DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband committed suicide. It has been an unbearable tragedy. Generally, I have not kept his cause of death a secret. If I have to tell a close friend, I will tell them that he took his own life. If I have to tell a business acquaintance, I’m more likely to say he died unexpectedly. In general, I don’t tell anyone the morbid details.

I recently saw an acquaintance who I’ve been friendly with, and whom I only see once or twice a month. I hadn’t seen her since this occurred. She made a small innocent joke about my husband. I paused for a moment and said, “You couldn’t have known this, but he died.” She was of course shocked, and said, “Are you kidding me?” I assured her I wasn’t and she was very apologetic.

I felt terrible, and I think she felt terrible, too. There truly wasn’t any way she could have known. But I didn’t feel that it was fair not to say something.

I’m writing to ask how I might have better handled the situation. How and when should I inform people about the situation in a considerate way?

GENTLE READER: Was there no obituary? These are helpful in spreading the news, but so are close relatives or friends. But for anyone who still did not hear about it, Miss Manners finds your wording extremely tactful. Your friend asking if this devastating news was somehow a joke, however, was not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live on a short cul-de-sac of six homes that is nestled within a larger neighborhood. My husband and I take walks several times a day.

During many of our evening walks, we see a young family with two children: One is in a stroller, and the other is about 4 or 5. On several occasions, we have walked down the cul-de-sac to our home to find this couple and their child playing basketball at the mobile hoop that is set up outside on the street.

These people do not live on this street and, to my knowledge, are not friendly with anyone who does. Am I being irritated for no reason, or is this rude behavior?

They seem nice, but I just can’t believe that they actually bring a basketball on their walks so that they can play with someone else’s equipment. I guess I thought that’s what public playgrounds and parks were for.

GENTLE READER: Strike up a conversation -- then they will no longer be strangers. In the current climate, Miss Manners is inclined to be indulgent about sharing even semi-public facilities, when options are so limited. As long as the family is respectful of the equipment and cleans up after themselves, it would be kind to let them use it without fuss. If it becomes the site for a birthday party or family reunion, however, you may politely step in and inform them that it is private property.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We bought a tabletop patio heater for a friend. Should we assemble it before we give it to them, or leave it in the box?

GENTLE READER: The latter. It is much harder to return the assembled version if you find that your friend prefers the tabletop cold.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While my mom is terminally ill and under home hospice care, my siblings and I have been having trouble coming up with appropriate responses to conventional inquiries.

Close friends know what is going on. We assume that a casual “How are you?” from a colleague or acquaintance is not an invitation to open the subject, so we have been responding with the conventional “fine.” The problem is with people who were between those categories: those who might have met our mom at some time, or who might casually ask, “How are your folks?”

We don’t want people to be blindsided when she dies. Yet answering “How’s your mom?” with ”She’s dying” seems a little harsh, and “She’s under hospice care” seems to give too much information.

Would “She’s gravely ill” be appropriate? We assume that we should then direct the conversation into neutral channels so we don’t overwhelm the questioner.

GENTLE READER: You are right, given the situation, not to treat this as the typical, “How are you doing?” Miss Manners does not want you to have to answer questions, six months later, about what you meant when you said your mother was “fine.”

The honest -- and proper -- response is, “Thank you for asking. She is not doing well.” Your demeanor -- including how quickly you change the subject -- will cue the astute listener not to ask the obvious follow-up question. Even the less-than-astute listener will grasp the implications of the follow-up answer: “She’s in hospice care.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We received an invitation several months ago to the wedding of a close family friend, which was supposed to take place in the spring. We sent our regrets, as we had a conflict with the wedding date.

Flash forward, and the wedding has been postponed due to social distancing regulations. We’ve learned from family members who originally sent their acceptances that they have received new invitations to a new wedding date later this year. Those who had originally declined, however, have not received invitations to the new date.

I don’t begrudge the bride and groom in the slightest, as this is unfortunate all around. But it did make me wonder: Does etiquette have a guideline for who gets invited to a postponed party? Should all original invitees receive a new invitation, especially those who couldn’t originally attend due to a date conflict? Or should only those who originally accepted be invited the second time around?

GENTLE READER: Accepting (or declining) an invitation is not, Miss Manners frequently reminds everyone, a conditional act. “I won’t come unless you uninvite my ex-husband,” ”I’ll come if I can bring my own food” and “I can’t come because I have a hair appointment that day” are all improper, if not equally so.

The happy couple are therefore within their rights not to reissue invitations that were previously declined merely because the date, the location and the entree (though not, perhaps, the bridegroom) have changed. This does not, however, inoculate them against the unpleasantness that will follow the discovery of their change of heart, which is why starting from the beginning is often preferable.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am friendly with a neighbor in my building. I have helped him on a couple of occasions, giving him referrals to get help with legal matters, and he has helped me twice with moving heavy furniture.

I’m not interested in this man, other than to be neighborly. I am not quite sure about his intentions, and I’m trying my best to take him at his word that he’s interested only in being a friend.

However, lately, when he texts me, he says things like “Hello Beautiful,” “Hi, pretty one,” etc., which makes me extremely uncomfortable.

During the first part of the pandemic, he called me with a legal question, and somehow the conversation diverted to religion, since he expressed interest in the church I attend. He has also suggested that we go out for dinner once the quarantine is over (or “over” to the extent that we can do so safely), to which I managed to reply, “Maybe one day.”

That’s my way of saying “no,” hoping he doesn’t ask again.

What is the polite way to respond to these “niceties”? I feel disrespected when he calls me “My beautiful,” which he only seems to do when texting -- fortunately, I’ve only run into him once lately, when taking the garbage out. But I don’t know how to respond.

GENTLE READER: Men in love, or moving in that direction -- and you are right to be concerned that this is what is happening here -- do not hear “no” when told “maybe.”

It would be facile, not to mention unfair, to say they always hear “yes.” They may just hear what you actually said, which obscures the certainty in your heart.

Miss Manners hears that you do not like to say no. Few people do. But characterizing his awkward attempts at flirtation as disrespectful is not going to criminalize his actions or absolve you from clarifying your position.

Whether this is done in plain English or vague phrases is up to you. Miss Manners suggests something along the lines of, “Thank you, but I’m afraid that will not be possible; I have other commitments.”

Whether such commitments are to another gentleman or simply to your own preferences need not be stated. Should he be so crude as to ask what they are, the answer should be a firm, “They are personal commitments.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It can happen that a kindhearted and very busy faculty member promises to help a student who wishes it. It can subsequently happen that the faculty member -- not yet having delivered on the promise -- passes the student in the hall while on the way home to dinner with family.

How does the student, wishing to be a gentle person, avoid causing a sense of guilt without becoming invisible?

GENTLE READER: Having mastered the conditional, the third person and the passive voice, the student is, Miss Manners is confident, ready for a far simpler lesson: Said student has done nothing wrong and is not responsible for what said professor may (or may not) think about his own failure to make good on his promise.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)