DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was raised to send thank-you letters as a matter of politeness. As I became an adult, I realized that it feels good to thank people with letters or cards out of sincere gratitude.

I was invited to join my boyfriend on a very generous group vacation where our accommodations were paid for entirely by his close friends (a couple). The vacation lasted a week, and while I enjoyed myself and appreciated the company of the group greatly, I also felt out of place at times, and a bit of an inconvenience to the hosts and other guests, who were all very close friends.

I did, however, wish to thank the hosts, and expressed to my boyfriend the idea of purchasing a card and a small souvenir from the local region to mail to their home later. He sort of scoffed at me and, generally, seems to think it’s odd and unnecessary that I go so far out of my way to send thank-you cards.

I am feeling self-conscious about what to do. I feel the hosts were fairly indifferent that I was there in the first place, and my boyfriend seems to think formal thanks unnecessary.

I bought the card and a small souvenir anyway (although I also fear it’s not their taste), and decided I would think about whether or not to send it later -- but now it’s “later,” and I still don’t know what I should do. Do you have any thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That if you want to feel forever out of place with these people, just be the odd add-on who takes advantage of a connection to accept generous hospitality, and then vanishes in silence until the next such opportunity arises.

That your boyfriend believes that gratitude is unimportant is a bad sign. Perhaps he feels that the group is on such close terms with the hosts that they can take their generosity for granted. Miss Manners assures you that this will not wear well. There always comes a time when the most affable host begins to brood about being taken advantage of.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am baffled as to why, when dining out with a friend or a group, it is often conveyed as bad manners to ask for separate checks. If I were to draw an analogy: When I go shopping with two friends, the cashier never asks if we want separate receipts. It is understood that each person will pay for their own items and will have their own receipt.

Why are the expectations different in restaurants? When we eat out, no matter who we are with or the size of the party, I always ask up front if we can please have separate checks. I say it quickly, before orders are taken, and always with a smile. I can only remember a time or two in the last decade when the staff didn’t happily comply.

GENTLE READER: You are not the only person who is baffled. A restaurant may choose not to allow this, but that is purely for its own convenience. Miss Manners hopes that no such objections are coming from your fellow diners, because there is nothing rude about this.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Since relocating two years ago, I walk two blocks to the same local coffee shop to order a morning coffee and latte for my wife and me. As I’m a recognized regular patron, I’ve come to know nearly every member of the staff. I always greet them with a warm hello, and they respond in kind -- that is, except for one curmudgeon of a cashier.

I know he knows I’m a regular, because he knows our drink order by heart, as well as my name. But for whatever reason, he has never once even attempted to be cordial. When I greet him with a friendly, “Good morning!” he responds with a gruff “The usual?” No smile, no greeting, no mention of my name ... nothing. He just fills my order, takes my payment and that’s it.

Should I bring up his curt behavior with the store manager, who is always friendly to me? Or should I simply accept that this is his normal demeanor? I know it’s a small thing, but it’s really starting to rub me the wrong way.

GENTLE READER: And your cheeriness may be rubbing him the wrong way. Yet Miss Manners does not want you to change.

You don’t even have to accept the idea that he will never change. People have different temperaments, and sometimes the steady administration of cheer can make an eventual difference.

But the worst thing you could do is to get him in trouble by reporting him. He is doing his job, and it is presumptuous of you to believe that you should be able to control his mood. Besides, it would only show him that your show of goodwill was a mask.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I received an invitation to an acquaintance’s 60th birthday, and we were shocked to see that “monetary gifts only” were requested. She is single and throwing this party for herself, so the fact that a grown woman is very plainly asking for money is very off-putting (particularly when the event doesn’t include dinner and has a cash bar).

While we will not be attending, it did prompt a debate with what etiquette would call for in this situation. For adult birthday or dinner parties, we usually bring a nice bottle of wine, or the like, as a thank-you to the host. But it feels ridiculous to bring an envelope containing cash as if this were a party for a 16-year-old.

What would proper etiquette be in this case? Either show up with cash, or decline to attend?

GENTLE READER: Yes, that is your choice. You should understand that you were not invited to a party, but to a fundraiser. The rules are different.

For a birthday party, you would choose to bring a present -- although for an adult birthday, it is not strictly necessary, and many such celebrants try to discourage their guests from doing so. (The simplest way to do that is not to announce the birthday on the invitation, but only at the party itself, thus enabling the guests to protest that they wish they had known so they could have brought something.)

But for a fundraiser, it is understood that attendance indicates a willingness to support the cause. So only go -- and give -- if you believe that helping support this acquaintance is a good use of your charitable funds.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On several occasions, I have met someone new at a party or an event, and in the middle of a pleasant conversation, had that person look me right in the eye, smile and say with regret how heavy they are and how much they need to lose weight.

I am an overweight woman, and although I try every day to eat right and stay fit, I do struggle with it. Invariably, this new acquaintance is someone much thinner than I. I am perplexed at how to respond, so I usually just stare expressionlessly and try to change the subject.

Of course I can’t agree with them, because it isn’t true. I suspect they want me to say that they don’t need to lose any weight at all, and that certainly I am the one who must lose weight.

However, this is so obvious that it doesn’t seem necessary to even say it, and I don’t want to discuss my weight or theirs. It strikes me as being very rude to tell a heavy person that you yourself want to lose weight, especially when speaking to someone who is perhaps twice your size. What do you suggest as an appropriate response?

GENTLE READER: “Oh dear, I am sorry to hear you say that about yourself. My experience is that people can be healthy and attractive at all different sizes.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a teacher looking for a polite way to respond when people tell me that “it must be nice,” in reference to not working and receiving pay for July and August.

The fact that two months of our salary is held back to preclude filing for unemployment is lost on most people. Similarly, people also say that teachers work a half-day. Most schools have teachers on site for seven hours, with less than an hour for lunch. I am contractually “at work” for seven hours. Most jobs are eight. And no one wants to think about the hours spent at home working.

I’ve tried to be polite and explain. I’ve been snippy. I’ve just rolled with it. After 28 years, it is enough. What comment might get through to people?

GENTLE READER: “Oh, I’m not sure you understand how the teacher’s day and school year work. So tell me, do you actually get to pick when you have lunch and go on vacation? That must be heaven!”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)