DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother, sister and I find ourselves in disagreement. I hope you can help.

My mother and sister claim that one can wear white shoes from Easter until Labor Day. I agree with them on Labor Day signifying the end of white shoe season, but I thought one should not wear white shoes until Memorial Day.

Please advise us on when we can properly be seen in our white sandals. We are all devoted readers, and one word from you will settle the matter.

GENTLE READER: If only.

No rule enrages Miss Manners’ Gentle Readers as much as the ban against wearing white shoes (unless you are a baby, a bride, or playing tennis) between Memorial Day (not Easter) and Labor Day. In tones of high indignation, they carry on about weather conditions and wardrobe demands. Fashion leaders love to cheer on rule-breakers -- as if anyone actually learned any rules before breaking them.

Then they move on to attack etiquette itself. Such a rule is arbitrary, they point out. Of course it’s arbitrary. So is whether you drive on the right or left side of the road, but you should do what is expected.

To do away with rules would disappoint both people who enjoy order and respect ritual and the rule-breakers. Additionally, for many who have lived where there is little change in temperature all year, it is comforting to mark the change of seasons anyway.

The advantage of the white shoe rule is that hardly anyone notices any disobedience. But thank you for maintaining it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At Easter, my family enjoys dyeing eggs. Since I had my daughter, I step back and let her have all the fun of dyeing while I watch.

When we gather at my parents’ house, my dad sets up the egg-dye cups and brings them to the table. There are generally 18 or 20 cups. My (36-year-old) sister then proceeds to place eggs into at least 15 of them, generally leaving my child with yellow and orange, and that’s all.

She then proceeds to tell my 8-year-old that she is being rude because she wants to dye a purple egg. She orders her to wait, telling her it’s not nice to want to use all the dye for herself, and then says she’s sick of hearing the child complain.

My dad is a great sport about it, having made another batch of dye for my daughter. But is it appropriate for an adult to tell a child that they need to be faster to get eggs into the dye?

GENTLE READER: While children should have precedence at such holiday play, someone should tell your sister that acting childish doesn’t count. Miss Manners nominates your father.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If I innocently say to my husband, “You’ll have to show me how to do something tomorrow,” he gets upset and answers, “I don’t HAVE to do anything.” He feels I am demanding he do something. What is your take on this?

GENTLE READER: That you should learn to say “please.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I don’t know how to deal with the rude comments I occasionally get from restaurant waitstaff about how I eat -- specifically when I eat quickly, or eat everything on my plate.

I’m not overweight, and I’m male, so they may feel it’s OK to tease me when they probably wouldn’t do so with an overweight customer or a woman (as I’ve always been taught that it’s the height of rudeness to comment even obliquely about a woman’s weight).

So given my appearance, coupled with the “We’re all friends here” attitude you get in most restaurants, it feels like servers consider me fair game for this ostensibly innocent joshing.

But to me, it feels like they’re saying I eat like a pig, which I find both embarrassing and infuriating. Just this morning, when a server came to clear my table at breakfast, she paused to look at my plate and said approvingly, “Very good!” as if I were a child. I’ve also gotten, “You must have been hungry,” and “Wow, that was fast!”

For the record, yes, I do tend to eat fast, and yes, I do tend to eat everything on my plate. But that’s not the server’s business, and it’s certainly not appropriate for them to comment on how I eat the food I’m paying for. But I never know how to respond to these comments in a dignified way that also lets them know that their comment is inappropriate and hurtful.

GENTLE READER: You’re not all friends there. They are paid to wait on you, not to critique your eating habits. But yes, Miss Manners knows that the boundaries are often violated.

The tactful way to counter intrusive teasing is to take it seriously. “I’m sorry -- am I going too fast for you?” and “Good? Yes, the food was good. May I have the check, please?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am hosting an Easter event, and my boyfriend and I have an etiquette conflict. I want to include gift bags with handwritten “thank you for attending” notes, but he doesn’t think it’s a good idea.

Allow me to expand: We host an annual Easter celebration. The duration of the party is from 1 p.m. to 5 p.m. Guests are instructed to bring a side dish, and we provide the main entree. Our activities, besides the food, include an egg hunt (for children and adults), an egg race (for children only) and egg decorating (also for children).

GENTLE READER: It is not Miss Manners’ job to discourage the writing of letters of thanks. Considering how often she has to chastise people for not doing so, it makes her dizzy.

But the gentleman is right that there is something not quite right about hosts writing to thank their guests for attending. It is fine for them to do so as the guests leave. But the next day is the time to reflect on what a great party the hosts threw, and the hosts themselves can hardly do that.

