DEAR MISS MANNERS: It seems that Cobb and chopped salads are now on menus everywhere, and are as beautiful to look at as they are delicious to eat. My dilemma is how to eat them.

Does one toss it in one’s plate, so each bite contains a sample of a few ingredients? There usually isn’t a lot of room on the plate to do this neatly.

I drizzle a bit of dressing and eat a little from each section, working my way around the plate, adding dressing as needed once I reach the lower layers. But what is the preferred method?

GENTLE READER: When it comes to giant salads fitted in small bowls, one’s life -- and dry-cleaning bill -- is in one’s own hands. Your method is as good as any.

Miss Manners suggests you approach it like an archaeological dig, skillfully swirling and consolidating the further you approach the bottom. If it is any consolation, at least chopped and Cobb salads have the courtesy of coming in bite-sized pieces. Their cruel sibling, the wedge salad, is not so generous.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For 50 years, I have enjoyed working with yarn. I gave complete baby sets (a sweater set, blanket and toy) to friends when their children came along. These were well received, with many compliments; pictures of them in use were shared with me, and I was frequently told these items would be saved as heirlooms for the baby’s own children.

Twelve or 15 years would go by, and the friend would tell me out of the blue, “I had to discard your beautiful baby set. We just don’t have room to keep EVERYTHING from Terrence’s childhood. I felt so terrible when I threw it in the dumpster.” (This is a mental image I do not enjoy, either!) Then in another 10 or 12 years, they announce their excitement to be welcoming a grandchild, and ask me to make another baby set.

While I understand the need to downsize, and that the gift is theirs to do with as they wish, I’m at a loss as to how to answer these requests. It feels as though they’re asking me to negate their guilt, while knowing they’ve discarded a symbol of our friendship.

Items are discarded for various reasons over time, but I would NEVER announce that I discarded someone’s gift, no matter the circumstances or amount of time passed!

Can you suggest how I can politely respond to the announcement that my gift has been discarded? In the past I have simply said, “I understand.” I now find great satisfaction in donating my creations to charities -- and not knowing their fate!

GENTLE READER: You cannot chastise them, but you can politely express disappointment.

Miss Manners suggests something like: “Oh, that is too bad. If you no longer had use for it, I am sure that someone else might have. Perhaps even Terrence’s children someday, knowing that he enjoyed it so. Well, if you find yourself in the same position again, I would happily keep it for you or donate it, rather than have it go to waste.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As my husband grows older, he is becoming increasingly feral with his eating habits.

We usually enjoy our meals together at the table, but of late, he has abandoned all forms of dining etiquette. He uses his cutlery as if knives and forks were garden instruments. He slurps, grunts, chews loudly and smacks his lips, among other things. It is altogether unpleasant, and I shudder to think what new habit will come next.

When I question him about these habits, he tells me that there is no need to display any niceties, as it is only the two of us. He claims he knows how to behave in polite company. Not only is it insulting and off-putting, I fear that one day he might forget himself in this “polite company” that apparently does not include me.

I have tried to discuss this matter with him, but to no avail. Icy stares do not work, either. I am at my wits’ end. I am tempted to serve his next meal in a dog bowl.

GENTLE READER: While for some, the pandemic has only reinforced the absurd notion that one does not have to be polite to the people with whom one lives, Miss Manners has noticed that the rising divorce rate during it proves otherwise.

You may be able to get away without shoes while being house-bound, but you cannot forgo respect. And the contention that one would pull oneself together for company is not a defense; as you point out, it is only more insulting. Perhaps you can suggest that until your husband can display good manners, you will be dining elsewhere -- even if that means in the bedroom with a tray.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it acceptable to post a death notice of one’s spouse online?

GENTLE READER: An obituary is more formal -- with personal phone calls made by you, or friends and family, to people who are close. Miss Manners acknowledges that this is less efficient than social media posts, but she maintains that it is also more dignified.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it acceptable to post a death notice of one’s spouse online?

GENTLE READER: An obituary is more formal -- with personal phone calls made by you, or friends and family, to people who are close. Miss Manners acknowledges that this is less efficient than social media posts, but she maintains that it is also more dignified.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner of many years and I broke up last year under what could euphemistically be called “difficult circumstances.” I was, as they used to say, the innocent party.

Neither I nor my three adult children had (or have) any desire for continued contact with this person, but when he and I met casually at a social event recently, he made reference to something he had seen that he wanted to get one of the children for Christmas.

Now, we were all raised to be gracious in receiving gifts and prompt in acknowledging them; however, I can assure you that such graciousness may well be beyond the reach of my very well-bred children.

Is it ever permitted to refuse a gift? If so, how does one do that? All of my children live out of town, so the anticipated mode of delivery would probably be the U.S. Postal Service.

I was too surprised when he brought this up to say, “Oh, I don’t think that would be a good idea,” but I also want to protect my children as much as possible from a really impossible situation.

GENTLE READER: Gifts cannot be refused merely because you loathe the gift. But they can be refused if you loathe the giver, or distrust his intentions -- an exception the Trojans forgot, to their peril.

Doing so is not a neutral gesture, which is why it is not to be done indiscriminately. As your children are adults, they may have to mail the unopened presents back themselves. Were they still in your immediate care, Miss Manners would agree that the task would fall to you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am ashamed and mortified to say that when I visited my sister-in-law’s home, I stayed too long. In hindsight, I realize how obvious they were being about wanting me to leave.

She had called and invited me over, I was not late, and was only there approximately 45 minutes to an hour.

I am beside myself at not getting a clue sooner, or knowing what I should have done different. I am just ashamed, embarrassed and mortified at myself and the situation.

I would like to know how best to let them know that afterwards, I recognized my faux pas of overstaying my welcome, and that I am truly sorry. What is the best and proper way to convey my apologies?

GENTLE READER: Without more context, it is not clear to Miss Manners how a 45-minute, invited visit could have been a major imposition. But whatever your sister-in-law did obviously made a strong impression, albeit a delayed one.

Did she clear the table, wash the dishes and start the laundry? Did she turn off all the lights? Did she excuse herself and reappear in her nightgown? Now that you have learned her signals, Miss Manners recommends you commit them to memory for next time -- and include a limited reference, in your next conversation, to your hope of not having inconvenienced her.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)