DEAR MISS MANNERS: I do not own a smartphone. I have many good reasons why I want to keep it that way.

Apparently, it is now considered socially acceptable to “phone-shame” people, i.e., to make unsolicited, borderline-insulting comments about “joining the 21st century,” “evolving beyond stone knives and bearskins” and other similarly maladroit attempts at cleverness.

What is your suggestion for a firm and polite response that has just the right degree of iciness to point out the inappropriateness of the comment?

GENTLE READER: “I want to be able to remain fully attentive for conversations such as these.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a classic coffee addict, drinking two or three cups per day. My standard for quality coffee is not exceptionally high, but my brother buys truly terrible stuff. He is cost-conscious and buys bottom-of-the-barrel cheap coffee. He also usually has presweetened artificial creamer. I prefer a glug of plain ol’ half-and-half.

When visiting him (I usually stay for several days), I would like to bring my own provisions. How can I do this without offending? Should I be honest and tell him his coffee is pretty bad? We are close enough that it would not be detrimental to our relationship. Should I ask him to excuse my pickiness? Or should I bring some fancy, locally roasted, high-end coffee as a “gift”?

GENTLE READER: Since this is your brother, you may do any combination of those suggestions, as long as you do it with good humor and respect. It is his house, and he may love the coffee he chooses.

Blaming it on your own pickiness, even if it is a ruse, may be the best course. If, however, this brings up old sibling rivalries, references to “The Odd Couple” or childish monikers (e.g., “ol’ Fancy Pants with that $10 coffee”), kindly do not blame Miss Manners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was hospitalized and had a spinal tap, my boyfriend of over a year did not come to visit me a single time. After I was well enough to inquire as to his absence, he told me he did not come to visit me when I was ill because he was not invited. This is very odd to me, as we have a relationship that has never required an invitation to see each other before. Your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: While having no idea how serious you and your beau are after one year, Miss Manners suspects that to him, this may have been one of those pivotal points in the relationship where he was not sure where he stood. Either that or he is terrified of needles.

Before delving into more repercussive territory, Miss Manners recommends you start by assuming the latter. If the relationship otherwise gets more serious, you may help him to see the importance of being present during serious situations -- and getting over any phobias, physical or otherwise, that would inhibit that.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Due to health issues, my husband and I drastically changed our diet, with amazing results. We cook our own meals and avoid eating out, because when we do, we end up with stomach issues.

I work with a great team at my job, and our management likes to reward us with lunch often. I have tried to politely decline, explaining my limited diet, but encourage them to take the rest of my teammates out. This usually ends awkwardly, and often management decides not to do the lunch at all.

How can I express to management that I am grateful they appreciate my work, but do not want to eat out -- without it costing my co-workers?

GENTLE READER: Employers who routinely stomp over the line between the professional and personal lives of their employees are a menace. But Miss Manners notes that your problem would still exist in a purely personal context: Most cultures recognize sharing a meal as a social affirmation -- and therefore the refusal to do so as a potential insult.

So let us find a solution that does not leave a bad taste in your mouth, and perhaps worse symptoms later.

The simplest is to attend but be selective about your food consumption. If there is nothing edible for you, perhaps break a breadstick and leave it on your plate, while drinking lots of water. If this attracts attention, smile, say how wonderful everything looks, but that you simply don’t feel like eating. Full disclosure is not always the virtue it pretends to be.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m in my mid 20s and in grad school, and money is tight. Last month, I was invited to two weddings; one I attended, and the other I declined.

I gave gifts for both weddings, and instead of picking items off of their registries, I chose another option they had offered: giving cash electronically through well-known wedding registry services.

I gave $100 to each couple. I realize that is a small wedding gift, but my income barely covers my cost of living. For me, spending an extra $200 in one month is a lot.

It is now more than a month after both weddings, and I have not received thank-you notes from either wedding party. I’m a little bit miffed -- mostly because of the impact my gifts had on me for that month.

I’m left wondering: Was it the amount I gave? Is $100 too little? Do e-gifts get treated differently than physical gifts? Or are wedding thank-you cards just a thing of the past?

I’m just a little surprised, because if it were my wedding, my mother wouldn’t let me get away with NOT sending thank-you notes for all gifts, no matter how small.

GENTLE READER: She would also not, Miss Manners hopes, let you give cash in lieu of something more thoughtful. When she (or Miss Manners) says, “The cost does not matter,” what she means is: The cost does not matter. An inexpensive thoughtful gift is as valuable as an expensive thoughtful gift, and both require acknowledgment.

And, if you are concerned that your friends are rude because they believe you are cheap, a non-monetary gift is harder for them to price.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Many years ago, I learned the usefulness of carrying an extra handkerchief to weddings and funerals. I now do so all the time, to help anyone caught unprepared.

It happens more often than you might expect. Sad movies, of course; cold season; the occasional allergy attack; and once, at my health club, a bloody nose. Once, a dinner companion with a cold brought tissues, but soon used her last.

I make the offer unobtrusively -- ”Would this help?” -- and recipients have seemed grateful, but my wife says I am creating an awkward situation when I offer a handkerchief to a lady. She says the recipient then must wonder if she is meant to keep it, return the damp handkerchief immediately or a washed and ironed one later -- and if so, how and where.

I never thought it was so complicated. On the rare occasion that I have been asked, I have simply said, “No, it’s a gift.” My wife thinks I should carry tissues instead, but that seems rather impersonal and less thoughtful.

GENTLE READER: Tissues are indeed less personal and less thoughtful. The argument that a handkerchief is more complicated does not impress Miss Manners, given your artful solution of this modern Gordian knot. If you find you are handing out great supplies of handkerchiefs, you could also say, “Keep it as long as you need it,” which should be taken as a direction to return it laundered.

Either way, she would have thought the problem equally applicable to male and female recipients of your courtesy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband of nearly 20 years has started a habit that is causing me a lot of embarrassment. When we go out to eat and he’s ready to go, but we have not received the check, he will stand up next to the table and prepare to leave.

He insists that the waiter should be paying attention and know that we are ready. I explain that it makes everyone around him -- including our children and me -- uncomfortable, and that he needs to sit down. I could not find anything that would indicate that this specific action is in poor taste, and I’m hoping you will clear this up for us.

GENTLE READER: Your husband has two goals: to get out reasonably quickly, and to demonstrate to the waiter -- and the room generally -- that the waiter is not doing his job.

The first is understandable. The second, being less kind, is not something to which your husband is likely to admit, which gives Miss Manners your solution: “Dear, if he did not notice that we have been sitting here for 15 minutes in front of empty plates, he is not going to understand your standing up.” You may then suggest that he ask the hostess -- or another obvious, stationary representative of management -- for the check.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It it ever too late to send a sympathy card, many months after the person is deceased? Also, the same question with regard to thank-you notes.

GENTLE READER: Nice try. You still have to write them, but now they have to be more effusive and abject.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)