DEAR MISS MANNERS: I enjoy hosting, and believe I do it well. I try to offer a variety of options, provide little comforts to make guests feel at home and let the wine flow.

However, I have a family member who always seems to want what is not offered. If I make a pot of coffee, they ask for an espresso; if I set out a diverse continental breakfast, they ask for eggs.

I am starting to feel insulted -- and frustrated, especially now that we have a little baby at home. I’m wondering how I can address this issue.

GENTLE READER: This relative (it’s not your spouse or child, is it?) is, Miss Manners gathers, in a category who cannot be told about nearby restaurants that accept special orders.

Well, no guest is. But with infrequent guests, you can merely say how sorry you are that you do not have what is requested, leaving silent the part about “... so take it or leave it.”

However, certain concessions should be made to frequent houseguests: asking what they generally have for breakfast, whether they have any food restrictions, and taking note, when possible, of foods they particularly enjoy. Respecting the restrictions is mandatory, and it is not necessary to fill other on-the-spot requests. But it is gracious to anticipate what would please your guests. Picky as they are, you seem to be stuck with them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our wedding was delayed because of COVID-19, and we let our guests know we’d be postponing the celebration until next year when it is (hopefully) safe. However, we decided to get married in a small video ceremony in a couple of weeks.

How should we announce the wedding to the people we invited, then disinvited, then possibly will invite again in the unspecified future? Does it change things if we still intend to have a large “first anniversary” party with the original wedding guests, to celebrate our marriage and the end of the pandemic?

How does one do this and make it clear we don’t expect any gifts for either occasion (but wouldn’t exactly turn them down, given our economic situation)?

GENTLE READER: Surely you do not expect Miss Manners to design a formal announcement that would cover this complicated, although unfortunately not uncommon, situation. The engraver’s bill would be staggering.

It is best conveyed informally, along with the hope of celebrating with them all, if possible, on your anniversary.

When or whether they send presents is not for you to dictate.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A former boss, from more than 10 years ago, revealed a cancer diagnosis to a very small circle of former colleagues by a note. There is not a lot of information about the prognosis. I heard of this information secondhand, and am saddened. Should I send a “best wishes” note?

GENTLE READER: And thus reveal that the very small circle is spreading that person’s medical information?

Yet Miss Manners is not one to discourage good wishes. You could ask the colleague from whom you heard this to pass the message to your former boss. This leaves open the opportunity to cover any indiscretion by making the message merely a friendly greeting, rather than a reaction to perhaps privileged information.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Because of COVID-19, my daughter is having a very small wedding. The newlyweds are graduate students and will be sharing a house with three other graduate students, so they will only have a bedroom and bathroom to themselves for a couple of years.

Because of this, they have no room for wedding gifts. Do we mention that to the guests, or just keep quiet?

GENTLE READER: There is no polite way to say, “Save your money; they won’t have room for all that junk.”

If a guest specifically asks, you may say that the couple will be in tight living quarters or that they enjoy other activities away from home, like traveling. Miss Manners is certain that someday they will be in a different living situation, however, and at that point will want household items. In the meantime, she suggests that you clear some space in the basement.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How would you respond to someone who says, “Could you do something for me? Please and thank you.” They think they are being polite, and I don’t want to embarrass them or hurt their feelings.

GENTLE READER: There’s a reason that the “please” comes as the request is being made and the “thank you” comes afterward. It wards off presumption -- and a foregone conclusion where none was promised.

Miss Manners is not falling for it, and neither should you. The response to it is to say in a light and teasing way, “I’m sorry. I seemed to have missed something. To what did I already agree?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’d like to give two longtime friends, as a belated wedding gift, an antique platter that I bought in the U.K. 35 years ago. (They had a family-only wedding, which is why I hadn’t fretted about not sending a gift earlier, plus I am somewhat financially limited.)

Knowing their taste, I’m sure they would like it, and it would mean a lot to me to part with something I treasure so that two people who have been kind to me could now enjoy it.

May I give it as a belated wedding gift? If not, may I give it as a “Thank you for your many kindnesses” gift? Also, is there a gracious way of saying, “Although I didn’t buy this for you, this is a meaningful gesture because I love this item”?

I don’t want to sound tacky or martyr-y, and it would genuinely make me happy to give them a little pleasure, but I’d like them to understand that I didn’t simply root out some item that I was happy to part with.

GENTLE READER: There is a difference between what you suggest and simply unloading unwanted inventory. Miss Manners suggests that you present the platter with an accompanying note that gives its history and says something charming like, “I have long treasured this antique, just as I have treasured our friendship. I thought that you and Bertram might like it as an addition to your new household as a married couple. “

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please help my spouse and me with a disagreement.

Firstly, I believe that no one should have to walk into the bathroom to use the toilet and be confronted with the leftover “markings” of the previous user. I believe that it is both bad hygiene and terrible manners to leave signs of your waste for the next user. Each person should clean up after themselves!

Secondly, the toilet brush is for cleaning the toilet with cleaning products and for getting under the seat areas, not for cleaning your leftovers markings! If you use the toilet brush for that, you are basically leaving a brush full of poop particles to fester in that little holder in your bathroom! Personally, if leftovers do not fully flush, I take a wad of toilet paper and very carefully clean the mess myself, then drop it and flush it. I am very thorough about hand-washing, so feel this is the most hygienic option.

My spouse thinks it is perfectly fine to leave the leftover markings for days, and then once in a while, take the toilet brush and clean them all out with that. He says that using toilet paper instead of the toilet brush is unhygienic!

I have decided to use separate bathrooms for now, as I am getting pretty disgusted! It was not so bad pre-COVID, but we are sharing the house 24/7 now and I cannot take it!!!

Please! Tell us both the proper etiquette for toilet cleaning -- both when and how!!

GENTLE READER: Often and thoroughly. While glancing back at one’s expulsions is a disgusting affair, it is a necessary one to determine if they have been properly jettisoned. If it’s all the same, however, Miss Manners will stop short of recommending a particular method for cleaning it, as long as it is one where no excrement remains visible or odorous in any way. She will leave you to it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a wonderful stepdaughter. She lives with her mother and spends every other weekend with us, at which time we have other family members over for dinner.

Ashley has long, fine blond hair. She is an angel at 15, but has one habit that drives me crazy: She constantly braids, then undoes, then ponytails, then undoes, then puts her hair in a messy bun -- all in the kitchen, while we are having hors d’oeuvres, or cooking and eating our meal. She does it without thinking, and I’m guessing it is a coping mechanism.

I have asked her to please stop, as it is not good manners to do so in a kitchen or dining area.

Am I being unreasonable?

GENTLE READER: By not wanting long, fine blond hairs in your hummus? Miss Manners assures you, this is reasonable. She suggests saying, “Ashley, dear, please try not to fix your hair in the kitchen. While we may well need to floss our teeth after dinner, we’d rather not do it with one of your lovely strands.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)