DEAR MISS MANNERS: My household had the misfortune of becoming ill with COVID-19. We also had the good fortune of surviving it.

Two of its members became considerably ill for some time, and we were under quarantine for 32 days. Thankfully, friends and some relatives kept us fed by dropping off groceries and meals on our doorstep throughout the month.

We are now one week past quarantine. People are still generally treating us like we are contagious (I am not saying that I blame them), so I’ve tried to be sensitive to this and have waited to send out thank-you notes to all of the kind people who helped feed us while we were sick. I was discussing this with a close family member and trying to get an idea of how long he thought I should wait. It seems like two months is too long, but I thought it might take that long before people trusted something coming from my house.

He was very frank with me and told me that he didn’t think I should bother sending any thank-you notes through the mail at all. He felt I should only communicate my gratefulness electronically, because in his opinion, people will probably be uncomfortable about getting anything from me for many, many more months.

This seems sad. I know that COVID-19 has frightened people terribly. But it just seems wrong to thank people through email or text message when they were so generous and kind when my family was ill. However, the last thing I want to do is make these people feel uncomfortable. What does Miss Manners suggest I do?

GENTLE READER: Although there does not seem to be evidence that the virus can be transmitted through the mail, Miss Manners acknowledges that your benefactors might nevertheless be jumpy. But she also agrees that a casual text or email is not a sufficient response to life-sustaining kindness.

Paying a call in person was once the highly formal way of giving thanks: You would write “p.r.” -- the French abbreviation of “to thank” (“pour remercier”) -- in the corner of your calling card.

Now, Miss Manners is no more suggesting that you scare people by popping up at their doors than that you thank them in French. But you can arrange a virtual visit in which to express your profound thanks.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am supposed to be having my bridal shower this summer. I am trying to have a backup plan, just in case I can’t. I don’t plan on sending my invites out until a month before, but at that time, I will want to know whether I will have it or not.

So I was wondering: What do you think I should send people if I don’t have it, and how I should word it? Also, some people know we have registered, so should I mention it’s optional to get us a gift and send the registry info with it?

GENTLE READER: Consider yourself saved from the pathos of throwing your own bridal shower. That is an event that a bride’s devoted friends may decide that they want to give her.

And while it is always wrong to solicit presents, Miss Manners considers this a particularly inopportune time to do so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A longtime friend stayed with me for two days, part of which time was spent alone in my home. Shortly after he left, three fraudulent charges were flagged by my credit card company in the small country of his origin.

It is a huge coincidence. I suspect my friend obtained my credit card information and forwarded it to contacts in that country. The amounts were less than $100 each and were taken care of by the credit card company, but my suspicion remains.

How can I deal with the situation so that the friendship remains as trusting as before?

GENTLE READER: Sorry, but which part was the huge coincidence? That your friend had contacts in his country and that he also knew how to reach them?

Miss Manners hates to ruin a friendship, but she is hard-pressed to find a plausible explanation for this -- or a reason that you would trust him in the future.

Still, you could try: “I don’t know how this happened, but somehow there were charges from Liechtenstein on my card, and I’ve never been there. Someone must have mistaken my credit information for yours. Perhaps you can help me figure out what happened -- and make recommendations for how to fix it the next time you stay.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a college professor, and consider it important to treat all of my students with respect and proper etiquette. Because I cannot always correctly guess someone’s gender from their name or appearance, I ask students to write down their gender, along with other information such as nicknames and why they are taking the class, at the beginning of the semester so I can use the correct pronouns.

One student indicated “gender-neutral” and expressed a preference for being referred to by gender-neutral pronouns (ze, zir, etc.), which I am happy to do. But how do I greet the group of students at the beginning of class? Normally, I would say “ladies and gentlemen,” but I do not wish to exclude this student or to call undue attention to zir by adding a third option. What would you recommend?

GENTLE READER: “Good morning.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s ex-wife and I are very good friends. We took our four ”shared” grandchildren, along with two of my other grandchildren, to a farm with many activities. Since this was in my town (we live 30 minutes from each other), I ran into several people I knew. I introduced her as my good friend who happens to be my husband’s ex-wife.

Most people comment that this is great that we can get along so well. Is there a better/different way I could have introduced her?

GENTLE READER: Why bother, if that one is working? Miss Manners finds this relationship delightful -- as do, it seems, most of your other friends. If there is any confusion or disbelief, it is probably only surprise, admiration and perhaps a bit of wonder that you two get along so well.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In these days of COVID-19, and forever hence, may I offer individuals with overt symptoms of sickness (coughing, sneezing, etc.) a spare face mask?

I’ve always been charmed by the ethos of some cultures in Asia, where individuals don them automatically. Over the years, I’ve stewed in silence, particularly trapped on airplanes, while an individual clearly continues to exhibit symptoms of sickness. I usually carry a mask or two for myself, but they are so much more effective in preventing the transmission of germs from the source, rather than shielding one from them.

One can never tell who might be immunocompromised from medical conditions or treatments. So, can I politely say, “I happen to have a spare mask. May I offer it to you?”

GENTLE READER: Do you mean, is the surgical mask this century’s handkerchief?

It could well be, but only as long as we pay careful attention to the ever-changing protocols. (It is your “forever hence” that gives Miss Manners pause.)

Even a short time ago, your generosity might have been perceived as an accusation: that the person in question was obviously sick and not being mindful of others. As this is being written, however, most would see it as a much-coveted offering, on a level with toilet paper and facial tissue in value.

As your intention could still fall into the former category, Miss Manners suggests that you choose your phrasing carefully. Yours is not bad, but she suggests that the intonation make it clear that you would offer it to anybody -- and are not targeting this particular person based on age or perceived condition. Even if this is not, in fact, the case.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was having a telephone conversation with my lady friend (she is 42, I am 52, and we are on a trajectory towards a committed relationship). Shortly into the conversation, she mentioned that she was going through some papers; shortly after that, one of them caught her attention.

Then I heard her get up and start another activity, and I told her that I would like her full attention for a moment. She said nothing, but went on to do two more activities that she mentioned, at which point I repeated my request and she got testy.

I was taught that presence and being “in the moment” were important -- on the phone as well as in person -- and that multitasking was rude. I understand that we don’t all hold to the same standards, but I certainly think it is wrong to continue to multitask when the person you are speaking with has said that they would prefer your full attention.

This is a long way of asking your views of multitasking on the phone while speaking to an intimate friend during courtship.

GENTLE READER: “It seems that I have caught you at a bad time. Please let me know when you are done filing your taxes and I will give you a call back then.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)