DEAR MISS MANNERS: During this pandemic, it is strongly suggested (and in some areas, required) that we wear masks when in public. I have seen many people ignoring this suggestion/requirement.

What is the best way to point out to them that they are endangering not only themselves, but those of us who are unfortunate enough to be near them?

GENTLE READER: They already know. Do you imagine that they have escaped hearing that masks are recommended, if not required, and why?

Miss Manners has long tried to make people understand that scofflaws do not reform when shamed by strangers. Rather, they fight back.

She supposes you could carry wrapped masks and say, “I have an extra mask if you need one.” But surely the best way to protect yourself is not to confront such people, but to move quickly away from them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was raised to believe that one should always stand up to greet anyone who was older, or in a position of authority. My conundrum is that I, a female, am much taller than my veterinarian, a female of a similar age.

I am not exceptionally tall, and she is not exceptionally diminutive, but the height difference is significant enough to make it awkward when she has to look up at me to advise me about my pets. I greatly respect her professional skills, and sincerely like her as a person.

Would it be rude to remain seated while she talks to me, so that we’re on a similar eye level, or should I keep with the protocol of standing while addressed? Of course, I could always stand up to greet her and then sit back down, if that would be better.

GENTLE READER: Have you noticed that your doctor is wearing a lab coat, even though she may not have been in a lab since graduate school? Miss Manners will get back to that.

Height is not the issue here: Your veterinarian is accustomed to dealing with patients significantly larger or smaller than herself.

The rule in social settings is that gentlemen rise to greet ladies, and the young rise to greet their elders. This is reversed in a business setting: Employees rise to greet the boss -- which in this case is you, as a client.

The lab coat is your doctor’s way of deemphasizing the fact that, in spite of having attended medical school, she works for you. She will be content with your remaining seated so long as you refrain from arguing with her advice based on something you read on iluuuuvmycat.com.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If I’ve made a donation to a charity in someone’s memory, as suggested in their obituary, and ask for the family to be notified, am I wrong to expect a thank-you note?

GENTLE READER: As a staunch opponent of treating such circumstances as chits, redeemable for more convenient benefits or services, Miss Manners takes some satisfaction in saying that you are now owed two thank-you letters: one from the charity, for tax purposes, and a second from the family.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s mother has recently begun dating a man who is a bit forward -- a bit space-invading.

One of my biggest issues is that he’ll often ask to try my drink. He’ll ask when I am caught off guard and not in a position to say “no” without seeming rude. I probably wouldn’t mind if he had been around for years, but I only just met him about six months ago, and am a bit particular about germs.

For example, at their home (which we visit every weekend or so), there will be only enough wine left for one glass. My mother-in-law, her boyfriend and my husband all insist that they don’t want it, and someone offers me the glass. I’ll eventually concede. And then he will ask for a sip, because he “just wants to try it for next time.”

Sometimes, my mother-in-law will chime in and say, “Oh, of course you can have a sip!” before I answer. This has happened 15-plus times now. I usually end up giving him a sip, but don’t really like sharing germs, especially with someone I’m not close with (though I do share with my husband).

How can I say no without being rude? This also happens when we’re out to eat, when I’ve ordered a drink and he has gotten something else. At our home, I just jump up and grab him his own glass under the pretense of insisting that he deserves it.

They’ve asked us not to visit if we’re not feeling well, so once we’re there, I can’t use the “I think I’m coming down with a cold” excuse to keep my drink to myself.

GENTLE READER: You could point out that he could come down with a lot worse.

Miss Manners is astonished to hear that the always disconcerting habit of asking to share someone’s food or drink (“No, no, I just want a bite/sip”) is surviving after what everyone has been through.

But even without that excuse, you should steel yourself to say no. In this case, you could hand him the drink saying, “Here, you finish it; I don’t want any more.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Due to the virus and my age, I am living in isolation, but a dear friend recently went out to a restaurant and brought me an order of clam linguini. It was very good, but messy.

Please advise me on how to handle getting the clams out of the shell when eating out. I’m afraid I made a mess at home by myself, so I have decided never to order clams or mussels in the future when dining with friends.

GENTLE READER: That seems too drastic a solution. What you need is a seafood fork, which is small enough to spear those critters in their shells.

You don’t actually need it at home, as no one knows you made a mess -- or wouldn’t, if you hadn’t told Miss Manners -- but you should ask for one in a restaurant if it is not supplied.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to a wedding before the pandemic broke out, and I accepted the invitation. Then when the couple found out that they would not be able to have that wedding, they decided to have one on Zoom.

Well, when it came time for the wedding, I sat in front of my computer, logged into the account and waited -- and waited and waited -- for them to start. Forty-five minutes later, still no wedding.

Now what I want to know is, do I have the right to be upset? I didn’t say anything to them because I didn’t want to ruin their special day, but I did respond “yes” to the invite and sent them a wedding card and cash.

I just thought they should have made sure we were going to be able to celebrate with them. I guess in the end, they didn’t really care if they shared the day with us at all. I’m feeling very hurt.

GENTLE READER: If you have never had a computer glitch, Miss Manners congratulates you. Everyone else has, and some may even have learned not to take others’ such problems personally.

Why would anyone, no matter how callous, cut a Zoom guest list? It is not as though it would enable them to avoid feeding you.

Please give your friends the benefit of the doubt. It would be gracious of you to express regret to the couple that you missed the wedding, and ask if they would let you see any pictures or videos of the event.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While etiquette dictates sending thank-you notes for significant gestures, such as sending flowers or bringing food to your home, is it not necessary to send thank-you notes for sympathy cards? Do you send them if there was money in the cards?

My mother just passed, and I am not familiar with how to address these issues. I have never experienced a close, personal loss before now.

GENTLE READER: Giving anything, even money, counts as a significant gesture. So does writing a thoughtful condolence letter. Those require an expression of gratitude.

Miss Manners counts a mere signature on a pre-printed sympathy card as a minimal gesture, although perhaps better than nothing. A response is optional.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)