DEAR MISS MANNERS: Since the advent of hands-free devices for cellphones, it seems that many people feel the need to multitask or entertain themselves while they accomplish a boring task.

However, cellphones amplify background noise. While driving, one finds oneself subjected to the sounds of running water, whirling blenders, clanging dishes, talking GPS and other sounds. I don’t know how one can be a defensive driver while talking on the phone to someone who cannot see the traffic situation. Not only do these noises make the conversation unpleasant, I find it rude.

GENTLE READER: It comes as a relief to Miss Manners to discover that the boring task you refer to is driving, and not the call itself (and as a surprise that your friends have running water and blenders in their cars).

Etiquette objects to overt demonstrations that you are not listening, but cares less whether you are actually paying attention. This allows for driving or looking at your computer (preferably not both at the same time), so long as your computer does not play an audible fanfare when you win at Solitaire.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are childless. We have four adult nieces to whom we’ve given birthday, Christmas and graduation gifts over the years. Sometimes thank-you notes arrived, and other times they did not.

Three months ago, we gave them each $5,000 to assist in paying their student loans. We received two thank-you notes, but no acknowledgement from the others.

We’ve decided we are not going to continue giving gifts to adults who do not offer any gratitude.

If they offer a “thank you” when we next see them, what is the proper response? My inclination is to say, “We actually expected to hear from you at the time we sent the gift,” and, if it makes them uncomfortable, it should. My husband says we should just say nothing and stick with our plan to stop future gifts for them, so we don’t cause an issue in front of other members of the family.

GENTLE READER: Although she agrees that presents should be answered by thank-you letters -- and such major ones by major thanks -- Miss Manners prohibits public punishment of transgressors.

Withholding future presents is sufficient. A Gentle Reader does not answer one rudeness with another, and insulting someone in the act of rectifying an acknowledged mistake -- by thanking you in person -- is not merely ungracious, it is risky. What will you do if your niece reacts in horror, protesting that she did mail a thank-you letter at the time?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been widowed for three years, and I have been wondering for some time: When are the brothers and sisters of my deceased spouse no longer my in-laws? Is it at the time of my spouse’s death, at the time I remarry, or is there no change, and they will always be my in-laws?

GENTLE READER: Two out of three. Technically, Miss Manners supposes that the marriage ended with the death of your spouse, and in-laws are only in-laws as a side effect of marriage. But unless you are desperate to downsize your family, common practice recognizes such relationships as continuing in perpetuity. This requires more tact after you remarry -- although presumably your new spouse would be a person of integrity and sympathy -- and even more for those whose marriages end not in death, but in divorce.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While I was at work, a co-worker berated me loudly over an incident in our parking lot.

The lot is overcrowded, and it is quite difficult to find a spot. I had found an available space, and pulled into the (empty) oncoming lane to get a better angle into it. Then my co-worker’s car came around the corner heading in my direction. I quickly abandoned the space, and pulled back into my lane.

At the time, I didn’t think much of it, as it was not really a close call. However, in front of my co-workers, he came up and told me I nearly hit him, and kept repeating this over and over. Of course, everyone else came over to gawk at the situation. I apologized repeatedly and explained that I was just trying to park. I didn’t even mention that he was driving quite fast for a parking lot.

This situation was extremely embarrassing for me, as I am a very sensitive individual and tend to agonize over every mistake I make. I am so embarrassed that I don’t even want to go back into the office. Fortunately, he will be out of the office for the next few days, and we don’t sit near each other, but how do I handle this the next time I see him? Should I apologize again?

GENTLE READER: Parking your car was not a mistake. Careening around the corner at a high speed, yelling at you, and doing so in front of your co-workers were three, of escalating seriousness.

You may therefore be surprised when Miss Manners applauds your initial apology: It was worth trying to defuse the situation, and it would have provided an opportunity to add, “I was pulling into the space and it sounds like you came around the corner without seeing me.”

This would have alerted everyone in the office to what really happened -- something they may already surmise, given your co-worker’s subsequent behavior. One apology for a non-infraction is, however, more than enough: You should now adopt the frosty reserve of someone who has been insulted, but has chosen not to make a further issue of it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a cousin who became engaged five years ago. Since then, he and his fiancee have had two children and are co-parents to a third child from a previous marriage. They own a house and are living as a married couple in everything but legality.

Is it proper to still refer to them as “fiances”? We see them frequently enough that they come up in conversation (i.e., “We spent the weekend with my cousin, his fiancee and their children”), and it feels awkward to specify a pending union when they are so clearly united.

GENTLE READER: Your cousin, his fiancee and their children apparently have more pressing things to do than legalize their relationship. Miss Manners suspects that you do, as well.

She therefore decrees that the whole assortment will henceforth be known as “the cousins” -- as in, “We were going to go on vacation with the cousins, but they couldn’t make up their minds where they wanted to go.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As social distancing continues, my more extroverted friends are getting antsy and sending texts asking to “pop by” to drop off a homemade treat. What is the most polite way to say, “No thanks”? My old go-to was, “Oh, that is so thoughtful, but we have plans and will be out,” but that obviously won’t work anymore.

GENTLE READER: ”Oh, that is so thoughtful, but our plans now are to stay in, so we won’t be able to see you.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My elderly mother has had a stroke and multiple falls, resulting in broken bones, and is suffering from dementia. Our family wants to honor her wishes and keep her in her own home for as long as we can. This is made possible because my sister, our wonderful stepfather and myself are all actively involved in her day-to-day care. We also have the support of daily in-home help, along with regular visits from a nurse and two different therapists.

We are so grateful for this outside help: These workers are invariably kind and patient with Mom, which can be difficult, as she is stubborn and often cranky. We probably could not maintain her in-home care without them.

These outside helpers are also invariably professional -- except that they all call my mother, to her face, “darling,” “sweetheart” or “dear.” It makes me furious. In her day, Mom was a union organizer who negotiated contracts for workers all over our state. She ran political campaigns for top state elected officials, and raised three children as a single mother. To say the patronizing way they address her chafes at me is a real understatement.

I haven’t said anything to her caretakers -- yet. Part of me worries I am overreacting to a show of affection, and another part of me is sitting here stewing because I just overheard her occupational therapist call her “sweetheart.” I want to scream, “She is not your sweetheart! She is a retired professional woman, and at the end of her life, she has earned your respect! Call her Mrs. Jones!”

Please either talk me off the ceiling or give me permission to speak to her caregivers.

GENTLE READER: Please come down from the ceiling. Snapping at people never helps, and you should especially not be attacking those whose service and dedication you value.

Nevertheless, Miss Manners sympathizes with your annoyance. And you needn’t cite your mother’s resume to justify her being addressed in the manner that she has always considered dignified. You need merely say that she is used to that form of address, and prefers it. “You know, it is the old-fashioned way,” you can confide charmingly. You should slip this in with appreciation, on behalf of the family, for their care.

The correction won’t always hold, of course. The habit of expressing concern with those endearments is strong, and few people now understand the importance of dignity.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)