GENTLE READERS: Labor Day, for Miss Manners, comes with the laborious task of facing indignant messages from those who object to this holiday’s also marking the end of the white shoe season.

Why they get so worked up bewilders her. It doesn’t seem to make any impression that she keeps suggesting that anyone who wants to break a rule should find one that is more fun to break.

Concluding that there is no use trying to placate these emotional objectors, Miss Manners has decided to go in the opposite direction by citing other rules they will hate:

-- Straw hats should not be worn before Easter nor after Labor Day.

-- Velvet should only be worn between Oct. 1 and March 1.

-- Fur should not be worn from March through September, and spotted furs should not be worn after dark.

-- Diamonds, rubies, emeralds and sapphires should not be worn before dark, the only exception being those that are set in engagement or wedding rings.

-- Drop earrings should not be worn during the day.

-- Ropes of pearls should be worn in odd numbers.

-- Watches should not be seen at evening social events, which is to say that a concealed watch is permissible, but an open one, such as a wristwatch, is not.

-- Jewelry should never be worn on top of gloves, unless you are royalty -- in which case it is still wrong, but you can get away with it because, despite the tabloid news, people think that everything royalty does must be correct.

There are more such rules, even some for gentlemen, but Miss Manners will now refrain from saying, “How do you like them apples?” and entertain the inevitable questions:

Q: Sez who?

A: These edicts represent the consensus of what those who cared followed, back when anybody even knew there were such rules.

Q: Who’s going to make me?

A: Nobody. So why are you so upset about it?

Q: Does anyone still actually follow these silly rules?

A: Miss Manners does.

Q: Why? They don’t make any sense.

A: Exactly.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I politely return a very thoughtful, well-intentioned gift?

I have had some ophthalmic surgeries and other procedures, which thankfully seem to be helping restore my vision at this time. A very thoughtful, caring friend gave me a gift certificate for an acupuncture treatment that she believes would help with my recovery.

How can I gently tell her that there is no way I would allow any more needles to be applied to me unless my M.D. was doing the procedure?

GENTLE READER: Ah, not so thoughtful. Prescribing medical treatment without permission, let alone without a license, is not Miss Manners’ idea of a well-intentioned present. If your friend were ill, would you give her a bottle of medicine for her birthday?

But yes, you should be polite about it. Unfortunately, it is not the sort of present you can stash away, as you will probably be asked about its effect. Nor, heaven forbid, should you regift it. You will have to tell your friend that while you appreciate her concern, you are getting professional medical care and will not be supplementing this by seeking outside treatments.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do I say to my son, who didn’t acknowledge my birthday? Mind you, I walk his dog every day!

GENTLE READER: Attach a balloon to the dog with a note that reads, “Wish your mother a happy birthday.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am not good at winding spaghetti on a fork. Is it gauche to discreetly cut it with a fork when eating it?

GENTLE READER: How discreetly? Cutting spaghetti can lead to other problems, like wandering pieces of different lengths that stick out and don’t quite adhere to the fork. Instead, Miss Manners suggests that you use this time of minimal socialization to practice winding small amounts at a time.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last week, I visited my brother and his wife. They have two boys, aged 10 and 13. They kindly bought everyone dinner -- pizza and wings, nothing formal or fancy. Just a nice little family get-together with the kids.

My sister-in-law, instead of providing us all with paper napkins, gave everyone either a washcloth or a clean, but formerly used, cloth diaper. And I didn’t even get my own cloth diaper -- I had to share one with my son (also 10)!

It’s fine if she wants to save paper, and fine if she wants to use these for napkins when company is not present -- but even for an informal meal such as this, was her choice of napkins inappropriate?

My mother has bought them lovely cloth napkins in the past, but they never get used.

I really didn’t want to wipe my mouth with a cloth diaper. What should my appropriate response have been? And how can I avoid this in the future?

GENTLE READER: Bring your sister-in-law a hostess present: more napkins. “I noticed that you ran out of napkins last time, so I thought you might like these.” Miss Manners suggests that you then quickly distribute them before your hostess has the chance to protest.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When, if ever, is it appropriate to inquire into the unelaborated use of “we” in conversation? What if “we” has been invoked multiple times by the same speaker?

I gather that such usage by an acquaintance (and on more than one occasion, a longtime colleague) is usually meant to conceal details, but not hide the existence of a close personal relationship, particularly when the speaker is not certain the liaison would be acceptable to the hearer.

Since I would only inquire in order to make the conversation friendlier or our acquaintance closer -- for example, inviting “them” to a cocktail party or encouraging the speaker to be more expansive about the trip “they’ve” just taken -- could I ask about “we”? Depending on the circumstances, would it be acceptable to ask something like, “Are you traveling with a friend?” or “You just mentioned ‘we’ -- do you have a partner?”

GENTLE READER: Certainly. Or a coy, “Who is this ‘we’ of which you speak?” if you know the person well.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband committed suicide. It has been an unbearable tragedy. Generally, I have not kept his cause of death a secret. If I have to tell a close friend, I will tell them that he took his own life. If I have to tell a business acquaintance, I’m more likely to say he died unexpectedly. In general, I don’t tell anyone the morbid details.

I recently saw an acquaintance who I’ve been friendly with, and whom I only see once or twice a month. I hadn’t seen her since this occurred. She made a small innocent joke about my husband. I paused for a moment and said, “You couldn’t have known this, but he died.” She was of course shocked, and said, “Are you kidding me?” I assured her I wasn’t and she was very apologetic.

I felt terrible, and I think she felt terrible, too. There truly wasn’t any way she could have known. But I didn’t feel that it was fair not to say something.

I’m writing to ask how I might have better handled the situation. How and when should I inform people about the situation in a considerate way?

GENTLE READER: Was there no obituary? These are helpful in spreading the news, but so are close relatives or friends. But for anyone who still did not hear about it, Miss Manners finds your wording extremely tactful. Your friend asking if this devastating news was somehow a joke, however, was not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live on a short cul-de-sac of six homes that is nestled within a larger neighborhood. My husband and I take walks several times a day.

During many of our evening walks, we see a young family with two children: One is in a stroller, and the other is about 4 or 5. On several occasions, we have walked down the cul-de-sac to our home to find this couple and their child playing basketball at the mobile hoop that is set up outside on the street.

These people do not live on this street and, to my knowledge, are not friendly with anyone who does. Am I being irritated for no reason, or is this rude behavior?

They seem nice, but I just can’t believe that they actually bring a basketball on their walks so that they can play with someone else’s equipment. I guess I thought that’s what public playgrounds and parks were for.

GENTLE READER: Strike up a conversation -- then they will no longer be strangers. In the current climate, Miss Manners is inclined to be indulgent about sharing even semi-public facilities, when options are so limited. As long as the family is respectful of the equipment and cleans up after themselves, it would be kind to let them use it without fuss. If it becomes the site for a birthday party or family reunion, however, you may politely step in and inform them that it is private property.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We bought a tabletop patio heater for a friend. Should we assemble it before we give it to them, or leave it in the box?

GENTLE READER: The latter. It is much harder to return the assembled version if you find that your friend prefers the tabletop cold.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)