DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should I let a family member know that her social media posts about her son are reading as negative? I know the written word isn’t always “heard” in the voice the author intends.

My niece-in-law is biracial. She and our nephew just had their first baby, and in her words, he ”really passes as white.” Her first post mentioned her surprise at how white he was, and some read it as negative. But subsequent posts explain her disappointment at his color by saying that she had hoped that she could share her biracial experience with him, and hoped maybe his color would change. These messages are tied up with other posts about Black Lives Matter.

I can’t know what it’s like to grow up biracial, but I know what it’s like to disappoint your parents at birth -- I was a girl, they wanted a boy. That was a single statement, spoken to me only once. I sit here imagining that I had had to read it as a public post, and see that my mother didn’t voice it once, but repeatedly. How would that feel? How much harder would it be to rationalize away?

Social media never goes away, and I don’t want these comments to hurt this child or his relationship with his mom down the road. I’m sure if asked, she’d say she loves her son unconditionally. But if he sees these statements, how can he believe it?

Should I (or someone) say something to her? Or to my nephew? (If my nephew’s mother, my sister-in-law, were still living, I think she’d say something to him. I don’t think his dad would want to rock the boat.)

Should I just stop following her on social media?

GENTLE READER: Yes, if that is the only way to save you from yourself. You are right about the danger of posting qualms about a child, but the damage is done.

So Miss Manners would recommend that you stay far, far away from this. It is personal, both in terms of the racial element and the mother-child relationship, and no good can come from your commenting on it.

Of course, you could argue that your niece started it by putting it out there for public consumption, but you are not the demographic from which she is looking for a response; yours will only exacerbate the situation. Telling a new mother that she is hurting her child will further alienate you from her.

Instead, bolster your grandnephew’s confidence throughout his life by telling him how wonderful, smart and handsome he is (while being careful not to equate any particular skin tone with beauty). Miss Manners feels certain that this is also his mother’s intention, and that what she was posting was not a reflection of her love for the boy.

You will do more good for the relationship and this child’s ultimate well-being this way, than from afar as an estranged family member. Which is what you will likely become if you confront her.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you politely correct someone who constantly scrapes their bowl or plate with a fork/spoon?

GENTLE READER: By holding your ears, politely saying “Ooh, ouch,” and then apologizing for having done so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On a recent Saturday, after eating lunch, I walked out to where my car was parked on the street. A car pulled up near me and the woman driving asked, “Are you leaving?” I responded, “Not yet.” I realize, in hindsight, that she must have misheard me as saying “Yes.”

I got in my car and got ready to brush my teeth. You see, I have an orthodontic device, and, pursuant to my dentist’s instructions, I have to take it out to eat and then brush my teeth before I put it back in. I had water bottles set up in the car for the purpose of rinsing and spitting.

As I was brushing my teeth, the woman in the other car pulled up in front of me. As I brushed, she occasionally inched closer to my car. Finally, she did a three-point turn and parked on the other side of the street.

This all happened within a matter of minutes. As she walked by, she shouted to me, “I thought you said you were leaving.”

“I said, ‘Not yet,’” I responded.

She then said that I could have pulled up and let her have the spot while I brushed my teeth, and that what I did was rude.

“Really?” I said. When she said “yes,” I responded, “Have a nice life.”

She then said, “Go away! Go back where you come from!” (That was kind of an odd thing to say. This took place in New York, and I’m from Connecticut.) I left, so that was the end of the exchange.

Most of the people I have told about this incident thought that I had the right to keep the spot until I was ready to leave. One friend told me that what he says in such a situation is, “I need a few minutes,” which would be less likely to be heard as “Yes” than what I said.

However, one friend said the kind thing to do would have been to give her the spot and then brush my teeth elsewhere. Honestly, that did not cross my mind at the time. This friend also thought that our exchange was ridiculous for two adults. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: The etiquette around parking spaces is closer to that of checkout lines than that of rental apartments. People at the back of a line can expect those in front of them to make reasonable efforts to expedite things. People moving into a new rental can have no reasonable expectation that you will clear out weeks before your lease expires.

Miss Manners realizes that the person coming and the person going may have different ideas of what is reasonable. Whatever your own definition was, it will go over better if you acknowledge the other party’s needs by appearing to go as quickly as you can. The other party is then expected to refrain from glaring or showing other obvious signs of displeasure.

Had your response to “Are you leaving?” been, “I’m so sorry. I’m almost ready but I do need a minute,” you might have avoided the subsequent unpleasantness.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: You have endorsed discreetly regifting, donating or returning unwanted gifts. Amen to that. However, one of the examples you provided of an unwanted gift was a donation, “in the recipient’s name,” to a charity that the recipient opposed. Obviously, such a gift cannot be regifted, donated or returned.

I doubt the charity would return the money if the recipient asked for it, although it might at least dissociate his name from the donation and refrain from sending him appeals for further donations (and from providing his name to other such charities -- by far the worst consequence of this “gift,” in my book).

The only solution I can think of -- other than confronting the giver and telling him it was a bad gift -- is to retaliate with an equal (or larger) donation, in the giver’s name, to a charity with the opposite mission and goals. Or perhaps to graciously express an intention to do so the following year.

But this seems too much like answering rudeness with rudeness. Do you have any other suggestions? Is it relevant whether the giver knows of the recipient’s objections to the charity?

GENTLE READER: The giver’s intentions are highly relevant, as there may not be any rudeness to “confront.” A gift that is not to your taste may be thoughtless without being an intentional affront.

In that case, a tepid thank-you (“Thank you for thinking of me”) is in order. If, instead, the choice of charities was meant to irk, then the tone of your thank-you letter can be decidedly different: “Thank you for thinking of me. As you know, I disagree with the goals of the charity you have selected and am therefore unable to accept your gift.”

Miss Manners urges you not to be too literal-minded about what it means to refuse a gift not in your possession. In either scenario, it would be well to call the charity and ask that your name be dissociated from the gift, as well as being removed from any lists of people they intend to dun.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is 7 years old and writes lovely thank-you cards.

His uncles and aunts have always been generous with gifts. Lately when they give him something, they tell him not to send a thank-you. They tell him thanking family is a waste.

My son is confused. So am I. How should we proceed?

GENTLE READER: Somebody needs retraining, but it is not your son. It is time to take the uncles and aunts aside and explain that you feel this is an important parenting lesson and you would appreciate their cooperation.

If their intention was merely to save Noah the effort of writing a letter, they will not object. And if they are thinking you are hopelessly old fashioned and no one writes thank-you letters anymore, you will, by making this about not interfering with your parenting, limit their ability to object. The good news is that you should not have to do this more than once or twice per uncle and aunt.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)