If the hosts beat them to expressing gratitude, it seems like prompting. And for occasions associated with presents -- for which the hosts should certainly express thanks -- it will seem like dunning.

Besides, although you are organizing this event, you and he are not the sole hosts. Requesting food donations means it is a cooperative party.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At what point am I allowed to adopt an angry tone -- and drop the “please” -- after repeated requests to the person behind me in line for “social distancing at 6 feet, please”?

In my experience, people back up for a short time, and then creep back up next to me. Repeatedly. I have to admit that the other day, I said loud enough for others to hear, “This is the fifth time I’ve had to ask you for the social distancing the CDC is telling us all to do. What is wrong with you?”

I finally got the reaction I needed. I’m so exasperated, I’m thinking of carrying a yardstick with me wherever I go and using it like a sword to fend off intruders.

GENTLE READER: No, no, no. You would only end up hitting someone with that yardstick, adding violence into a difficult enough situation.

Even before the advent of the virus, Miss Manners noticed that people often turn vicious in grocery lines. (Other lines, too, but especially in grocery stores. Perhaps, as their mothers told them, they are acting like that because they are hungry.)

And customer-to-customer corrections rarely succeed. To do so, these not only have to be polite, but also offer a face-saving way for the offender to retreat. Perhaps, “I don’t know if you heard me, but I’m worried about our sticking to the new rules about keeping distances.” Said loudly, it should encourage everyone in line to back up.

Far better to invoke third-party authority. You could ask the cashier to remind the entire line to keep to the spaces. But that, too, would have to be repeated. Please suggest to the store’s management the practice that some countries have started: placing tape at intervals on the floor to mark the proper spacing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am familiar with your rule about not pointing out other people’s rudeness to them, but in regard to our own personal advent of coronavirus, I wonder if you could suggest a polite way to remind others to cover their noses and mouths when sneezing, coughing and/or yawning.

As you know, in addition to this being an etiquette concern, it is a health concern, and there must be some way to make this point without being offensive.

GENTLE READER: Give out tissues, instead of reprimands. This would require you to carry an extra supply, but Miss Manners reminds you that it is not an expensive form of philanthropy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have sometimes been in public bathrooms at restaurants, theaters, etc., and seen people come out of their stall and walk out of the bathroom without washing their hands.

I find this disgusting at the best of times, but with the heightened attention during the COVID-19 outbreak, I am more concerned than offended. What can be done in a situation like this?

GENTLE READER: Reforming strangers only works when it assumes mistaken goodwill -- for example, saying, “Excuse me, the back of the line is back there” to someone who had every intention of breaking in.

Miss Manners would be extremely grateful to anyone who can think of such a way to say, “I’ve been watching your bathroom habits, and they are disgusting.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are the acceptable alternatives to the handshake? I prefer the namaste.

GENTLE READER: For Miss Manners, the silver lining in this cloud that hangs over us all is the demise of meaningless hugging and kissing. It bothers her as a cheapening of demonstrations of true affection. And before the coronavirus, she heard from Gentle Readers who were worried about the ordinary health aspects of close contact -- even including handshakes -- with strangers in church, and with other people they hardly know.

So -- the namaste, if you prefer, or just the slight bow that goes with it. But as the idea underneath is to show peaceful intentions, surely a simple smile and nod -- from the proper distance -- would suffice.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: With so much public attention now focused on the spread of coronavirus, it’s a good opportunity to remind people to cough/sneeze into their SLEEVE, NOT their HAND, to avoid contaminating everything/everyone they subsequently touch with that hand.

Happily, this is what kids have been taught to do in school, but for many of us adults, this means overcoming a long-ingrained reflexive habit we grew up with. I assure you, though, that everyone will benefit, and will appreciate their thoughtfulness. This will help in both reducing the spread of many illnesses (not just coronavirus) and the risk of catching them.

GENTLE READER: Well -- as long as those who sneeze into their elbows do not also practice the popular injunction to bump elbows as a substitute for shaking hands.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Just like in Georgian times, when the rich used to display their wealth by having expensive items such as pineapples on display, I am careful to have delicate arrangements of items that modestly reflect our affluence to our guests.

In light of current events and the desirability of certain items, I was wondering how many toilet rolls one may have on display before it gets gauche? I was thinking of a nice pyramid, maybe 10. Or I could limit it to six and use the extra space to exhibit our plentiful supply of antibacterial hand wash.

GENTLE READER: Need Miss Manners remind you that with riches go the obligation to help those less fortunate?

So by all means, enjoy the sight of your piled-up wealth -- as a prelude to distributing it to those who are less fortunate.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)