. Can this situation be better managed, or do we all need to try to ignore it?

GENTLE READER: Being an active sort, Miss Manners likes to fix problems. But she acknowledges that some situations cannot be fixed; they can only be, as you say, managed.

What is to be done after you have exhausted hope of correcting a relative’s ongoing bad behavior, but before you conclude that the behavior is intolerable -- and that therefore, the relationship must be severed?

You must do what you can to mitigate the damage to others. You may be adult enough to ignore your mother’s outbursts, but it will be harder for young children. Perhaps they can be away on a playdate for some occasions. Avoid restaurant entertaining as a way of protecting your own good name, if not your mother’s.

As you are not going to please her -- with gifts or menus -- make choices that satisfy your own standards, and let that suffice. Guilt is not only counterproductive: It, sadly, fuels the bad behavior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way for a toddler to address a step-grandparent? There are already two sets of living grandparents, and the parents don’t want step-grandparents to be called “grandma/pa.” And who makes that decision -- the parents or the grandparents?

GENTLE READER: How one wishes to be addressed is a matter of respect, and therefore up to the person being addressed -- within reason. Miss Manners adds the caveat because not all reasons are equal. The person who takes enormous offense over an honest mistake forfeits some measure of her respect, if not the right to be properly addressed.

That leaves this decision to the second husbands and wives -- with the warning that, if they value family harmony, they will not adopt titles they have not earned.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)