DEAR MISS MANNERS: A family friend is on disability and Medicaid, but has not received a stimulus check and has not valued a word I have to say about it.

She always asks another family member why she has not received her check, and this person always assures her she will. We know it’s probably because of a Social Security issue, but she won’t call to find out. How to go about convincing her?

GENTLE READER: The temptation to give advice to those who don’t want it is, Miss Manners appreciates, strong. Resist.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A man I know from work, who is 36 and never married, has been dating a woman for about two months. (She is 41, but I do not know much else about her.) He has become very distressed. Apparently, they had a fight when she asked him how much money he makes, and he refused to tell her. She did not like that, and told him so.

For the rest of the weekend, she was cold and distant to him. He spent the entire time trying to “soothe her feelings.”

Another woman and I agree that this was a totally inappropriate question -- especially since they had just started dating recently. We feel that there should be a time limit before asking a question like that.

He would like to continue seeing her, but we feel that she is a gold-digger and he should just leave her behind. What is your opinion on this?

GENTLE READER: The time for such a question between uncommitted couples is, in Miss Manners’ opinion: never.

It is not unreasonable for a lady to want to know the answer before she accepts a proposal of marriage. And at that point, he can inquire about hers.

Yes, the question was rude. But whether you can convince the gentleman of this -- or should even try -- is another matter.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I broke up with my girlfriend in March. While we were together, she friended several members of my family on social media. Since our breakup, she is still friends with my family on the site.

I really don’t want her in my family business. Is it not common courtesy to unfriend your ex’s family after you break up? Is there a way I can tell her or my family to cut ties?

GENTLE READER: Prior to your breakup, the propriety of telling your girlfriend what to do (or what not to do) may have been in question. Subsequent to the breakup, it is not.

Miss Manners therefore urges you not to raise your concern with her. Family members can be asked to limit contact from their side. But if you and the lady split amicably, there is no etiquette requirement that family members take a harder line.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I regret to inform you that I am one of those persons you have repeatedly chastised for failing to ensure that generous gift-givers receive personal thank-yous -- only, please, let me explain!

I graduated this past May and received a number of congratulatory gifts, mostly checks, from relatives. I kept a list of who had sent what, so I could send out appropriate thank-you cards. I then composed said cards and drove to the post office to send off a whole bundle.

However, several months later, my grandmother informed me that her sister was irate at not having heard from me, and that several other relatives had asked if their presents had been received and/or used. It appears that the entire stack of thank-yous was somehow misplaced in the mail -- and of course, now I do not accurately remember who sent what.

I feel terrible. My relatives must now think me ungrateful and ungracious, and I do not know what I should do. If I send off new notes, will relatives think I carelessly delayed my thank-yous? Is it possible that those relatives who have not voiced their displeasure did receive their notes? Or should I not mention the lost notes at all, because relatives will not like to hear excuses?

GENTLE READER: No one likes to hear excuses, but if one must, Miss Manners would prefer a more plausible one. One letter being lost, maybe; a bundle of them? Not too believable.

You can get copies of those checks from your bank. And if you kept a list of objects, even if you threw it away, surely you could remember some?

But you do not need to convince Miss Manners if you can convince a parent to contact relatives and say, “I saw Trevor writing to you; he was so grateful, and now he is so distressed that you never received his letter.”

Failing that, just write, “I am devastated that somehow you never heard how grateful I am ...”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When writing a letter to the first lady of the United States, what is the proper salutation? Would you simply use “Dear Mrs. Washington,” or is there a more formal greeting that should be used?

GENTLE READER: Actually, that particular person preferred to be called Lady Washington. This did not go over well in a country that had just freed itself from monarchy and a class system.

Subsequently, “first lady” (and “firsts” for the rest of the family, including any pets) has come to be used as if it were a formal title -- but it is not. The president’s wife is someone upon whom we dump expectations and grant precedence, but the position has no official sanction or, for that matter, salary.

She is properly addressed as “Mrs. Washington.” The only distinction is that it need not be as “Mrs. George Washington,” as everyone knows which Mrs. Washington you mean.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was in the hospital in February, pre-pandemic. My neighbors sent me flowers. I wrote a thank-you note, but because I had a high fever, my brain was still fuzzy and I forgot to mail it.

Realizing my mistake, I rewrote the note, adding a thank-you for some masks they kindly gave us. It arrived the night that several neighbors were meeting for a socially distanced party on a large lawn.

Before the party, I had a conversation with one of the note recipients. He implied I was trying to give him anthrax, and asked if I was going to shower and wash my hands before attending the lawn party. He acted like I had put dog poop in his mailbox.

My feelings were hurt, but I’m sure he thinks he was in the right. Is this friendship over?

GENTLE READER: Well, he does sound like someone from whom you should maintain a great deal of social distance, regardless of prevailing health dangers. In addition to confusing two real but distinctive public alarms, he has jettisoned his manners.

Miss Manners recognizes the difficulty of dealing reasonably with someone who is hysterical, but perhaps you can soothe him by ignoring the insult and calmly stating that you have taken every precaution against spreading a disease you no longer have. Just do so at a great distance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband of 30 years passed in March, and due to the pandemic, I have scheduled his memorial service for the summer. His daughter, a minister living in Sweden, was to officiate.

However, when she got the obituary, she angrily told me that she will neither come nor send any writing to be read, as I failed to list his ex-wife (divorced 35 years ago) in his obituary. Of course, I had mentioned his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

Do I owe an apology? This has been an uneasy relationship for years. What is the custom?

GENTLE READER: The custom is to recount important events in the life of the deceased, and a marriage, no matter how long ago, is one of them.

Miss Manners would hope that you could put aside your reaction to the daughter’s anger enough to reflect that she is hurt that her mother’s part in the life of your husband -- the part that led to some of those descendants, after all -- was obliterated. The omission would have given the impression that you were the matriarch of that entire family.

So yes, please apologize, pleading inexperience and grief, and saying how much it would have meant to her father to have her conduct the service.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Sometimes my husband yells at me when we are having an intense discussion. It is not merely raising his voice; he always sounds very angry, and sometimes contemptuous.

I find anger very hard to deal with, and I sometimes walk out of the room. He then accuses me of rudeness. Is it?

GENTLE READER: You are in need of an exit line. Miss Manners suggests, “We’ll discuss this when you are in a better frame of mind.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)