DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to two weddings that were indefinitely postponed due to the coronavirus outbreak. Unfortunately, both couples are in careers where their work schedules make it difficult to reschedule the weddings.

I had not yet bought presents for either wedding, as one was still a ways out, and the other, I was only invited to one day before it was canceled. I am trying to decide if I should send a present now, or wait until the wedding is rescheduled.

What is the proper etiquette for this unexpected situation? One couple has been married legally for over a year anyway, and the other is a stable couple, so I fully expect both will reschedule.

GENTLE READER: While you are not obligated to send wedding presents, a show of good faith that these weddings will take place eventually would certainly be welcome.

Presumably, even the issuers of the last-minute invitation are people who mean something to you, and it would mean something to them to be remembered during this difficult time.

That is not to say that Miss Manners does not appreciate your hesitance -- not only in sending presents without assurance that a wedding will occur, but also with the fear that if you send a present now, it could easily be forgotten later. (Miss Manners wishes she were less cynical, but she has seen too many wedding couples who unabashedly go after their guests if they think a present is owed.)

However, she is also inclined to be generous -- particularly now -- and therefore proposes a compromise. Why not send a small token that shows that you are thinking of these couples? Something that takes their minds off of their situation and allows them to focus instead on their current time together?

A unique board game, for example, or a home or craft project. If the unintended effect is that their competitive spirits, disparate interests or too much time together instead drive them apart, you may have no need to send a more substantial present later. But of course, Miss Manners sincerely wishes that that will not be the case.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a senior male who was recently having lunch at the counter of a family restaurant. After my meal arrived, two younger men came in and sat on either side of me. They obviously knew each other, and began a conversation with me while I was in the middle trying to finish my lunch.

They then proceeded to pass a cellphone to each other, over my plate, to show pictures of a car wreck that one had been involved in.

Mind you, there were plenty of empty seats at the counter on either side of them. They could have easily moved and sat next to each other. I felt this was extremely rude. What should I have said?

GENTLE READER: “I was planning on eating alone today, and I seem to be in the way of your conversation. I think I will move so that you can more easily talk to each other -- and that I am not in the way of your elbows.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I belong to a group of people who share similar interests, and who educate others about these interests through public performances.

I am a-gender and use they/them pronouns. My first time at these meetings, I included my pronouns on my nametag, but didn’t say anything aloud. To my surprise, they were not only consistently honored by the group leader, but on a break, a few other members added their pronouns to their own nametags -- certainly not something I expected, let alone mentioned or encouraged.

There is one member of the group, however, that consistently uses the wrong pronouns for me, as well as referring to me as a girl or woman (albeit in contexts meant to be flattering). I have always put my pronouns on my badge, never referred to myself as a woman (or any other gendered terms), and the rest of the group has always done the same.

If it was just a matter of the pronouns, I would let it slide, because I know that many people see such an identity as “fake” or a ploy for attention. But this person seems to aggressively associate me with being a woman. I’ve even stopped wearing any feminine clothing to these meetings to avoid the uncomfortable experience, to no avail.

I am very much a feminist, and am in awe and appreciation of strong women. I’ve had to experience many of the normal distressing things women still face. But to this group, I have never been a woman.

The group is not about gender or queer politics, and I don’t want to disrupt the conversations on topics I enjoy with something that seems so unrelated -- especially with any risk that it might cause anyone in the group to roll their eyes or start talking politics. And I wouldn’t want to disrespect this person by using the wrong pronouns or name for her, just to make a point; she seems like a nice enough person who’s gone through a lot, and like me, just enjoys being able to share in things that bring her joy.

How do I politely let her know I’m not a woman while neither rebuffing compliments or attempts at camaraderie (“We strong women need to stick together,” for example), nor “starting with that gay stuff,” which is a response I’ve received at least once when sheepishly and gently letting someone know I’m not female? Other responses have ranged from brief apologies and corrections to rants about political correctness to questions about my private anatomy, so you can imagine why I am hesitant.

GENTLE READER: Deflect. “Yes, women do need to stick together. I am so glad that there are such strong ones in this group.” And then Miss Manners suggests that you enlist one such member to take the other aside and explain.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After dishes and utensils have been duly washed and dried, where is the proper place for them to be stored, if one is concerned with proper decorum and good taste?

GENTLE READER: In the drawer? This feels like a trick question. Or one for which Miss Manners suspects the answer will be purposefully slapped on the breakfast counter in front of an unwitting spouse in order to resolve an ongoing grievance.

So ... you win?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When is it considered impolite to exclude spouses from work-sponsored events?

My husband is often invited to dinner with his entire office: They have a casual, social dinner with a co-worker visiting from an out-of-town branch. Spouses are not invited.

I’ve told him that I consider this rude on the part of his office administrator, but he says that it would be rude of them to make their colleague eat alone before going to the hotel, and that they don’t have the budget to feed everyone and their spouses.

To this I say: Invite only the higher-ups and their spouses to take the office guest to dinner, or ask for a small group of volunteers who can take him/her, rather than making it mandatory for everyone to spend an evening away from their spouse.

As another example, they held a retirement party for one of their co-workers, and spouses were not invited for the same reason (budget). I understand spouses not being invited, but then it should be scheduled as a retirement luncheon, not a dinner.

Bottom line for me is: If it’s after hours, unless you’re doing official business, employees shouldn’t be expected to leave their spouses at home in order to attend events with other employees. Am I wrong in thinking that his office isn’t behaving according to proper etiquette?

GENTLE READER: His office is mostly confused -- and with good reason, given the inability of society generally to separate the personal from the professional.

Miss Manners understands that bosses are too busy telling everyone they “put their people first” to have any time left to consider the comfort of their employees.

Asking employees to work after hours is sometimes necessary, but always an imposition. (And before someone protests that these dinners are not work, but fun: Are employees free to decline without consequence?)

Everything should therefore be done to minimize the inconvenience to employees. Inviting spouses is one possible solution, but causes its own problems: Most employees do not consider such invitations optional, and spouses may resent being asked to do work for their spouse’s employer. It also puts single workers in an awkward position (are they permitted a guest of their choosing?) and leaves employees with children searching -- and paying -- for child care. A better solution is the one you suggest: namely, being thoughtful about how many employees are invited, and how frequently.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My girlfriend was divorced from her husband for 14 years. When he was diagnosed with terminal cancer, they remarried for legal/tax reasons. He died six months after that. How long should we wait before living together?

GENTLE READER: The question you have asked is easier to answer than the one you have not, but perhaps should have.

You make clear that the remarriage was, for lack of a better word, impersonal. Those who are more fastidious than Miss Manners (an admittedly small group) may express concern at the propriety of a marriage “for legal/tax reasons.” If, however, you treat it as the financial transaction that it was -- and therefore neglect to make reference to it among friends and acquaintances -- you will find your second problem solved, as no one can question you moving in with your girlfriend 14 years after her divorce.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)