DEAR MISS MANNERS: An acquaintance recently introduced me to her friend by saying, “I would like you to meet Jenna. Her husband is an orthopedic surgeon.”

I felt very embarrassed by this. I am a registered architect, which my friend is aware of, yet she chose to identify me as someone’s wife.

My friend is also a young professional, so I can’t chalk it up to tradition. Did my friend assume people would be more interested knowing I was the wife of a big-shot surgeon than a middle-class architect? What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That your acquaintance’s friend was in need of orthopedic surgery.

There is the possibility that she found your husband’s career more impressive than yours, or your place in society more noteworthy as his wife. But rather than fuming during the conversation, vowing to cut off your friend forever, Miss Manners recommends that you listen and find out first.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When is it no longer appropriate to use linens that are old, frayed at the edges and stained (though clean)?

I have white linen table napkins that I use every day, and I love them so much I hate to retire them. When I used them for friends who’d arrived for an impromptu lunch, I realized that they looked sad and old (the linens, not the friends).

The blemishes are just tea stains that don’t bleach, not anything hideous. I guess my question is, must linens be pristine before they can be used with guests?

GENTLE READER: Napkins, like guests, wear over time, but we still entertain the ones that endure without outward offense. To be safe, however, Miss Manners suggests that you purchase new napkins for guests and use the old ones only for family -- who tend to be more forgiving of things that are aging, yet still functional.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to a “sprinkle” for a friend’s second baby, and we were asked to pay $50 to attend. A link to a small registry was included in the e-invitation.

How do you feel about this concept? I was surprised to see so many internet columns condoning this modern phenomenon. Thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That this columnist considers the event to have very low entertainment value for the high price of admission.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I started losing my hearing at age 30, and the No. 1 response I get when I say “I have hearing problems” tends to be, “What?”

This “joke” was mildly amusing the first time, but has gotten pretty old by the thousandth. My usual response is a sort of exasperated/resigned sigh, and “Oh, wow, I’ve never heard THAT one before!” or a weak smile and a “ha ha.”

Since I imagine that sarcasm is probably not very polite, I’m looking for a response that is both polite and pointed, to let the would-be comedian know that this joke is old, tiresome and not appreciated.

GENTLE READER: A concerned expression and, “Oh dear. You, too?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been seriously ill for a couple of years, suffering from multiple health issues. I should be fine in several months, but the cure will require surgeries, and my strength must be built up before that can happen.

I do not want attention, and I do not like to talk about these very personal issues -- nor can I imagine that acquaintances wish to hear the details. Yuck!

Until I am strong enough for the operations, though, life is not easy. I feel terrible and exhausted, and rarely go out. I am pale as a ghost. My eyes seem to have retreated back into my head. Makeup makes me look like a sick person who painted their face orange. My hair is dull and just hangs there, as I have not been able to get a haircut. I have lost a lot of weight, and my hands shake.

When I do venture away from home, I am often approached by people I do not know well. They walk up to me, poised for a hearty handshake and some small talk, and then recoil, pulling their hand back dramatically and declaring, “You’re sick! Stay away! You shouldn’t be here!” I assure them that I am not contagious, but they are never convinced.

Getting a bit of fresh air and a change of scenery helps me to cope. Feeling like a public spectacle does not. Talking about all the troubles life has sent my way, just so germaphobes and nosy people will believe that I really don’t have the flu? That makes me cry. Do I need to hide indoors until I am healthy again?

GENTLE READER: Nothing would make Miss Manners happier than to be put out of business by an incurable outbreak of consideration and politeness. But as you are heartbreakingly aware, this has not happened yet.

The consolation she can give is that etiquette does not require any further effort on your part, such as disguising how hurtful these people’s reactions are. In Miss Manners’ perfect world, your explanation that you are not contagious -- and your stricken look -- would be enough to make people think about someone other than themselves next time.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m wondering which party is responsible for extending social invitations when the “inviter” was previously declined by the “invitee,” and they are not close friends or family. I’ve had several situations in which I’ve invited co-workers and casual friends/acquaintances to participate in some social outing or activity, and they’ve declined, but said something like “We should do something another time!”

Should I continue to invite them to do things? Or does the ball go to their court, so to speak, and I should wait for them to extend me an invitation? And if they do not ever do so, should I take the hint and assume that they’re not interested in having a social friendship?

GENTLE READER: You are right to suspect someone who declines an invitation while offering a nonspecific future alternative. But suspicion is not proof.

Miss Manners would expect, but does not require, the invitee to make the next move. The time to stop asking is while the invitee is still embarrassed and evasive, and before she finds it funny that you are so misreading her lack of interest.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I love East Asian food and are completely comfortable with chopsticks. We understand that bamboo chopsticks come from a renewable resource, although using them one time in a restaurant and then sending them to the landfill seems wasteful.

My main problem is that some restaurants provide chopsticks that apparently have been used before, though rewrapped. They do not always appear to have been thoroughly washed. I don’t bother to use recycled, untreated wooden chopsticks, and I request metal flatware instead.

We own several sets of chopsticks, including one set with two pairs held in a slender, unostentatious teak box. I would much prefer to take them with us to restaurants we patronize, for the reasons I’ve mentioned, but my wife refuses, insisting that doing so would be gauche. I will accept your opinion as decisive.

GENTLE READER: Dining out is an act of faith, not only that the flatware will be clean, but also that the fish has not been sitting on the counter since last Tuesday.

Miss Manners does not allow you to bring your own utensils, particularly since you have an acceptable alternative (asking for flatware).

If this seems harsh, she encourages you to consider that if the proprietors of the restaurant use soiled chopsticks, you might wish to change venues out of a reasonable concern about their less visible sanitary choices.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While visiting a prestigious veterinary clinic for a consultation with my beloved dog’s oncologist, the technician who did the intake brought out her cellphone. I found this offensive and said, “Excuse me, do I have your full attention?” The technician immediately said something along the lines of if I was going to be rude or confrontational, she would leave right then and there.

I was stunned, because I thought my question was very polite in the context of a medical consultation during which she decided to use her cellphone. (She said she took it out to change the settings so we would not be bothered, which should have been done before she entered the room.)

I feel that it is extremely rude to do so while in consultation with a client, and further, that the rebuke I received in return was completely inappropriate and unprofessional. In retrospect, I wish I had said something like, “I was very polite, and would prefer to speak with someone else, thank you,” and left.

GENTLE READER: As you may unfortunately find yourself in a similar situation in the future, Miss Manners can suggest some refinements that may result in a better outcome.

Wording is important, and it would have been less confrontational to say that you would be happy to wait until the technician is ready. But delivery is everything. Hauteur and sarcasm -- if lightly, very lightly, applied -- are useful, while aggression and anger will elicit the reaction you received.

Imagine that a neutral third party is in the room, and that your goal is to convince that person that you are not returning rudeness for rudeness. If you can do this, you will not need to ask for a different technician, as the one provided will be embarrassed instead of angry.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)