DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it ever acceptable to ask your host if you may bring additional guests? Though this has happened in a variety of circumstances, the most common occurrence seems to be at children’s birthday parties: Parents I hardly know will ask me outright if they can bring their other children, when only the name of the child in my son’s class was on the invitation.

My husband and I are in disagreement on this topic. He thinks it isn’t a big deal; I feel that the invitee should reply with regrets, be honest about the reason (“I’m afraid I can’t find a sitter for Josh’s little brother,”) and wait for the host to offer. If no offer is forthcoming and it truly is a hardship, simply do not attend. What are your thoughts on this phenomenon?

GENTLE READER: That you are correct. Once that one little brother barges his way in, who knows how many more will follow -- and suddenly there is not enough supervision, and the clown is charging twice as much.

Miss Manners recommends that you emphasize the former argument, however -- even though the latter may well be your true grievance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A neighbor invited us over for a nightcap by text. She quickly discovered the text was sent to the wrong person, and reneged. We feel a little put out. How do we react when seeing her in the neighborhood?

GENTLE READER: By mistaking her for someone else.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a very close friend whose father has abused him, both physically and emotionally, for his entire life. Their relationship was strained at best, distant at worse, but the friend never cut off contact completely with his father.

I’ve been privy to a fairly detailed description of the abuse and, suffice to say, I am not remotely sorry my friend’s father has passed away, though I am sorry about the complicated feelings my friend must be having. Mostly, I wish he had been born to a man worthy of being his father.

I want to express my condolences to my friend, but the standard tropes seem insufficient, given the situation. How do you acknowledge loss when it’s the loss of a monster? I had planned on sending my friend a gift of some sort in lieu of sending flowers to the funeral, as I truly believe that his father’s departure from this world makes it a better place.

GENTLE READER: Etiquette does not demand that you lie about the merits of the deceased, but nor does it suggest that you celebrate it with presents. That seems a bit indecorous.

Instead, Miss Manners suggests that you express the sentiments to your friend that are simple and true: That you are sorry for his loss and hope to be available to him for any support he requires. You should, of course, omit the word “monster” or anything equally negative in your correspondence. Death has a way of ingratiating even the most monstrous toward their families ... once the offenders are safely passed on.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend and I had a disagreement: He called our waitress “missy” and asked her how much she wanted for a tip.

I later asked him why he did that. He said that “missy” is the same as “miss” or “ma’am,” and that it’s also polite to make sure your tip is adequate with the server.

Is this true? I’ve never heard either before.

GENTLE READER: That’s because he made it up. “Missy” should never be used -- except, on occasion, with one’s own mouthy teenager (as in, “Would you like to try that again, but without the attitude, missy?”)

And no server in the history of the world ever wanted to discuss the tip, except perhaps indignantly afterward (as in, “I’m sorry, was the service not to your liking?”). Please tell your boyfriend that Miss Manners recommends he find other, less belittling honorifics for waitresses -- and that he join the ranks of the rest of us in being ever befuddled about what is an adequate tip (although 20% is still usually considered standard).

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one respond to someone rejecting a gift? Should the giver immediately receive the returned item back and take it in stride, or are protestations warranted first?

My boss has been instrumental in starting and advancing my career. After several years, I am now in an established position, thanks to the opportunities he has provided me.

For his birthday, I purchased a food item I know he indulges in, and presented it to him with a card expressing my gratitude for his help over the years. The item was not exorbitantly expensive, but was likely a few dozen more dollars than my colleagues chipped in for a gift card. It is a nice example of this food he enjoys, and has a neat little history, which I anticipate he is aware of.

He returned it to me, stating it was too generous and that he could not accept it. I was not sure how to respond, though I was certainly a little hurt, and simply accepted it back, muttering a simple, “Oh, I’m sorry.” Would you mind sharing your insights on the most polite way to have responded?

GENTLE READER: ”I truly hoped that you would enjoy this. You were so kind to me all those years and I took such pleasure in picking it out and thanking you. If you feel that it is too much, perhaps you could share it with your office.“

However, since it is food and likely perishable, Miss Manners fears it might not survive another trip back. In that case, you might add, “I suppose I can share it with my co-workers and regale them with the stories of your generosity.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am trying to find out if all is OK with a family member. How many times should I call or text before I become a nuisance?

GENTLE READER: Try saying, “If I don’t hear from you in the next day or two, I am going to call the police to make sure that you are still alive.” That should make the response time quicker.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I obtained a credit card through a major airline. One of the perks of receiving the card is that if I spend a certain amount with the card within the first few months, I have the opportunity to purchase a half-price companion ticket with my purchase of a regular full-fare ticket.

A friend (and occasional travel companion) and I are planning a trip, for which we will each pay our own way. This purchase will enable me to take advantage of the airline’s companion-flies-at-half-price offer.

When I ask my friend to reimburse me for his ticket, would it be appropriate for us to split the total cost of both tickets, so that we each pay 75 percent of a regular full-fare ticket? Or am I required to pass along the full benefit of the half-price offer to my friend, and bear the cost of the full-fare ticket myself?

I’m not aware of any etiquette on this question. For what it’s worth, my friend is not my significant other.

GENTLE READER: Logically, your friend will be no worse off no matter what you recommend -- that he pay the full fare, that he pay 75%, or that he pay 50%. But most friends would feel ill-used by the first option and grateful for the third.

Miss Manners has no objection to your taking the neutral second option, but even this should be stated clearly and only as a suggestion: “I have this offer. What do you think of us using it and splitting the savings?” Note that you are asking your friend whether you should use the offer on this trip -- not the terms on which you will do so. Presumably you are already close enough to anyone you are willing to sit next to on an airplane that this will not be a difficult discussion.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I recently entered the small waiting room of a professional whom I visit, the lower edge of the door disturbed mail that was lying on the floor, having been delivered through a slot in the door. I gently shifted the mail with my foot to save it from being mangled by the door, and took a seat.

My quandary: Is it impolite (an intrusion) to gather the mail and put it on a nearby shelf? Or is it impolite (negligent of an ordinary courtesy) to leave the slightly mussed mail there on the floor?

GENTLE READER: Place the mail where it is likely to belong, just as if you had inadvertently knocked it to the ground. That may be on a table where someone will see it or in the hands of the receptionist.

Miss Manners recognizes both that this is inconvenient and that it is not your fault that the mail is on the floor, but she prefers her solution to leaving it where the next person will kick it under a chair or step on it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)