DEAR MISS MANNERS: A relative of mine will soon be moving to Europe. She is unhappily anticipating all kinds of disparaging questions about American politics, having had these unpleasant exchanges when she lived in Europe before.

The questions typically run along the lines of “How can Americans vote for that candidate?” or “How can they support such a policy?” -- delivered in such a way as to imply that Americans are stupid or naive.

We were hoping you could suggest a way to respond to unkind opinions masquerading as curiosity, which would neither indicate that she agrees with the opinions nor open the subject to an unpleasant disagreement about politics.

GENTLE READER: Your relative should be studying the politics of the country in which she will be living. This is not only a responsible thing to do, but it will doubtless provide ample material for a more general discussion of controversial voters and politicians, on whom no country seems to have a monopoly.

This should turn the conversation into what Miss Manners would consider a not-unpleasant examination of political problems. But that requires others to speak realistically about their own issues. If they do not, but insist on bashing America, no American should accept that, any more than the bashers would accept insults to their country.

Politeness does not require accepting insults. To admonish them without creating a scene, she should say something like, “I’m sorry you feel that way. We Americans have our problems and our differences, as do all countries, but I’m proud of being an American.” A stiff delivery should at least lead them to backpedal and apologize.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was out with friends at a local brewery, and we engaged in a block-building parlor game. The game was progressing quite feverishly when another group next to our table started filming us on their phones.

We attempted to pretend they were not filming, but by the end of the game, 3 out of 4 of them were pointing their phones at us and commenting as they filmed. They engaged us in a brief conversation after our game was completed, and then we offered the game to them.

How do you politely ask someone not to film you, and how did these people not know it made us feel uncomfortable? We are in our 40s, and this group looked younger. Do younger people feel more comfortable being filmed?

I, like most of my friends, prefer anonymity, and felt it was a violation of my privacy. But I could not find the words to ask them not to film us -- especially while they were filming us. Nobody wants to go viral for being incendiary these days.

GENTLE READER: If that is what stops people from rude explosions, then public exposure is not all bad.

It puzzles Miss Manners that nastiness is the first defense that comes to people’s minds when the alternative is so simple. It is entirely possible that these people think everyone is flattered to be filmed.

The polite way to tell them to stop is to say, “Please stop filming us.” Should they persist, you should stop playing your game and either complain to management or simply move away.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it ever acceptable to ask your host if you may bring additional guests? Though this has happened in a variety of circumstances, the most common occurrence seems to be at children’s birthday parties: Parents I hardly know will ask me outright if they can bring their other children, when only the name of the child in my son’s class was on the invitation.

My husband and I are in disagreement on this topic. He thinks it isn’t a big deal; I feel that the invitee should reply with regrets, be honest about the reason (“I’m afraid I can’t find a sitter for Josh’s little brother,”) and wait for the host to offer. If no offer is forthcoming and it truly is a hardship, simply do not attend. What are your thoughts on this phenomenon?

GENTLE READER: That you are correct. Once that one little brother barges his way in, who knows how many more will follow -- and suddenly there is not enough supervision, and the clown is charging twice as much.

Miss Manners recommends that you emphasize the former argument, however -- even though the latter may well be your true grievance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A neighbor invited us over for a nightcap by text. She quickly discovered the text was sent to the wrong person, and reneged. We feel a little put out. How do we react when seeing her in the neighborhood?

GENTLE READER: By mistaking her for someone else.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a very close friend whose father has abused him, both physically and emotionally, for his entire life. Their relationship was strained at best, distant at worse, but the friend never cut off contact completely with his father.

I’ve been privy to a fairly detailed description of the abuse and, suffice to say, I am not remotely sorry my friend’s father has passed away, though I am sorry about the complicated feelings my friend must be having. Mostly, I wish he had been born to a man worthy of being his father.

I want to express my condolences to my friend, but the standard tropes seem insufficient, given the situation. How do you acknowledge loss when it’s the loss of a monster? I had planned on sending my friend a gift of some sort in lieu of sending flowers to the funeral, as I truly believe that his father’s departure from this world makes it a better place.

GENTLE READER: Etiquette does not demand that you lie about the merits of the deceased, but nor does it suggest that you celebrate it with presents. That seems a bit indecorous.

Instead, Miss Manners suggests that you express the sentiments to your friend that are simple and true: That you are sorry for his loss and hope to be available to him for any support he requires. You should, of course, omit the word “monster” or anything equally negative in your correspondence. Death has a way of ingratiating even the most monstrous toward their families ... once the offenders are safely passed on.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend and I had a disagreement: He called our waitress “missy” and asked her how much she wanted for a tip.

I later asked him why he did that. He said that “missy” is the same as “miss” or “ma’am,” and that it’s also polite to make sure your tip is adequate with the server.

Is this true? I’ve never heard either before.

GENTLE READER: That’s because he made it up. “Missy” should never be used -- except, on occasion, with one’s own mouthy teenager (as in, “Would you like to try that again, but without the attitude, missy?”)

And no server in the history of the world ever wanted to discuss the tip, except perhaps indignantly afterward (as in, “I’m sorry, was the service not to your liking?”). Please tell your boyfriend that Miss Manners recommends he find other, less belittling honorifics for waitresses -- and that he join the ranks of the rest of us in being ever befuddled about what is an adequate tip (although 20% is still usually considered standard).

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one respond to someone rejecting a gift? Should the giver immediately receive the returned item back and take it in stride, or are protestations warranted first?

My boss has been instrumental in starting and advancing my career. After several years, I am now in an established position, thanks to the opportunities he has provided me.

For his birthday, I purchased a food item I know he indulges in, and presented it to him with a card expressing my gratitude for his help over the years. The item was not exorbitantly expensive, but was likely a few dozen more dollars than my colleagues chipped in for a gift card. It is a nice example of this food he enjoys, and has a neat little history, which I anticipate he is aware of.

He returned it to me, stating it was too generous and that he could not accept it. I was not sure how to respond, though I was certainly a little hurt, and simply accepted it back, muttering a simple, “Oh, I’m sorry.” Would you mind sharing your insights on the most polite way to have responded?

GENTLE READER: ”I truly hoped that you would enjoy this. You were so kind to me all those years and I took such pleasure in picking it out and thanking you. If you feel that it is too much, perhaps you could share it with your office.“

However, since it is food and likely perishable, Miss Manners fears it might not survive another trip back. In that case, you might add, “I suppose I can share it with my co-workers and regale them with the stories of your generosity.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am trying to find out if all is OK with a family member. How many times should I call or text before I become a nuisance?

GENTLE READER: Try saying, “If I don’t hear from you in the next day or two, I am going to call the police to make sure that you are still alive.” That should make the response time quicker.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)