DEAR MISS MANNERS: How can one respond when someone apologizes for something that really warrants an apology?

An automatic response for many people is to say, “Don’t worry about it,” “No worries” or “That’s OK.” But these responses suggest that whatever was done or whatever happened is acceptable and OK to do again.

Example: A friend’s dog peed on my shoe when I was at her house -- I was trying to leave, and was frankly really irritated (this dog has housebreaking issues). She apologized, and I unthinkingly said, “It’s OK.” My friend said, “No, it’s not OK,” and I answered, “Well, no it’s not, but I’m not holding it against you.”

How can one accept an apology in a way that acknowledges that it was owed? I can only think of, “Apology accepted,” which sounds rather stiff. Or, “Thank you for apologizing,” which sounds rather awkward in some situations. Any other suggestions?

GENTLE READER: Awkward and stiff are not things to be avoided: They are the solution to your problem.

That very discomfort underscores that offense was given -- allowing your words to be gracious without being dismissive. Miss Manners avoids the colloquial “It’s OK” for many reasons, not least of which is her desire to leave no doubt that she would indeed object to anyone’s peeing on her shoes.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a name that is very similar to other names. Having spent my entire life being called by the wrong name, I do not take offense. I simply tell people my name. Sometimes in writing.

And yet it persists. I typically try to reintroduce myself, maybe more than once, but ... it feels super awkward to shout out, “That’s not my bloody name, already!!!”

My friends and frequent acquaintances know my name, of course. But I am currently in a volunteer position in my community, and my program contact still calls me by the wrong name -- after multiple introductions, despite my subsequent efforts to try to discreetly inform them (e.g., in every signature of every email).

Suggestions on how to politely fix this, both specifically and in general? It is just disappointing to resign myself to telling people, for a lifetime, “My name is Saucer, not Soccer.” It feels like a constant confrontation. I realize in the time of COVID, this is not a bad problem.

GENTLE READER: There is, unfortunately, no wholesale solution, as the next person who mistakes your name has no way of knowing about the 4,628 who offended before.

You will therefore have to resign yourself to correcting that person with one of the self-effacing approaches with which you are so familiar.

A person who makes the same mistake after multiple corrections can be handled more sternly. Miss Manners will never condone the “bloody name” gambit, but she sees nothing improper in saying, “I volunteer here because everyone is so considerate. But please, if you could let everyone know that my name is ...”

It would be natural if the tone of each repetition revealed an increasing, though still polite, annoyance.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a business reporter for a local newspaper. I was informed that one of our local larger businesses was having a staff meeting to discuss major changes, so I decided to attend.

It took place in a large auditorium and there were about 500 people in attendance. I quietly sat in the back row and took notes. About 20 minutes into the meeting, I had enough material, so I got up to leave.

The president of the company, who was speaking at the time, apparently mistook me for one of his employees because he shouted at me, in an angry tone of voice, “Hey you! Sit down! We’re not done yet!” I ignored him and just kept walking.

Granted, I had not been invited to the meeting, though the company made no effort to keep outsiders out, either. But ignoring that aspect of it, what would have been the appropriate response on my part? Should I have ignored him as I did, or should I have said something? And if so, what?

GENTLE READER: No doubt the most satisfying solution would have been to say, “Thank you. I’m actually a local reporter and I have everything that I need,” before running for the door. It would certainly have given the company president pause.

But that only works if you are yourself innocent of any wrongdoing. A reputable reporter is expected to identify as such to the people he or she is covering -- unless the information to be obtained is accessible to the general public. When throwing a dinner party, Miss Manners may forget to lock the door each time a guest arrives. But that is not an open invitation to the neighbors.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If we are hosting a birthday party at our home for a niece or nephew, is there a polite way to suggest to the parent not to bring the biggest cake they can find?

Often times, we are left with a huge cake to fit into our fridge, which we actually don’t want once the party is over. I feel guilty for throwing it out. I get that it’s a hassle to bring home, or that they don’t want the temptation to eat it, but that’s got nothing to do with me.

I feel bad telling a parent what kind of cake to get their kid, but I have limited space in my fridge and no one in my house wants cake. Can I ask them to downsize the cake so more of it gets eaten by the guests? Or, if they must get a big one, to take the leftovers home with them?

GENTLE READER: You may not, but you may rebox what’s left at the end of the party and hand it to your brother or sister on their way out the door.

Protests that they have no place to put it should be met with a knowing, “I completely understand. It’s just that if it stays here, it’s going to get thrown out, and perhaps Liam will want another piece.” Miss Manners realizes that doing this in front of Liam will be more effective, but discourages that on the grounds of humanity.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The day after my father’s funeral, a friend who had been in attendance called me on the telephone. She proceeded to ask, “So, do you think your mother will start dating?”

I was appalled, and replied, “I really don’t want to think about that.” She then scolded me with, “You can’t be like that. It’s your mother’s life and you have to be supportive!” I said firmly, “My father has just died.” She replied, “Too soon?” She said the last in a tone that suggested she felt her question was perfectly reasonable.

Was I too sensitive? Are such questions appropriate under these circumstances? I feel that I know the answer, but I would like Miss Manners to share her thoughts all the same.

GENTLE READER: Her chief thought is that you must protect your mother against such a person. The very callousness of those Get Over It types means that they are likely to be persistent.

Miss Manners should not have to bolster your sense that such a suggestion is outrageous to the newly bereaved -- as it is to yourself, in suggesting that you are acting against your mother’s best interests -- and nosy ever after.

But you will have to be stern about making that clear by saying, “My mother is in mourning, as am I. If you cannot accept that, I beg you to refrain from upsetting us.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of my dinner guests, after eating chicken piccata, rice, broccoli and salad, stated: “I couldn’t eat here every night or I would gain so much weight!“

I said, “I don’t think so,” and he stated, “I’m just making conversation.” What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That he is not likely to make such a remark again. One way to stop a careless remark is to take it at face value.

But you and Miss Manners both know that what your guest meant was not that your food is fattening, but that it is so good that he would not be able to control himself. So don’t be too hard on him.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I wondered what the proper etiquette is for mask wearing and placement at an outdoor sit-down restaurant.

We saw couples wearing no masks at all, which seemed rude to the staff and risky to the diners. We also saw couples wearing masks the whole time, lifting them up only to take food or drink, but that seemed impractical.

I want to be able to tuck my mask out of the way when eating and talking with my in-bubble quarantine companion, but have it ready to go when waitstaff come by. What do you recommend?

GENTLE READER: Consider that rather than adding a problem, this situation has removed the problem of whether you should wear a tie. (All right, you wouldn’t have anyway, but for the sake of argument.) While you are eating or drinking, your mask should be worn around your neck. That way you can pull it up quickly when needed, instead of rummaging around wherever you left it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)