DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my wife and I hosted some family members, one of our female guests took it upon herself to go through our pantry and select every item that was past its "sell by" or "best by" date. She then proceeded to pour the contents into our garbage disposal and toss the containers in our recycling bin.

We have some other friends who experienced the same thing when they hosted a family member recently. We are over 65, as are our friends. I'm sure these women think they are doing us a favor, but most of the discarded items were condiments, and I have never gotten sick from a "bad" condiment.

Has it become commonplace for family members to go through an elderly person's pantry or refrigerator and toss expired items without their consent?

GENTLE READER: Certainly. And while they are at it, they might chuck out any family members they deem similarly past their prime.

Miss Manners suggests that you do your best to keep these helpful guests out of the kitchen -- or give them a quick, dramatic scream upon finding any food that was unceremoniously tossed out by them. They might concede that your stunned reaction is far worse for your health than the consumption of any recently expired items.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our focus in our school building is to learn people's names and call them by their correct name -- students by first name and adults by Mrs., Mr., Miss, etc.

We have a colleague who calls everyone ma'am or sir. I find it offensive that he continually asks students to say, "Yes, ma'am" and "No, ma'am" to all of the women in the building, yet we have asked him not to.

As the school principal, I want him to stop -- it seems impersonal and offensive in our setting -- especially since we are focused on calling all of our students by their correct names. I would love to know if I am out of line with this request!

GENTLE READER: Insisting that school policy be followed is one of the prerogatives -- and one of the burdens -- of being the boss. But while a school is not a democracy, it is certainly easier to enforce a policy for which you have community support. Miss Manners uses "community" to refer to faculty and possibly students. Including parents in the discussion may erode your current, enviable position of having only a single holdout.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I live in an East Coast city in which many conferences and conventions are held. Due to social media, acquaintances from college or graduate school over 40 years ago who come to town for business or pleasure often contact us and ask us to meet them for dinner or other events.

Many of these contacts are people whom we barely know and with whom we have little in common. The invitation is usually, “I will be in town from Monday through Saturday; which day is best for you to meet me/us for dinner?”

GENTLE READER: “I am afraid that this week does not work for us, but please let us know how you enjoy our city.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few years ago, we bought an old house Dracula wouldn't have been willing to live in, tore it down, and replaced it with a spiffy modern house. The next-door neighbors were enraged at this and did their best to block our plans. When that failed, they continually called the city to complain about the inconvenience to themselves of our project.

Now we are done, and these same neighbors have embarked on an extensive renovation project. They are doing the same things they complained about us doing: starting work too early, storing materials in the street, workers playing loud music, and so on.

I don't want to be difficult the way they were, but I can't help wanting to ask them why this is OK when they do it. Yet I also realize saying this would make a bad situation worse.

GENTLE READER: Tell your neighbors that you completely understand, from experience, that neighbors get upset because sometimes homeowners do not realize that workers are being inconsiderate -- but could they please ask the contractor not to block the driveway?

Miss Manners does not promise this will be effective; the only guaranteed solution is to wait it out. But it may embarrass them. And even if it does not, it will be satisfying to demonstrate how a good neighbor behaves.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An elderly friend has given us a gift, in appreciation for things we've done for him over the years, of two ivory bracelets he bought at a craft fair. We do not want to wear these because of the ivory problem. We cannot give them to a charity for a "white elephant" (yes, we note the irony) sale because it's illegal to sell ivory with no authentication of its being acquired pre-1976. So the charity would be stuck with it, even though we would no longer have to worry about it. What can we ethically do with this gift?

GENTLE READER: Put it in the closet. Miss Manners realizes this is tantamount to sticking the children with it in the distant future, but one problem at a time.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work out at lunchtime in the gym located in the building where I work. I’m always in a bit of a rush to get my workout done during lunch hour, and really value the time to myself away from work.

The problem is a man who is also in the gym typically at the same time. And who likes talking to me.

I don’t want to spend time chatting during my workout, but so far, he has not picked up on my wearing headphones or being on equipment doing heavy cardio work, or the lack of interest on my part. He will come talk with me whether I’m doing yoga, lifting weights or running on the treadmill.

Any suggestions on what to say to this person without offending or embarrassing him? I realize I will continue to see him rather frequently, so do not wish to hurt his feelings, but obviously what I’m doing is not working and he does not seem to know gym etiquette.

GENTLE READER: It is no more polite to pester a stranger on the street than one at your gym, but being in the gym gives you several unique ways to fend the person off.

The next time he approaches, pretend not to hear him. You are, after all, listening to music and working out. Once you do see him, stop your workout, take off your headphones and ask him to repeat what he said. This disengagement from your workout is for demonstration purposes and should be slow and methodical.

Answer whatever he says with as few words as possible, excuse yourself, and then go back to your headphones and your workout. A few repetitions should be enough to convince him that you are not available for chitchat. If not, you can always smile, apologize, and say that now is not a good time to talk, as you only have a limited time and you promised yourself that you would do this workout.

You can also do that in the first place, but Miss Manners rather likes the idea of dramatizing the disruption.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am attending an annual event that changed venues, as well as dress code, this year. Usually the event has been very casual, where even heels were judged too much.

This year, the event details say “cocktail attire encouraged.” I always err on the side of dressier in my everyday attire anyway, but I worry I’ll be way overdressed (even though it is better to be overdressed, of course). Generally, what does this dress code mean?

GENTLE READER: Cocktail attire, now that nobody changes clothes for an afternoon drink, indicates something sloppily between formal and business dress, whatever that might mean. And what the authors of the invitation, the guests and Miss Manners believe it to mean may not, alas, be the same.

Encouraging, rather than requiring, such an unhelpful standard is merely the coup de grace. For this reason, she begs all parties to refrain from judging the guests (even while she encourages judging the hosts). Dress as you intended, keep your head up high -- and ignore criticisms.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)