DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law sent my husband $1,200 and told him to spend it on clothes and stuff for himself.

It takes me one month to earn that kind of money working 40 hours a week. For the past three months, I have been working 80 hours a week to support us. I am stressed and tired to the max, but I do it so we can be comfortable. My husband does not work, which is an arrangement we agreed on.

We just got married and moved into a house that needs furnishings. I feel that he should not accept the gift if it is tied to how she wants it spent. I think that the money should be used to buy necessities. There are a lot of things we need and want. Clothes are not one of them -- especially $1,200 worth of clothes.

I feel disrespected by his family. I work very hard to support us, and to have them dictate how to spend a gift of cash is creating a huge rift between us. Am I overthinking this?

GENTLE READER: You are underthinking it.

Every time Miss Manners believes she has completed her list of reasons for disliking cash as presents, a Gentle Reader is kind enough to provide another.

Etiquette awards the choice of gift to the giver, but frowns on attaching conditions. (The difference between a suggestion and a condition is left to the reader to determine.)

Etiquette also recognizes the recipient as the beneficiary. Had your husband received a box of chocolates, it would have been considerate of him to offer you some -- precisely because there was no requirement that he do so.

As both you and your sister-in-law are at fault, Miss Manners will address herself to your husband, and suggest that it will be easier on him if, in the future, when his sister wants to spoil him, she precedes it with a private phone call so she can provide an actual present.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother died seven years ago. Her sister, who is in her 90s, is the only family member of her generation still alive. She and my mother were not close and I have not had good relations with my aunt.

When my aunt dies, am I, as the oldest member of the next generation, obligated to send flowers or make a donation to her designated charity? If so, can I send it on behalf of her sister, my mother, even though she is deceased? Or can I simply send a short note to my cousin, with whom I am not close, offering her my sympathy?

My mother was a paragon of good manners and I feel obligated to make sure she would be represented well.

GENTLE READER: You are right to represent your mother’s feelings, rather than your own, on the death of your aunt. But the name at the bottom must be your own: Anything made to look like it comes from your deceased mother will be alarming, and might also be seen as disrespectful.

Write a letter to your cousin expressing your own condolences. Although such letters are not typically long, there will be plenty of room to include the kind words you believe your mother would have said to mark the occasion.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a male friend who is always bringing up people I don’t know: people he works with and people from his past. The content is almost always of a problem at work or a death. I have no interest in listening to such empty chatter.

He expects me to sit and joyfully listen to news about people I don’t know. Recently he got very angry when I said I didn’t want to hear about these people. He responded very angrily and loudly with, “Well, you know what? I’ll just call somebody who cares about me.” I never said I didn’t care about him; I said I didn’t want to hear about his work-related stories about strangers.

Am I wrong to not want to hear about the people he works (or worked) with or the people from his past, none of whom I know? Please help me set the conversation in a productive direction.

GENTLE READER: It is reasonable to set some boundaries to stories about people you do not know. Where that line is, however, depends not on your knowledge of the person being discussed -- you can always get to know them vicariously through these stories -- but on the nature and depth of the friendship, the amount of repetition and the level of reciprocity. In other words, does this friend listen to you in return?

Miss Manners will provide you with three ways to change the subject -- and one way not to. “Yes, you told me about that; it sounds really annoying,” is acceptable, so long as it is delivered with compassion, not impatience. “A similar thing happened to me ...” is another way out. (If your friend does not listen to your stories, you may wonder whether the friendship is worth continuing.) And finally, “You seem so upset. Let’s talk about something else to cheer you up.”

Let us agree, however, that you will not characterize news about the death of one of your friend’s acquaintances as “empty chatter.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a severe hearing loss that requires a hearing aid. Although I can hear fairly well when my aid is in use, I can only hear certain ranges.

Some friends and relatives will speak in low tones in my presence when they don’t want me to know what they are saying. Besides the fact that I find this rude when I am right there next to them, I also find it hurtful.

Should I just let this slide whenever it happens, or is there something I can say that may make them aware that this is not kind?

GENTLE READER: Such behavior is reprehensible, but it is also rude to correct another person’s manners. This limits your possible responses, as Miss Manners rejects the idea that one rudeness justifies another. (The mathematical logic behind such a trade ignores the fact that, in her eyes, one plus one equals two rude people -- which is twice as bad as one.)

Patiently ask what was said, as you could not hear it. Tiresome as this will be for you -- and your friends and relatives -- they will eventually avoid the inevitable request to repeat themselves by saving their secrets for later.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way to “invite” people to a formal event that has been converted to a virtual one in light of the pandemic?

I find myself stuck with two simultaneous feelings: the first being that a digital invite is not appropriate for some events (such as a wedding), and the other being that sending a gilded cardstock invitation with RSVP instructions is ostentatious when one is only offering a livestream, not actual hospitality.

I would not be miffed by receiving such an invite, as I would never begrudge a couple wanting to stick to tradition despite unusual circumstances, but I find myself unsure of sending one. Should the cards themselves just be in a simpler style than one might have used otherwise?

Additionally, what does one put in a wedding invitation now? “This list of parents request the honor of your presence on the internet” does not feel quite right. Would it be acceptable to print invitations with viewing instructions and URLs? Should this be a separate card in the invitation, and if so, then what information goes on the main one?

Should these be followed later by wedding announcements, or is everyone invited to view online considered to have been invited to the event?

GENTLE READER: What you have done is to convert a formal wedding into an informal one, which also has its traditions, and the invitations should reflect that.

Miss Manners hopes you are not disappointed. To her mind, these altered weddings achieve what couples always claim they want: Couples say a great deal about wanting their wedding to be personalized and memorable, and then produce the same bloated routine as nearly every other wedding. These recent backyard ceremonies, attended by only the closest intimates, surely seem more personalized and memorable to those who are able to watch from afar -- even if they weren’t given party favors.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law is having her first child. She has emailed family and friends a link to her registry for items she feels she needs for her coming baby boy.

On the list are items like new dish sets for the family, a car rooftop storage box and a very expensive baby/toddler cart that is pulled by a bicycle ($379), and things are specifically for toddlers, not babies.

Is this the new normal for baby registries? With the current economic issues happening due to COVID-19, many people cannot afford expensive purchases, especially for a baby who will not be making use of the items in the near future.

I was going to purchase some of the smaller, more affordable items, but I overheard my sister-in-law complain to my mother-in-law that only the cheap items are being purchased, and they would rather have the very expensive ones.

I was really put off by the comment, and feel that she is being very ungrateful for what has already been purchased by family and friends. I would love to be able to spend that kind of money on my own child! Should I just spend the money on an expensive item from the registry?

GENTLE READER: Only if you want to encourage greed and wreck your budget. And if you do, Miss Manners warns you to save up for when you are expected to pay this child’s college tuition.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)