DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been dating a widower for two years. We have both said we are happier with each other than we’ve ever been with anyone else, and that at some point, we will marry.

When we are in public or with friends, he refers to his late wife as his wife. It makes me uncomfortable, and the people he’s talking to always look at me in shock. My boyfriend doesn’t notice this.

Is this appropriate? Should he refer to her as his late wife, or am I being thin-skinned?

GENTLE READER: That the gentleman has not noticed the reaction of others gives Miss Manners hope that the slight is unintended. And it supplies a solution: Describe to him what is happening, and say that, while you know he loved her very much, it will be easier on your friends if, in future, he describes her as his late wife.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work overseas, far from family and friends. When I talk to my oldest friend (we are both in our late 50s), she says she is lonely because she has no friends.

I was a housewife in a very small town for many years, and then earned two degrees in order to work abroad. She earned her degree immediately after high school and has worked and lived in a large, exciting city for over 30 years.

When she says she has no friends, I feel guilty. She thinks I live an exciting life but in fact, I live a routine life, just as she does. She actually does have a few friends, but all but one live outside her city.

I feel like she has made choices that have caused this relative isolation, but I don’t know how to say this. I also think she is feeling sorry for herself. What is the best way to react?

GENTLE READER: A friend listens. What you do next depends upon what you hear. If she is expressing despair, action may be required. If it is casual self-pity that has become habitual, it is time to change the subject. Miss Manners does not see that guilt serves any purpose, either for you or for your friend.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wedding gifts to relatives have gone unthanked most of the time. I am wondering what Miss Manners thinks of this proposal: Since wedding invitations now include a stamped, preaddressed envelope for return of the RSVP, perhaps the gift-giver might include a pre-thanked, pre-stamped, preaddressed note in the gift box. All the bride or groom need do is sign it.

GENTLE READER: Your presumably facetious solution is, in fact, being put into practice by modern couples. Whether that is a good thing depends on what you hope to accomplish.

If it is increased efficiency, that mantra of modern life, Miss Manners can do you one better: Skip the wedding, the cake and the gift. If it is to demonstrate to the gift-giver that the bride and bridegroom are grateful, there are gracious solutions.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Often, when I’m with acquaintances who have no medical expertise, I find that one person will offer health advice to another with a complaint or recent diagnosis. This advice is inappropriate at best, potentially harmful at worst. For example, “You should take three ibuprofen every four hours; that’s what the doctor told my husband for his knee” -- the husband in question being a 250-pound man, while the advice is for a 110-pound woman with not-yet-diagnosed shoulder pain.

I don’t want to be rude and counter the person’s advice, nor do I want to seem to be privately advising the recipient to ignore the advice. What’s an appropriate comeback for inappropriate medical advice?

GENTLE READER: You do not mention your profession, but, given your objection to acquaintances practicing medicine without a license, it seems reasonable to Miss Manners to infer that you have relevant professional expertise.

If that is the case, then you will also want to avoid saying anything that puts you to work (“OK, then what is your diagnosis?”).

If you are not a doctor, you will have to be even more circumspect if you wish to avoid being accused of hypocrisy. In all cases, the correct response is, ”You might want to talk to your doctor about that.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How available does one need to be to everyone else, given that cellphones are with us almost constantly?

I’m the type of person who isn’t attached to my phone all the time; I keep the volume on low, and check it with some frequency throughout the day. My husband is seldom without his cellphone. He even has a watch that is connected to it, so he can get updates in real time on the off chance he isn’t actively looking at his phone.

I know this is becoming the norm, and part of me resents the constant connectedness of this new age. Once, when my husband couldn’t reach me for 15 minutes, I received three texts and two phone calls. When I did call him back at the end of that 15 minutes (I had been changing over the laundry and was out of hearing range from my phone), I got a tongue-lashing.

He says I need to be connected to it all the time, especially once we have children. I think he is being impatient and that he needs to take a chill pill.

GENTLE READER: There are times when your employer, friends or family can reasonably expect you to respond immediately. These include when your daughter is about to give birth, or when your patients (were you a doctor) are in need of immediate medical attention.

Employers term this being “on call,” a phrase Miss Manners finds particularly useful in its implication that the rest of the time, you are free to do your laundry or read a book. Expecting people to be perpetually on call is neither polite nor sensible.

In your own situation, Miss Manners believes that the arrival of said children will give your husband some perspective on what it feels like to have someone constantly tugging at his sleeve, demanding his attention.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband has long phone conversations with his kids, cousins and siblings -- every day. They used to be regular phone calls, then he switched to speakerphone, now it’s virtual conferences during the coronavirus crisis.

I was never a part of these calls previously, but now he feels I should be chiming in, at least for a little while. I’m an introvert, not very close to his family and uncomfortable with this new normal, even with my friends and family.

Am I being rude? Should I reach out and let them know how I feel about this?

GENTLE READER: Telling them that you don’t enjoy talking with them? Yes, that would be rude at any time. During a crisis, when families feel the need to be especially close, it would be cruel.

Could you imagine saying such a thing if they were visiting in person?

Miss Manners is not condemning you to lengthy virtual gatherings. Just pop by the monitor, ask how everyone is, and assume a look of regret when you say, “I’m afraid I have to excuse myself” -- no explanation necessary or advisable.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We moved to a new house right before shelter-in-place became the new normal. A neighbor and his family stopped by to introduce themselves and very graciously gave us a lawnmower (they had bought a new one and had no need for it).

Typically, I would send a thank-you note and bring over baked goods, but I am unsure how to navigate this, given the pandemic. Is just a thank-you note sufficient? Perhaps I could include a gift card to a local restaurant, as many around us are still ordering takeout?

Help! My indecision now has me at two weeks out, and I don’t want to delay further and miss my “thank you” window.

GENTLE READER: First, allow Miss Manners to remind you that such a window is never closed. As you know, letters of thanks should be written immediately upon receipt of a present or favor, but the need to do so never goes away.

(Sorry. She does not mean to scold you, who realizes your obligation, but she is tired of hearing from delinquent graduates and bridal couples who declare it “too late.” The later it is done, the more groveling it requires.)

In your case, it was a neighborly gesture, for which a reciprocal neighborly gesture -- those baked goods -- would have been better than sending a bought present. Perhaps you could leave them at their door, and telephone that you have done so. But this is no time to discourage helping them order their own food, if you are so inclined.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If I call in a grocery order and drive to the store to pick it up, should I tip the person who brings it to my car? He or she is probably not the person who filled the order.

GENTLE READER: No, but he or she is taking a risk to help get the order to you. If you want to add another tip, asking that person to take it to whoever did fill the order, Miss Manners would consider it gracious.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)