DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter and her husband, who live in another state, are expecting their first child. We are so very excited for them, as they have been through extensive fertility treatments.

Plans were made to hold a shower, and invitations were printed. Then the severity of the virus outbreak became clear.

My question is whether we should still send the invites but include a note indicating the shower may or may not be held virtually (we are still trying to figure out logistics). Or do we just not send them at all, and cancel any shower plans? We want to be sensitive to this situation while balancing our excitement for the parents.

GENTLE READER: Then do not send them, and do not send an online version. You have been spared from committing the error of throwing a shower for your own daughter.

But aside from that stiff rule, which is so commonly disobeyed, Miss Manners cannot imagine that you think this is a good time to ask others to shop for your family. Surely you understand that they have their own pressing needs and concerns.

That does not mean that others may not be happy for you, if you tell them the good news. But can’t you just tell them, with a message or a call, without setting them up to do anything in return except to offer their congratulations?

If you have already done that, you will have another opportunity to share your excitement when the baby is born and birth announcements are made. Perhaps by then, people will be able to pay the new baby a visit. Some of them might even be able to pick up some knitted bootees to take along.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a man who has been very thin all of my life, and I’m curious as to why people will make weight comments to me, although they wouldn’t consider making a weight comment to an overweight person.

When I met an acquaintance I hadn’t seen for some time, before even saying “Hello,” she commented, “Have you lost weight?”

I fought the urge to say, “No; have you gained weight?” and instead just replied “No.” Can you think of a better response?

GENTLE READER: “Why? Have you found some?”

Miss Manners is amazed that you believe that overweight people escape similar persecution. But then, they tend to believe that you do.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is set to graduate from a preeminent university. I purchased announcements and have them all set to mail, but COVID-19 has wreaked havoc on so many people and plans. May I still send them out, even though official commencement ceremonies are postponed? How do I address the date change?

GENTLE READER: Can you peel off the stamps and reuse them?

As these are announcements, not invitations to attend the ceremony, no one will be inconvenienced by the postponement, however disappointing it is to you and your son.

If he is given a new date, you can write that in by hand, and Miss Manners trusts that everyone will immediately realize the reason.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A year ago, a paper of mine was chosen for publication in my college’s undergraduate research journal, but publication was postponed until the fall issue due to a “heavy workload.” I told the publication office that I was graduating in June, and gave them my address so that they could send me the fall issue with my article once it was published.

In early December, I asked when I should expect to receive it. The response, two days later, was that “due to leadership changes and executive decisions in between school years,” my article was postponed until the winter issue, and that I would receive a copy in the mail once it was published.

In March, I received an invitation to the launch party for the winter issue, which finally includes my article. I responded that I would be unable to attend, since I already graduated and am no longer in the area. Even though they already had my address, I gave it to them again just in case.

Then came the shelter-in-place orders in my state due to coronavirus, with college students being asked to leave campus. I know this must be a stressful time for all college students. But since responding to the invitation, I have heard no response nor received my copy in the mail.

With the pandemic going on, would it be selfish of me to ask them when I can expect my copy? I don’t want to come across as insensitive, but also feel that they have treated me quite poorly throughout this whole process. It seems as if they should have had plenty of time to mail my copy, since they already had my address and had repeatedly promised to do so.

GENTLE READER: As you are well aware, the issue was finished before the pandemic shut things down. But as you have also noticed, it now looks heartless to complain about any nonemergency work that did not get done.

Miss Manners suspects that a side effect of the pandemic will be the use of this all-purpose excuse in matters that are entirely unrelated to the crisis. Obligations that should have been met, or still could be, will be swept in with lapses that were serious and unavoidable.

So you needn’t feel selfish about asking. But now you may encounter a real excuse: lack of access to the office where the issues are kept. A restrained reminder would be best, asking how or when you can obtain the journal, as you did not receive it when it was published last year.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If a person is a “Jr.,” do they continue to use “Jr.” after the “Sr.” has died?

GENTLE READER: The rule is that when the first who is so named dies, everyone moves up. “Junior” is dropped, unless there is a III, who would then become Junior.

The exception is when the original name-holder is so distinguished that there might be confusion. If George Washington had had a son with the same name -- he did not -- the son would have continued to be G.W. Jr. even after his father’s death.

But as all good sons believe their fathers to be distinguished, many, if not most, of them continue to use Junior.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have been married for seven years; he is from a rural, white, homogenous community, and my family are immigrants from Southeast Asia. I’m struggling with an issue with my in-laws: They still, after all these years, claim they cannot remember or pronounce the names of my family members. Every visit is peppered with, “What’s your sister’s name again?” “Help me with your dad’s name?”

This is exhausting. I already allow them to call me by a shortened, anglicized version of my name for their convenience, and I fear losing my temper the next time they need help with a name in my small immediate family.

GENTLE READER: Send them a primer. Before the next visit, Miss Manners suggests that you type out the names, as well as phonetic pronunciations, of your family members.

That way, the next time they ask, you may good-naturedly tell them, “Now, Karleeygh, you know we went over this. I sent you all of the names before, remember? It would mean so much to us if you pronounced them correctly. They’ve worked so hard on learning to pronounce yours.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Twenty years ago, I introduced two of my dear friends to each other, and they immediately fell in love. Within a year, they were married, all the while expressing their gratitude to me for bringing them together.

During their engagement and the early part of their marriage, we spent much happy time together. Being an amateur videographer, I recorded a lot of this, resulting in a very detailed video record of the period.

Unfortunately, the good times did not last, and my friends went through a bitter divorce 10 years ago. We have all drifted apart.

I have undertaken an ambitious project to convert my large number of old videotapes into updated formats, and consequently made DVD copies for my two old friends. I felt that, whatever their current situations may be, the videos were part of their life histories and that they were entitled to them. I also hoped that it might be a good way for me to reconnect with each of them.

What happened? She wrote me a short note thanking me for thinking of her, but stated that she could not watch the DVDs, while he returned his with no message whatever. Each action hurt me.

Was I wrong to have shared these memories and dredged up the past? I had hoped to reignite my friendship with each of my old friends, but now feel that I’ve been solidly identified with a period of their lives that they’d both like to forget.

GENTLE READER: Yes. The second one. While your intentions might have been good, reaching out to the ex-couple with a bitter reminder of their past was not going to make them forget that you were part of it -- even though Miss Manners understands that none of it was your fault.

If you had wanted to connect with them and also see if they were interested in the recordings, you could have said, “I have been thinking of you and would love to get together. I found some old videos that I thought you might be interested in, but perhaps you can tell me if you would like copies of them when I see you in person.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)