DEAR MISS MANNERS: Traditionally in our company, when co-workers are leaving, we all sign a card, get a gift and take said co-worker out to lunch as a team. But amid quarantine, with us all working from home, what would be the appropriate protocol to celebrate our co-worker before her last day?

GENTLE READER: A luncheon.

It was always the employer’s responsibility to honor a retiring employee with a laudatory party, but some years ago, many refused to spend the money, leaving the remaining employees to supply both the appreciation and the expense. Miss Manners always thought it a disgrace to shift the obligation of recognizing service to the retiree’s colleagues.

But at least it won’t cost you anything, as the luncheon will, of course, be virtual.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I had been in my brand-new home for less than a year, I was excited to welcome occasional guests. While most were a delight, a few surprised me.

On one occasion, some adult guests left barefoot footprints on the wall -- not very dark; it must have been from oils in the skin.

The other guest that surprised me was a 20-year-old extended family member, who tied my guest room drapes and sheers into large knots! The window coverings are brand-new, and I had just completed pressing and hanging them prior to the visit.

I was astonished, and asked her why she had done this. She replied weakly that she likes to do that for more light. The panels are on the side of the window (not blocking any light), and the sheers are voile, which creates a lovely light. In addition, there is a large two-way lamp on the bed stand, and the ceiling is filled with pot lights.

After she left, we spent an entire day taking the drapes and sheers down, and rewashing and ironing them all. I know she is immature and meant no harm, and the footprint gang was probably relaxing and may not have even known they left prints. But I do not want to risk any more mistreatment of my house.

I have no problem making it crystal clear to the young woman that next time, there will be no tying of draperies. But I don’t see a clear plan of action for the footprint gang.

I will probably be asked to host again in the future, which I would be glad to do if I could be sure they would not do something like this. We worked hard and waited a long time to have a nice house -- including the love and laughter of friends.

Is there any solution for me? I understand accidents. But these non-accidents, not so much.

GENTLE READER: Here is what Miss Manners does not understand: How did those adults leave footprints on the wall?

Had they been watching old Fred Astaire-Ginger Rogers movies, and were trying to dance up to your ceiling? (You may have to ask your guests that question, if you can do so with a tone of fond amusement, showing no irritation.)

You do seem to have had unusually active guests. Still, all hosts must face the fact that guests will cause a certain amount of wear, and that any damage beyond that must be addressed tactfully. That means that past problems may be mentioned to repeat guests: “Remember, you can have light here without wrinkling the curtains.” And perhaps a cheerfully delivered, “Remember, no dancing on the walls.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a tight-knit community comprised of mostly seniors, with about 20 homes on a street that ends in cul-de-sac. It’s the sort of community where neighbors look in on one another and take care of each other, and where very little goes unnoticed.

A good friend who lives several houses away phoned to say that he was sick with what he suspected was the flu, and that he needed help. Due to the possibility of COVID-19, I did as much as I could without actually entering his house, including leaving food and medicine on his doorstep.

When his health did not improve, I felt it was necessary to call an ambulance, which arrived with sirens blaring and lights flashing, drawing the attention of everyone in the vicinity. He was taken to the hospital, where he luckily tested negative for COVID-19, but he had suffered a small stroke, all of which he recounted to me.

My neighbors, of course, were anxious to know what had happened and descended on me for answers, and I told them what I knew. When I spoke to my friend in the hospital later, he told me that he appreciated my help, that it had been all right to tell people that he had tested negative for the virus, but that I should not have disclosed the fact that he’d had a stroke.

Now that my friend is in rehab, people are asking me about his condition, putting me in an awkward position. What should I do from now on without either violating my friend’s privacy or embarrassing those who are expressing concern?

By the way, I did not sign on to be a press secretary, particularly one doing a bad job!

GENTLE READER: Having cared for your neighbor in these crises, you can honorably resign. If he is well enough to criticize, Miss Manners would consider him well enough to take charge of his health reports, or to designate someone else to do so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My insurance company requested that I call, in order to go over the medications I’ve been taking. When I did so, I’d expected to talk to a person. Instead, I was ensnared in a phone tree commanded by a robotic but subtly female voice I’ll call the Robot Lady.

The first question came, and I was told to answer with either “Yes” or “No, thanks.” I simply said “No” and the Robot Lady replied, “I didn’t quite get that.” I tried again, with the same response. When I finally said “No, thanks,” the Robot Lady proceeded to the next question.

Are we required to be polite to mindless robots? And are the mindless robots being impolite in refusing a simple “no”? Should I start getting chummy with the ATM machine?

GENTLE READER: Apparently even the robots are feeling offended at being addressed as “Hey.” Miss Manners has complained about that, too, as she believes it to be creating bad habits.

But she is not ready to welcome your Robot Lady into the etiquette instruction business. She should not be pointing out the omissions of others, but if she does, she should go the whole way and require “Yes, please,” as well as “No, thank you.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 55 years old and have always used the word “they” to refer to multiple persons. It is how my brain is programmed.

Even as a youth, I thought there should be a word for a singular person without specifying gender, but as there wasn’t one, I abided by using “he,” ”one,” “sir” or “madam.” “They” was reserved for multiple persons, and was being misused if referring to a single person.

Currently, “they” is used when one does not know the person’s gender or prefers not to use it. I find it confusing to follow, because my mind automatically translates “they” to mean multiple persons. My adult daughter told me to adjust my brain, because this is now the acceptable usage of “they.”

I have come across “zim,” meaning “him/her.” I could easily adjust to using “zim,” as it remains clear that one person is referenced. But along with zim, there are “sie,” “em,” “ver” and “ter.” It seems one word has yet to be chosen. Are we stuck using “they”?

I’d rather be grammatically incorrect than offend someone. Please advise me on how to use pronouns so as to be properly understood and not offend.

GENTLE READER: It is indeed grammatically confusing. Miss Manners takes personal responsibility for not getting ahead of this problem before it made it to the dictionary and got away from her.

But it seems that the singular “they” has taken hold, and we all must adjust our brains. Her only helpful suggestion is that before launching into any lengthy stories that involve a person who uses the pronoun, you give fair warning -- as in, “Tee identifies as ‘they’” -- lest you find yourself lost in a “Who’s on First?” of questioning: “Who was at the store when it got robbed?” “They were.” “But I thought you said Tee was alone.” “They were.” “Who were?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I Googled several of my co-workers out of curiosity to see what, if anything, might come up, and I found that one of them has a criminal record. Apparently he had a substance abuse problem that resulted in an assault charge.

It was 25 years ago, but I don’t think people like that change. So I let everyone else in the office know.

My boss told me that the office has a zero-tolerance policy for “malicious gossip” and that if I ever did something like that again, I would be fired.

She knows that I’m a Christian, so she asked me what the Bible says about gossip. I thought that was totally uncalled for, and maybe even religious discrimination. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. How should I handle this?

GENTLE READER: Perhaps your boss should not have invoked your religion, but do you really want to get into an HR war about which offense was the greatest?

In the end, your boss was showing more faith in you than you did in your co-worker -- by giving you a second chance. Miss Manners recommends that you take it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)