GENTLE READERS: Of what purpose or relevance is etiquette in a time of social distancing?

As etiquette is a social code of behavior, Miss Manners has always promised not to annoy you with rules when you are home alone. And now so many of us are.

Still, the importance of considerate behavior ought to be obvious for those who are not literally alone, but sequestered with others. The old argument for “just being able to be myself at home,” generally meaning indulging in doses of slovenliness and selfishness, always led to no good.

And even truly solitary confinement -- with the exception of being able to connect through the blessings of electronics -- benefits from following some of the basics of civilized life. Prisoners in the Civil War pleaded for spoons, so that they wouldn’t feel like animals eating with their hands. Anyone who has been bedridden knows that the simple routines of getting dressed and sitting at a table for meals have a stabilizing effect.

Obviously it is the heroic moral virtues that we most prize in times of crisis. But there are underlying principles that manners share with morality, and the small virtues that arise from concern for others are crucial in close quarters.

Miss Manners has long been plagued by the popular misconception of etiquette as pertaining only to “society” in the sense of the rich and frivolous, and the illusion that normal people behave naturally. There is nothing like social distancing to serve as a reminder that society means all of us, and that behaving like our better selves benefits everyone.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are expecting our second baby. We live near my family, while his family lives across the state. We named our first child (middle name) after his only brother, which I happily agreed to, thinking it was a great idea.

Now, with our second child on the way, he wants her middle name to be his sister’s. I am extremely close with his entire family, and would happily do this, as I love his sister dearly -- but it puts me in an awkward position, because I have a sister as well. I voiced this concern to him. His reasoning is that he should be able to name our daughter after his sister because we live close to my family: They will get to see our daughter all the time, while his won’t.

Of course, this makes me feel guilty. I think it’s unreasonable for him to push the issue when he knows I’m concerned about hurting my sister’s feelings. Am I being unreasonable?

GENTLE READER: Reasonableness only goes so far in marital disputes, where it is important that both parties end up satisfied. Sure, you could argue that it is your family’s turn, but Miss Manners would think that neither of you wants your daughter’s name to rankle the other.

Give her two middle names. That is somewhat unusual, but not unheard of. And please settle peaceably which sister’s name should be first -- whether alphabetically, by age, or which order makes the prettier monogram.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My father-in-law has been overstepping the boundaries of my personal space for as long as I’ve been with my husband. He is a very curious person, but he exercises his curiosity in my home without permission to the point where I’m uncomfortable and bothered by his behavior.

My personal workspace is not in the main flow of the house. He lingers, looks around and picks up papers without asking. Instead of socializing, he will wander the house, picking up and examining everything -- touching all my belongings (including my instruments).

I would never in a million years take such liberties in someone’s home. Then there are his attempts to be helpful in taking on tasks without permission or being asked -- like planting a tree or digging up a concrete sidewalk in our backyard.

I’m losing my mind, and feel there is no solution. After years of this behavior on his part, I dislike him, and dread the times he stays in my home.

GENTLE READER: Where does your husband stand in all of this? Presumably not in the backyard, or he would have noticed the sidewalk being dug up. Miss Manners suggests that you enlist his help in setting parameters for your father-in-law’s behavior -- and in the meantime, invest in some secure locks.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I went to bat for a former hardworking colleague and acquaintance, and it resulted in a better job with a 10% raise for her.

Ever since then, we’ve been in near-daily contact and we seemed to have forged a good friendship. I recently gave her $100 cash and my well wishes for her impending cross-country wedding, to which I was not invited. From my understanding, it was a small to-do thrown by her in-laws.

Later, on social media, I saw photo after photo of the wedding, along with a statement thanking her friends and loved ones for making it to the celebration.

The event seemed to be attended by dozens of friends. I felt hurt, thinking we were closer.

What does etiquette dictate in this situation? Do I ask why I was not invited? Or do I move on?

GENTLE READER: Given the professional and transactional nature of this relationship, it is quite possible that the bride considers you solely a work friend. Or the invitations to her wedding were sent out before you two became close. Or some combination of the two.

Miss Manners finds that those lines so often get blurred. The general rule is that if your interactions never existed outside of work hours -- or could be considered a tax write-off -- then it does not qualify as a true friendship, however pleasant the collegial relationship.

Miss Manners does not recommend that you ask the newlywed about the wedding. Instead, if you are still interested in pursuing the relationship, invite her and her new husband to dinner, making sure that you stay outside of work -- both in location and in topics of conversation.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I do not own a smartphone. I have many good reasons why I want to keep it that way.

Apparently, it is now considered socially acceptable to “phone-shame” people, i.e., to make unsolicited, borderline-insulting comments about “joining the 21st century,” “evolving beyond stone knives and bearskins” and other similarly maladroit attempts at cleverness.

What is your suggestion for a firm and polite response that has just the right degree of iciness to point out the inappropriateness of the comment?

GENTLE READER: “I want to be able to remain fully attentive for conversations such as these.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a classic coffee addict, drinking two or three cups per day. My standard for quality coffee is not exceptionally high, but my brother buys truly terrible stuff. He is cost-conscious and buys bottom-of-the-barrel cheap coffee. He also usually has presweetened artificial creamer. I prefer a glug of plain ol’ half-and-half.

When visiting him (I usually stay for several days), I would like to bring my own provisions. How can I do this without offending? Should I be honest and tell him his coffee is pretty bad? We are close enough that it would not be detrimental to our relationship. Should I ask him to excuse my pickiness? Or should I bring some fancy, locally roasted, high-end coffee as a “gift”?

GENTLE READER: Since this is your brother, you may do any combination of those suggestions, as long as you do it with good humor and respect. It is his house, and he may love the coffee he chooses.

Blaming it on your own pickiness, even if it is a ruse, may be the best course. If, however, this brings up old sibling rivalries, references to “The Odd Couple” or childish monikers (e.g., “ol’ Fancy Pants with that $10 coffee”), kindly do not blame Miss Manners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was hospitalized and had a spinal tap, my boyfriend of over a year did not come to visit me a single time. After I was well enough to inquire as to his absence, he told me he did not come to visit me when I was ill because he was not invited. This is very odd to me, as we have a relationship that has never required an invitation to see each other before. Your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: While having no idea how serious you and your beau are after one year, Miss Manners suspects that to him, this may have been one of those pivotal points in the relationship where he was not sure where he stood. Either that or he is terrified of needles.

Before delving into more repercussive territory, Miss Manners recommends you start by assuming the latter. If the relationship otherwise gets more serious, you may help him to see the importance of being present during serious situations -- and getting over any phobias, physical or otherwise, that would inhibit that.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)