DEAR MISS MANNERS: In this day of staying home and isolating because of the coronavirus, what is a polite way to tell people it is time for them to leave?

I am a secret introvert who enjoys people, as long as there is some kind of interesting conversation. Ordinarily, when the party dies out, the dinner with friends starts to quiet or the social drink on the patio runs out of conversation, I have always been able to pull off the “I have a headache” or “I have to get up early” excuse.

Of course, those ploys don’t work now; everyone knows I have nowhere to be in the morning, and I don’t want anyone to worry that my headache is a coronavirus symptom.

GENTLE READER: Even trusting that the company was properly vetted, and that they are starved for face-to-face socializing, Miss Manners sympathizes with you.

But you should not have been making excuses. As a guest, you are supposed to make the first signs of leaving, and should merely say how much you enjoyed yourself and that you look forward to seeing everyone again. And then you leave.

But you seem to be the host, virtual or actual, and under no circumstances are hosts supposed to cite their own need to clear the house. Fortunately, they are allowed to worry about the well-being of the guests.

Say, “Well, we’ve been so happy to see you, but I know you must be tired.” In person, the essential part is to stand up when you say it, and keep standing until they get to their feet, at which point you can graciously walk them to the door. Online, you need only wave and end the meeting.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Isn’t it proper to lift a chair instead of dragging it across the floor? That’s what my father told me. A friend doesn’t understand why the tenant below her yells up at her when she drags a chair across the floor. She calls him old and grumpy.

GENTLE READER: Thus adding insult to injury.

Miss Manners observes that you are having the wrong debate. The relevant question is, “Is it proper to annoy your neighbor?” and the answer is “No.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 90-year-old father, who has declined a bit cognitively with age, has a habit of striking up conversations with strangers. He tries to joke or make a comment in a good-natured way, but what he says can be unintentionally rude.

For example, he said, “I like to find people who look older than me” to a gentleman who was obviously at least 20 years his junior. In this particular instance, my siblings and I were caught off guard and could not come up with a suitable reply in a timely way.

What kind of response might offset the impact of my father’s inappropriate remarks without chastising my father for what he meant as a pleasant way to start a conversation?

GENTLE READER: A double job requires double smiles. Miss Manners suggests saying, “Father is a master of irony” while smiling apologetically at his target and then turning around to smile at him.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please help! We sent out 220 wedding invitations; got back 175 yeses; then the wedding venue in San Francisco shut down in March with eight days’ notice! We desperately tried to find an alternate venue without success, and ended up canceling and calling all guests to tell them it was canceled.

Fortunately, most out-of-town wedding guests were able to get airfare/hotels refunded. (No refunds for the wedding venue, caterers, etc., but we could reschedule with little additional cost.)

IF and WHEN things open, how should we handle the rescheduling? Specifically, reinvite all guests? Reinvite only those who RSVPed yes?

GENTLE READER: If the wedding is held with only immediate family present, Miss Manners suggests sending an announcement afterward, which can also serve as a pledge for a future celebration, to which all the guests should be reinvited:

Dr. Lily Jean Appletree

and

Mr. Conrad Mark Simpkins

announce their marriage

on Thursday, June 25

Superior Court

Reception to follow when possible

The letters of thanks for the presents already received should make it clear that nothing more is warranted: “Conrad and I were so dismayed that we weren’t able to have the ceremony with everybody there. We do hope that we will see you at the reception when it is rescheduled. In the meantime, thank you for the handsome antique pie slicer. We have been testing out many and various different pies to see which one it slices best. I say cherry.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My dear mother’s death is sadly approaching, and it will be up to me to write her obituary.

I know that “she was preceded in death by her husband, (insert Dad’s name)” is the first thing to add after the date she passed. Then comes the trouble spot for me: “She is survived by ...” Do I include daughters/sons-in-law? How about nieces/nephews-in-law? Both my brother and sister are married, but I am not. There are no big rifts in our family right now, so I don’t want to cause one.

What would be the correct wording? “She is survived by her son, Abelard, and his wife, Heloise”? “She is survived by her son, Abelard, and daughter-in-law, Heloise”? Please note that Heloise is easily offended, which is certainly not what I want when this sad time arrives.

GENTLE READER: The proper wording is to list pertinent family members in relation to the deceased. In this case, it would be, “She is survived by her son, Abelard, and daughter-in-law, Heloise.” Unfortunately, Miss Manners is afraid that if Heloise is prone to being offended, she will likely find cause no matter how you phrase it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When leaving the house, am I under an obligation to “look good”?

I’ve had family tell me to cover my head during a bad hair day because “you can’t go out with your hair like that,” or to throw out clothing with minor flaws because “that’s the way you are supposed to do it.”

I find rather offensive the idea that I should wear a hat so that persons on the street don’t have to look at my “ugly hairdo,” and it is extremely wasteful to throw away clothing merely because a thread caught on something and it created a tiny hole. (My budget also won’t allow for this.)

Am I under an obligation to give strangers something nice to look at when I am out running errands, or am I allowed to stick to the standards of “my clothing is decent, and is daywear” and “I washed and brushed my hair”?

GENTLE READER: Standards have lowered considerably, particularly of late, and what is considered acceptable has changed dramatically. Doubts about pants-wearing on video calls has made suspicion rampant. The wearing of them in public is a bare minimum.

Miss Manners personally likes to do better, but she also agrees that as long as basic hygiene is being observed and certain body parts are covered, your family should back off. Subjective opinions about what constitutes an attractive hairdo are hurtful, and likely never to be satisfied, anyway.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While separating photographs after a divorce from my wife, I have run across some pictures of relatives’ and friends’ weddings. Is there any protocol for what to do with the photos?

In some cases, the marriages have broken up, so I assume that I can just dispose of these photos, correct? I will send my ex-wife any photos containing her and her family, but nothing that includes photos of my family.

Is this the right way to go? We don’t live in the same area anymore and our families were never close.

I would also be interested to hear what you think should be done with family photos that include me, my ex-wife and our children. Should they just go to the children? I am in a new, committed relationship, and I do not wish to have any photos of my ex for any reason.

GENTLE READER: Old, unwanted photographs should go to any pertinent parties who would welcome them -- and with whom giving them away would not start a fight or reopen hurt feelings.

Your methods are fine. Ask your ex-wife and children if they would like their pictures. No explanation necessary -- it will be obvious why -- or just say that you were going through old things. And ask old friends and relatives with whom you are close if they would like theirs.

Tidying up one’s home and not offending its members are two worthwhile pursuits. Miss Manners just urges you to be cautious that you are not offending any extended members in the process.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)