DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I have a large deck in our backyard, and have been able to host couples for dinners with proper social distancing in nice weather. Before anyone visits us, we make it very clear that we have been following pretty strict social distancing, and ask that our guests do the same.

We also have a bathroom with a separate entrance, but we make it clear that we prefer people not go into our house otherwise.

At one of our dinners, the humidity was definitely up there, but the temperature was in the 70s. It was pretty comfortable outside. Yes, everyone’s hair was frizzing up, but a bad hairdo was a sacrifice I know I was willing to make. All the health experts are saying the risk of transmitting coronavirus greatly increases when you are in enclosed places.

The wife of the other couple was clearly uncomfortable with the humidity, and insisted we go inside to the air conditioning. My wife and I brushed off the humidity and subtly hinted that the weather wasn’t “that bad,” but the other wife insisted on going inside.

I didn’t want to make a scene, so I held back on reminding the couple of our detailed pre-dinner instructions/rules. Instead, I suggested we move to our sunroom, open up all the windows and turn the fan on for air circulation. Still, I was frustrated that we unnecessarily increased our transmission risk.

Should I have pushed the issue and insisted we stay outside?

GENTLE READER: Don’t underestimate the power of a woman’s hairdo scorned.

Yours was a polite compromise and probably the best solution at the time, given your guest’s insistence. However, if the situation were to arise again, Miss Manners suggests a polite, “I’m so sorry that you are uncomfortable; the weather is not as dry as we had hoped. But I’m afraid that our responsibility toward everyone’s safety is our primary concern. Of course, we understand if you feel that you need to go elsewhere to feel fully at ease.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When the father of a friend died, I sent what I thought was a nice letter of condolence. I later heard that my friend was somewhat insulted by my note, as I “hadn’t even bothered to send a sympathy card,” but wrote a letter instead.

I know Miss Manners prefers a handwritten personal sympathy note to a card with a preprinted sentiment -- and I do, too! Evidently my friend feels otherwise.

Now, unfortunately, her mother is gravely ill and I know I will soon need to express my sympathy. Which is better: to do the proper, polite thing as I did before, or do what my friend expects?

I’m not eager to write a note in a preprinted card, as the ones I have seen are weepy or overly religious, and I am neither.

GENTLE READER: Write the letter -- on beautiful stationery and in your best handwriting -- and then stick it in the middle of a preprinted sympathy card. Miss Manners has faith that you will be able to find a tasteful one -- and preferably one that does not mimic better calligraphy than yours.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiancee (now wife) and I wanted to have a potluck wedding reception, where instead of bringing gifts, the guests would bring a dish and share the recipe. The wedding was being hosted at my mother-in-law’s house -- my wife’s decision, as she wanted to be married under a particular tree.

My MIL refused to let us do the potluck idea, saying it was tacky. This has been bothering me, because it feels like she took something from us that we will never be able to have.

Would the potluck reception have been a faux pas as she believes, or is it acceptable?

GENTLE READER: Being a guest and being a caterer are worthy, but different, pursuits.

Miss Manners understands your mother-in-law’s not wanting to put friends and family to work, although she might have found a more tactful way to express it to your wife.

That said, Miss Manners feels a need to caution newlyweds such as yourself against the use of phrases like, “She took something from us that we will never be able to have.” An eagerness to promote short-term grievances into long-term grudges is detrimental to family harmony. If done indiscriminately, it may someday put you in a position to have the second wedding you have always dreamed of.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few years ago, I made a new friend. We’re both in our early 60s, and have a number of things in common. Over these few years, I’ve noticed that she sometimes lacks commitment to plans we’ve made. Sometimes I find out through the grapevine that she made plans with other friends.

She asked my husband and me if we would go with her to a nearby restaurant for dinner, and together we decided on the following Saturday night. Late Thursday evening, she sent me a text asking if we could meet Friday night instead, because that is the day she “arrives back in town.”

It appears to my husband and me that she puts her plans with us aside when something she considers better comes along. I’m not sure how to handle this. If I confront her, it could cause a break in the friendship (if I am mistaken about her reason for changing plans). Yet I feel I cannot let this continue if I want to maintain this friendship.

GENTLE READER: Confronting her could cause a break in the relationship even if you are correct about her reasons for changing plans.

Ruling out such an approach, you are left with more subtle ways to modify your friend’s behavior -- the most obvious being consistently discovering, to your dismay, that you are not available on Friday. Eventually, your friend will realize that sticking to the plan is the only way she will get to see you.

Miss Manners in this case draws her inspiration from the cat who, though inexplicably deaf to direct explanations of what needs to be done, learns that every time he jumps on the counter, an arm reaches out from the sky and returns him to the floor.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: You’ve said it’s considered rude to correct others’ manners. I’ve always been told this, but it leads me to this question: How are others to learn better manners if they’re never corrected when they’re rude?

I realize it can be difficult to do this kindly if one is feeling insulted by the rudeness. But if it can be done nicely, wouldn’t it be helpful to say, “Shelby, do you realize how rude it is when you do X?”

I don’t expect you to change your mind on this point of etiquette, but I’m genuinely interested in your thoughts.

GENTLE READER: You are correct that if no one’s manners were ever corrected, we would all be eating with our hands and wiping our mouths on the tablecloth.

Miss Manners does not dictate that no one can correct another person’s manners -- only who may do so, and sometimes when. Parents may correct their own, growing children. Teachers may correct students.

It may interest you to know that Miss Manners, who, in her profession, corrects everyone, would consider it the height of rudeness were she to correct a friend or acquaintance face-to-face.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Due to circumstances surrounding the pandemic, my brother, father and I are all living under the same roof. My nephew is getting married next year; whether or not we will be able to attend is still unknown.

We received three separate invitations to the event. Should we send the couple three individual gifts (most likely cash or checks), or would it be appropriate to pool together and send one envelope?

GENTLE READER: Putting aside the substance of the gift (Miss Manners does not consider money a proper present), you are right that presents are generally given per household. But the term is not to be understood in a literal way. For instance, a child’s parents would include him on the list of givers even if he is away at camp. And your mother-in-law, even if she lives upstairs, will want to send something separate as a measure of independence.

Assuming you and your brother are adults, the extra envelopes and stamps for three separate presents will not do lasting damage to the planet.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a lady who works in retail. What is the correct way to react to a man who walks up to me while I am working and says, with his eyes full of pity, “I wouldn’t want your job”?

The unsolicited comment always feels condescending, but I can’t exactly point that out to a customer. Other than asking the customer if they need assistance, is there something else I’m supposed to say? How am I supposed to answer?

GENTLE READER: It depends on what you hope to accomplish. A cool “May I help you?” rejects -- by not acknowledging -- the customer’s words, while satisfying the requirements of good manners. Miss Manners thinks this is a great deal. If, instead, your goal is to get into a conversation with your boss about your future in sales, then you may smile and tell him, “Well, I’m keeping it, so you can’t have it.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)