DEAR MISS MANNERS: I saw a wonderful show recently, but the first act was nearly ruined by a seating problem.

I settled into my seat at 7:25 with the help of an usher. During the overture, a mother and daughter arrived and sat in the two open seats on my right, about a third of the way down our row. After the show started, another mother and daughter arrived and made their way to the sole remaining seat on our row, on my left.

The woman to my right loudly hissed at me, “You’re in the wrong seat.” I ignored her. She then said, louder, “You’re in their seat.”

I replied, “My ticket is for seat 125. I’m in seat 125.” She asked what row, and I told her row E. On my left, the daughter sat in her mother’s lap for a few scenes, then they left our row for other seats close by (climbing over about a dozen people for a second time while the show was in progress).

Several people around us then started asking the woman on my right to be quiet, as did I. She replied very loudly, “Don’t tell me to be quiet.” Unfortunately, at that point, I did so again. I spent the rest of the first act dreading a confrontation at intermission.

When I have encountered seating problems like this on airplanes or in theaters, I start with the premise that I might be wrong, saying something neutral like, “It seems one of us may be in the wrong seat” or “Did they assign us both the same seat?” Rather than accusing the other person of being wrong, I leave open the possibility that I might be wrong, or that the venue has made a mistake. Being accused of being in the wrong seat, loudly and while the show was underway -- and by someone who had arrived late -- set me off.

When the lights came up at intermission, I told the woman on my right that my ticket was for E-125 and that seemed to be the seat I was sitting in. I asked her what seats her tickets were for. She summoned an usher, who happened to be the same usher who had seated me. The usher looked at my ticket and said that my seat was for the second balcony, and that I was sitting in the first balcony. I apologized to the woman on my right, and told her that this is where I had been seated by the usher. I got my things and left.

I wish that the usher or I had noticed that I was on the wrong level in the first place, or that the woman on my right and her friends had arrived before the show started. We could have sorted this out beforehand and not caused a disruption. But given the circumstances, how could I have handled this better?

GENTLE READER: By not taking Miss Manners on a journey of eight paragraphs before revealing that you were, in fact, wrong.

This does not mean that your fellow theatergoers were in the right. They should have been on time, less noisy and more polite, but those irritants made you impervious to the fact that you were holding them to a standard to which you did not hold yourself. Unfortunately, that cost you a full act, rather than a few minutes, of noisy behavior.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend calls out to you in a parking lot. You wave hello, and keep going to your destination. Is it OK just to wave to a friend when you are in a hurry? Or do you have to stop and talk?

GENTLE READER: In our current situation, you could actually be fined for it. That excuse will not last forever, however.

When things return to normal, Miss Manners assures you that as long as you make it clear that it is your schedule, and not your affection, that is in question, it will still be acceptable to keep moving. This can be accomplished by accompanying the wave with a gesture to a (real or imagined) wristwatch and a hurried, but pleasant and apologetic, facial expression. If you are able to follow up later with a phone call or email, it may quell any fears that the friendship was not worth stopping for. Unless of course, that is the actual case.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I often send texts and emails that need an answer, but I get crickets. If I’ve made a request, I’m totally fine with hearing, “Sorry, I can’t do this,” but hearing nothing puts me in a quandary.

I’m pleasant and friendly in tone, so I don’t think I’m putting people off. What’s going on here? Is this the new norm? How can I address these nonresponders?

GENTLE READER: It is endlessly annoying that people seem to find the time to regularly text pictures of goldfish that look like humans, yet somehow are unable to answer direct questions like, “Are we still on for parachuting tomorrow?”

Electronic correspondents tend to be selective in how they define “busy.” Miss Manners suggests that you try calling instead. Although she holds out little hope that this will be any more effective, it does tend to convey more urgency. She further allows you, after a reasonable amount of waiting time, to send a follow-up message that says, “Since I have not heard from you, I assume that you are no longer available,” and make other plans.

Enough rounds of this should either reform your friends -- or demonstrate that they may not be worth the correspondence.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was married for more than 50 years and have been widowed for two. I wonder how to refer to certain things and people.

We lived in “our house” and raised “our children.” I still live in the same place, and of course have the same children. But is it now “my house” or still “our house”? Are they “my children” or “our children”? Or are both acceptable?

Just because he is gone does not mean he was not an important partner and part of my life.

GENTLE READER: There must be someone in your life who thinks otherwise, and is helpfully suggesting that you “move on.”

Miss Manners gives you her permission to ignore such pressure. Indeed, the children and house were joint efforts and you may refer to them as such. You may continue to wear your wedding ring if you wish, and use your formal name (i.e., Mrs. Guiseppe McCann), if that is what you were previously called.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ll be receiving my degree soon. Since I am in a competitive field, I am applying to a lot of jobs. Naturally, some jobs are less desirable than others. I don’t want to lose any job offers I may receive, but I don’t want to accept a position if a better one comes along.

What is the proper way to postpone accepting a job offer so that it still remains a viable option, while allowing time for other potential offers? How long can I reasonably expect an offer to stay on the table?

GENTLE READER: This is a question of business etiquette, which, at least in this case, means your behavior should be businesslike: efficient, practical and honest.

You can reasonably expect a few days’ grace -- more, if your would-be employer already knows that it will require complex considerations such as negotiating with a spouse or moving to another city. Just as with salary negotiations, you are free to ask for what you want or need -- and the employer is free to reject the request or make a counter-offer.

There is no harm in explicitly saying that you are weighing it against other offers. Miss Manners warns strongly against untruths or going back on your word, but she promises not to inquire if those other offers have actually been made.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was sitting in a government office’s waiting room and a child sneezed several times without covering her mouth. Her parents did not remind her to sneeze into a tissue or her sleeve.

I was frozen between not wanting to be rude by chastising strangers, and fearing that I might catch a disease, so I said nothing.

I cannot always avoid public places. With influenza, colds and now coronavirus menacing us, what polite thing can I say to remind people how not to spread their germs?

GENTLE READER: Recent events have reminded us all of the damage that can be inflicted by infectious diseases. One can usually protect oneself in the situation you describe by moving out of range.

But your question is: At what point do we all become public health officials, who are not only allowed, but required, to override the etiquette dictate against correcting other people’s behavior?

In the situation you describe, it is possible for you, as a private citizen, to satisfy the requirements of both safety and etiquette: Say “Poor dear” and tell the parents that you would be happy to give little Norah a tissue.

Someone will no doubt correct Miss Manners, that public health is not to be trifled with by pausing to consider something as trivial as manners. She reminds that reader that etiquette is never more important than in trying times. And demanding that the family remove the sneezing child seems to her to violate another thing health professionals are telling us: Panic makes things worse.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)