DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the best way to respond to someone who says, “You have too much time on your hands”?

A friend of mine is a kindhearted person and I love her dearly, but when I do something special for her or her kids, this is what she says. For example, I labeled the ice and water dispensers on my fridge for her, so she could get what she needed without putting her glasses on, and I’ve spent time on gifts because I thought her child would like them. This is how she responds.

It’s ironic, because she spends most of her time cleaning her house, whereas mine is clean but I still have time to enjoy doing things like this.

Is there a polite way to respond without being snarky? Because I get that way when my feelings are hurt.

GENTLE READER: When compliments are met with derision (“This old thing?”), the intention is not to insult the giver’s taste. Likewise, your friend must think that she is modestly deflecting your generosity.

However, Miss Manners agrees that it comes across less than gracious for deeds that are so thoughtfully meant. A stricken, “Oh! No, I don’t have much time. I just enjoy doing it and thought that you would like it. I can stop if you like” should sufficiently shame your friend into reminding her that generosity can always be terminated if it goes unappreciated.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last year, shortly before the holidays, I accepted a promotion to a different department in the government agency where I’ve worked for several years. This is my first supervisory position, and my predecessor set some precedents that I’m finding difficult to afford.

He bought lunch for each staff member on their birthday, and bought lunch for the entire staff plus the secretaries (a total of about 10 people) for the holidays.

Another supervisor, who also carries on these traditions, informed me of them. Not wanting to make a bad first impression or appear stingy, I went along with it last year. But the truth is, I’m still paying off student loans and my salary is far from exorbitant. Many of my staff make quite a bit more than I do, as they have been here longer.

I’m struggling with what to do this year. I would rather buy a small gift for my staff, but I don’t want them to feel that I appreciate them less than other supervisors or my predecessor. What is the appropriate amount for a low-level government supervisor to spend?

GENTLE READER: Does your compliance officer have nothing to say about this?

If not, she should. Miss Manners recommends that rather than get into a competition of gratitude with past employers, you express yours in personal and heartfelt wishes. And then get your agency to agree to allowing people to go home early on the eves of holidays, as that will likely be more appreciated than grocery store cake and subpar takeout food.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In these days of many new rules, all our local grocery stores now have one-way lanes. Being a highly obedient type, naturally I follow the arrows. (Although in the beginning, I have to admit I didn’t notice them!)

When encountering a shopper coming toward me, I have taken to saying “Oops, you’re going the wrong way on a one-way street,” which I thought sounded reasonable.

One person said, “Well, I’ve decided to make it a two-way street,” and another said, “Yeah, I know that.” I have to admit that I reacted to that by saying, “Oh, I see. You just don’t care,” which she did not take well.

I considered parking my cart in front of them and saying “Turn around!” in a loud voice, but of course that is simply impossible for me to do.

What does Miss Manners say is the correct thing to do in correcting people who don’t understand the new rules of today?

GENTLE READER: Yes, the rules keep developing. As you said, you yourself did not notice the grocery store traffic patterns at first.

Miss Manners recommends that you continue proceeding as though going the wrong way is an innocent mistake -- and simply maneuvering around any offenders. As you have found, scolding them does not make them reform.

Given the year we have had, you will likely need to save your righteous indignation for future issues and more stringent laws, like not feeding the locusts when they arrive.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a 71-year-old man who was given the name of Shelly -- a family name, though I’ve always gone by the nickname of Skip. All my life I’ve had to put up with snickers and boorish jokes, not to mention the misunderstanding that I am female.

I’ve dealt with all of this graciously, never openly complaining. However, I would not wish this situation on others.

My grandson and his wife are now expecting their first child, a boy, and in keeping with their desire to embrace family heritage, have decided to name the baby after me. Hearing this has given me a great deal of pause, and now I think that I should have made my dislike of my name known to them privately ages ago.

How can I thank them for wanting to honor me, yet let them know that I would not want my great-grandson going through life with the burden that I’ve carried?

GENTLE READER: Thereby depriving him of a special bond -- even if it’s one rooted in resentment -- with his great-grandfather?

Miss Manners recommends that you politely, but cautiously, thank the parents by telling them, “I am so pleased to have someone with whom to share the precious burden that is our family name. Here’s hoping that he will have an easier time of it than I have. If he would like any tips or alternative nicknames, he can always consult me. But you will also not hurt my feelings if you find you want to reconsider.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an email regarding a job I applied for. It was sent from an email address with one name attached to it, and was signed “p.p.” followed by two other names, separated by a slash:

Sent: Last Name 1, First Name 1, email address

Dear Ms. My Last Name,

Message

p.p. First Name 2 Last Name 2 / First Name 3 Last Name 3

To whom should I address my reply? Also, I would like to reply addressing the correct person (or people) using the format Ms. Last Name or Mr. Last Name, but I cannot tell the gender of the third person by their first name. An internet search for the person has not yielded any clues. How should I address the email?

GENTLE READER: The “p.p.” or “per procurationem” used to be legalese (a popular dialect of Latin) for, “Person 2 is sending the email on behalf of Person 1, because Person 1 does not know how to type.”

It has largely fallen out of use, due to email, but remains perfectly acceptable. In responding, you may address yourself directly to Person 1. Or you may respond to Person 2 (assuming you have Person 2’s email), asking that your response be shared with Person 1. As Person 3 just seems to be along for the ride, Miss Manners gives permission to ignore him. Or her.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve wondered for some time now whether or not it is acceptable to open a bottle of wine and have a half-consumed glass in your hand when your dinner guests arrive. I find it’s nice to loosen up and enjoy those first few sips while I finish the preparations.

Is it rude to have started drinking before your guests arrive? Does it make them feel obligated to continue having what you’ve just opened? Should you still open the bottle they have brought as soon as they come in?

I’ve been thinking more about this recently, as my husband and I have been participating in socially distant happy hours with another couple. When we meet them at the park or picnic table, is it OK for us to show up a few minutes early, open the bottle and enjoy a glass before they arrive? Or is this akin to starting the meal before everyone’s been seated?

GENTLE READER: Cocktail hour does not have as fixed a start clock as a meal; in normal times, you would be serving drinks as guests arrive. (Serving whatever they may bring is optional, as it is intended as a present.)

This blurs the situation enough to cover reasonable behavior. Who knows that the glass in your hand was not intended for a guest who arrived earlier?

The exception can even, Miss Manners supposes, be extended to include your early arrival at the picnic table. Just promise her that, when home entertaining returns, you will never greet your guests by calling over your shoulder, “Honey, the Cartwrights are here” and punctuating it with a gulp from said glass.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)