DEAR MISS MANNERS: My twins are 2 1/2. My brother and sister-in-law (who are delightful and lovely, and with whom we get along well) call my son by a nickname that we never use -- think Tom for Thomas -- and misspell my daughter’s name -- think Anne for Ann.

We hardly ever see them because they live far away, so I haven’t said anything about it. I’ve rather been hoping that they’ll pick up the right name and spelling in our conversations, but so far, it hasn’t happened.

We’re going to see them soon, though, and I’d prefer that they get it right. They also have two young children, and they may need a little time to get used to hearing and using the right names. (Not so worried about how the preschoolers spell.) I’d also like to embarrass them as little as possible.

Is there a polite way to say, “We don’t actually call him that,” and “We actually spell it this way”? I’m probably overthinking this, but I don’t want to make them feel bad.

GENTLE READER: Correct spelling may be a battle that you can win. Nicknames, unfortunately, are not.

Miss Manners suggests that you save your energy for the former -- because you and your twins will spend the rest of your lives sustaining it for the latter. Nicknames are almost impossible to guard against -- at any stage of life.

For the moment, however, she suggests that you proceed with correcting those preschoolers. It is much more socially acceptable, and even expected, for you to help them spell things. They can also be a major asset down the line by correcting their parents -- a job that they will no doubt relish, and abuse, in your stead.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I turn to you in hopes of finding a reasonably polite and mannerly response to individuals who feel the need to question my use of a handicapped parking space (while displaying a handicapped placard, of course).

Apparently, I do not conform to a particular “disabled” look, which it seems all those with a disability must possess, and individuals find it necessary to point that out -- often using the most unpleasant decibels of their outside voices.

Wishing to avoid a public confrontation, what am I to do? Politely pointing out that not all disabilities are immediately visible has not been effective. An icy glare followed by “Excuse me?” or “What an odd comment” have not produced satisfactory results, nor has simply walking (limping) away.

I would prefer to avoid my last-resort option of unbuttoning my top and displaying the scar bisecting my body, as I am sure that would be unacceptable behavior in a social situation.

GENTLE READER: It would, but Miss Manners certainly understands your frustration. To avoid providing visible proof, how about, “Thank you for your concern, but I assure you that my doctor and the DMV approve my condition -- even if, it seems, you do not.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s family is wildly different in how they view familial relationships than I am accustomed to. I would like Miss Manners to help me work out the propriety of thanking one’s own parents.

My in-laws expect a lot of recognition for their gifts and time, and are very formal with us, sending thank-you cards for perfunctory gifts and favors -- for instance, if we take care of their cats for a day or two while they are away. We know they expect the same in return.

I come from a family that finds the idea of getting a thank-you card from one’s own child, or vice versa, preposterous. Such cards are reserved for major life events or extraordinary favors, and are only considered appropriate for people beyond your immediate family. Instead, a verbal thank-you is the norm. It is also accepted that occasional forgetfulness in this regard will be forgiven, as long as there is generosity going both ways.

I actually found my husband’s family charming at first, as I have a love of stationery that surpasses the number of gifts I receive. However, we now have a toddler (and therefore less free time), and after over a decade, I find my distaste for the formality of the gratitude compounded by my disappointment over the emotional distance that accompanies my in-laws’ expectations.

My husband agrees, and has decided we will stick to fewer, but more intimate, displays of thanks -- such as heartfelt messages and gifts on birthdays, and in-person thank-yous when they help us do something particularly unpleasant, such as lay a patio.

I know my MIL in particular is not going to take this well, and I would like to know how improper we are being before I decide how contrite to be. I really don’t want to take them for granted; I just want the relationship to be more causal and also more genuine. I hope the same for my child in the future.

GENTLE READER: Do you? The problem is that “occasional forgetfulness” quickly turns into constant ingratitude -- and you probably do not want that from your own child, either.

But to be fair, not even Miss Manners writes a thank-you letter to her immediate family for small favors or presents issued in person. In the interest of good etiquette, family harmony and modeling best practices for your offspring, she will make you a deal. Continue writing thank-you letters for major things like heirloom silver sets and down payments -- and she will allow you to forgo them for trinkets and clearing the table.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an involuntary wink and facial palsy due to surgical damage -- but I’m lucky to be alive! I often realize, after the fact, that I’ve unintentionally inflicted discomfort on strangers (such as store clerks) to whom I speak and wink.

What can I say to explain and beg forbearance without seeking sympathy?

GENTLE READER: “Please forgive me; that was involuntary. My eyes tend to sneeze without me.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boss (owner of the business) is extremely generous and thoughtful. He really enjoys remembering staff birthdays, hiring anniversaries and holidays with generous gifts and bonuses. Usually, these come as emailed gift cards or something delivered to my home. He enjoys doing this personally; it’s not delegated to an assistant.

Last summer, after several years with the business, I resigned from my position to care full-time for my ailing parents. The timing was difficult, as our business was heavily impacted by the coronavirus and related staffing issues. I agreed to stay on part-time until my replacement started.

My hiring anniversary and my resignation date coincided. In our farewell, my boss said he was sending a gift to me to recognize both.

It has been a few months. Nothing ever arrived.

I realize in the chaos and stress at work, he may have just forgotten, although that’s uncharacteristic for him. I am worried that he thinks I received something and did not acknowledge it. I am also concerned that he may have spent a significant amount of money on something that was never delivered.

I feel rude asking about it, but also want him to know if something he paid for never arrived. Common sense tells me to let it go, but it occasionally nags at me. Do I have a responsibility to notify him of the unreceived gift?

GENTLE READER: Your common sense has led you astray.

The concern -- and it is a serious one -- is not whether your former boss got value for his money, or the reputation of the postal service. The issue is your own reputation: You do not want him to think that you are rude or that when you left the job, you severed all future relations.

Miss Manners’ fondness for handwritten letters is not merely due to her liking the smell of paper and ink. Gracious correspondence can soothe many a feeling and solve many a problem.

You cannot ask what happened to your gift, but nothing stops you from penning a chatty letter updating him on your life and thanking him for his many kindnesses while in his employ. If he did send a present, then the absence of any mention in such a long letter will make him wonder if it arrived. If he did not send one, it may perhaps inspire him to do so now.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter is getting married and, due to COVID-19, the plans have changed considerably. The wedding will only have the wedding party and immediate family, and the reception/celebration will be sometime next year with a renewal of vows.

What is the furthest out we can have the celebration and still be appropriate? Does it matter if we call it a reception or a celebration?

GENTLE READER: The answer in normal times is one year, but with the pandemic upending social interactions, Miss Manners is willing to extend the deadline to any time before your daughter’s children are old enough to ask whom the party is for.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)