DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 13-year-old girl in a small ethnic community, and am part of the community’s children’s choir. Our choir instructor, who is in her mid-20s, is getting married in a few months.

I bumped into her and her fiance at a religious event, and after saying hello and asking how they were, I also asked them, “How is wedding planning going?”

Instantly they both got angry and said my question was very rude.

My intention was to be polite and make small talk. I promise I wasn’t fishing for an invite or anything like that. The only reason I even asked is because she has spoken about her wedding in front of our choir before.

Was my generic question truly rude? I really don’t think it was, but I am no longer sure. After they criticized me, I apologized and walked away stunned. I’m not sure what to think now.

GENTLE READER: Although Miss Manners is hesitant to tell a young adult that her elders will not always be right, she does so now in recognition that you would have discovered this yourself soon enough.

Next time, you will also realize that their united vehemence did not demonstrate that they were correct, but rather that the wedding planning was not going well.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last year, I did a great deal of home renovation projects. I found myself constantly astonished at the number of contractors and skilled workers who never responded to my inquiries requesting estimates for the work to be done.

This included contractors who had come to the house and discussed the work, but then never responded again. I have heard the same story from other friends as well. Do these people not understand that they are running a business?

Now I’m in the position of needing a contractor to return and follow up on a problem that he thought he had solved. Plus, there is an item that I offered to give him, but that he never picked up.

I gave this contractor over $100,000 worth of work and I have received no response after two inquiries. I’ve been tempted to write again with a snide comment on the order of: “After all the work and money I gave you, you can’t follow up on my request?” But perhaps Miss Manners can provide a more polite and effective way of eliciting a response.

GENTLE READER: While she agrees that contractors and workers who do not respond to inquiries for estimates are both rude and poor business people, Miss Manners bars the teaching of manners by civilians. You will therefore have to settle for an admonition that you are disappointed that they do not have time for new business.

Such a communication need not be limited to the contractor -- it can be shared with his or her supervisor and the inevitable follow-up from the company’s sales department about your level of satisfaction.

The situation with the contractor you have already worked with is different: He has failed to provide the contracted service, and can be pursued with all the tools and energy available to aggrieved customers.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m in my late 20s, and an alumna of an out-of-state university. On Sundays, I sing and play an instrument at my church’s Mass (which is now being streamed online for remote attendees).

One of the other church volunteers, a gentleman of around 60 years of age, noticed my alma mater’s emblem on the back of my car. He is apparently either a fan or a graduate of the rival university.

Anytime he sees me, he comments on this fact. This usually entails something like, “I see you still haven’t removed that logo,” “Why don’t I take that off your car for you?,” or calling out his school’s traditional game day battle cry.

I’m used to the occasional interaction like this with strangers, and my go-to reply is to smile and say, “Hey, at least we’re from the same state!”

However, after multiple interactions, I’ve started ignoring his greeting and simply replying with “Good morning” or, in parting, “Have a nice week.” He still won’t take the hint that I’m not interested in taking jabs at each other’s schools, and the remarks continue.

I’m not sure if this is his best attempt at friendly conversation (it’s the only thing he ever says to me) or if the rivalry, for him, really runs that deep. Either way, I’d like for this to stop.

GENTLE READER: He means it as a running joke. Can you run when you see him coming?

Miss Manners supposes not. The way to kill a joke is to take it seriously. What you can say the next time is, “You know, I’m so sorry that you are upset by this. I really have a great deal of respect for your school. I don’t think of us as rivals, but as colleagues in the pursuit of knowledge.”

There is nothing like boring a bore to chase him away.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter and her boyfriend have been talking about getting married for a couple of months. They picked a venue that is very convenient for his family and very inconvenient for ours. My daughter does expect us to pay for the wedding, as we have always told her we would.

Here is the issue. They have a “soft hold” on the venue, but he hasn’t given her a ring. They looked at rings about six or eight weeks ago.

This is stressful for me, as we obviously need to make arrangements for this out-of-state wedding. There isn’t any reason not to set a date (e.g., waiting until a new job starts, or until they buy a house).

Would I be out of line to talk to her boyfriend and ask if he is serious or stringing her along? We know and love him, but this is changing my feelings as this stresses out my daughter.

GENTLE READER: Are you concerned that although the couple has chosen a venue for their wedding, the presumed bridegroom may not intend to go through with it?

Or are you just after a diamond ring?

Miss Manners strongly advises you not to make any down payments before you understand the cause of your daughter’s stress and urge her to deal with it. A ring is not necessary, but confidence in the commitment is.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am not happy at all about COVID-19, but I confess that I am happy that no one has invited themselves over to my house lately.

In the past, I have had many guests who just announce that they are visiting, and no amount of hints get through to them. I do like day guests very much, but not overnight guests, as I hate to cook. I also have a health condition that can cause fatigue.

Mostly, I am an introvert and don’t like people invading my space for long periods. I am afraid that when the virus is no longer a threat, potential guests will resume their uninvited visits.

I have tried saying, “I’d love to see you on ‘X’ day, but I think you’d be happier in ‘Y’ hotel for nighttime.” Then the response is, “Oh, but I would feel so much more comfortable being casual and visiting longer!”

I have tried saying, “I am happy to see you, but I don’t cook.” Then they say, “I’ll cook!” but then they make a mess in my kitchen and I end up cleaning for hours.

I know I shouldn’t have to give an excuse, because excuses like my health issue just invite more unwanted, prying questions or well-meaning “solutions.”

I always prefer to stay in a hotel when I am visiting friends in another town. How do I get them to stay in a hotel?!

GENTLE READER: Presumably you sort of like these pushy people, as you do want to see them occasionally (after the pandemic). So you will have to stop hinting and start making yourself clear.

It is not impolite for a potential host to state the terms for a visit. Nor need you be defensive when guests presume to do so. Miss Manners has a few phrases for you to memorize:

“I’m sorry, I’m not having overnight guests. But if you are staying in town, I’d love to see you.” You need not offer an excuse, but if you feel you need one, turn your guest room into a gym, a sewing room or a pet menagerie, so you can state as much.

“I can’t do lunch/dinner, but please come to tea.” That involves only boiling water and putting out a snack.

“You know, I’ve gotten used to virtual visits; it seems that they are so much more focused. So please let me know when you’d be free to have one.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Since when does anyone with manners cut food with a FORK??? Isn’t that what a knife is for?

GENTLE READER: Since about 200 years ago, when the fork was belatedly coming into common use. Before that, most Europeans and Americans ate with their knives -- generally their own all-purpose knives, which they might have also used to kill small animals or clear brush.

Then it came to be considered more civilized to use a fork (which Italians had been using all along), and tableware was already supplied at the table. The fork became the instrument of choice, with the knife only employed for meat and other foods that could not be sliced with the side of the fork.

Miss Manners has chosen to assume that you are more interested in learning history than expressing sarcasm.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)